The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for tomorrow discusses one of my favorite Al-Anon tools - relaxing! Many of us arrive at recovery living a life full of frenzied activity. School, work, project, obligations, kids, housework, etc. all helped us focus outward. Al-Anon helps us focus inward. While there is nothing wrong with hard work, results, etc., many of us focus 'here' instead of on ourselves, our feelings, etc. Many of us have to relearn what it means to relax, recharge and/or just have fun.
Reminder: Hard work can be terrific, and my activities can be highly rewarding. But I am striving for some balance. Today I will look at how I spend my time, and set some of that time aside to relax.
Quote from Bertrand Russell: "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
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I planned carefully all of my adult life to retire early. I took a 2 week break and then began a second career of volunteering and service work. After 7+ years, I came to realize that I was working harder than I used to for money! I used work and post work choices to escape the reality of my life as well as the need to work on me.
I had no idea how to relax. I'd been running for years and often over committed myself. I felt very uncomfortable sitting still and/or planning 'fun' things as I always thought there were other important things I should be doing. Well - what I have come to accept is that I am at my best when I am rested and play a little and work a little each day. There is and will always be undone projects, chores, etc. However, there will come a time when what I can do for fun/leisure will not be possible. So - I do embrace YOLO - You Only Live Once and plan my relaxation/fun before I plan my work/chores. Al-Anon has given me the gift of a still mind/body when desired, and a trust in the God of my understanding that I felt was beyond my reach.
I love to start my days with either golf or a run/long walk. I love listening to music while doing either/both. For me, music clears my mind and allows my thoughts to slow. I am better at quiet time and meditation yet still a work in progress. I no longer beat myself up for what's happened or what's not done, nor do I dwell on what I should be doing instead. Practicing One Day at a Time and trust the God of my understanding has brought me a perpetual willingness to continue growing and changing. I am beyond words grateful for the life I have, the love I give/get and the many miracles of each day I stay present. Life is as great as I choose for it to be!
Enjoy your day! We're to start off with lower temperatures tomorrow, so I am off to golf. Make it a great day MIP family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH for your service and great share which I totally relate to. I stayed busy all the time to avoid feeling how sad and depressed my life was. I didn't know how to relax or sit and just be. Even with meditation at times I could not stop my mind from racing. Things have greatly changed since recovery. I now make time for me to be still and relax, either watching a taped show or playing a game on my iphone. My dogs even relax with me now and they look forward to it as much as I do. I pray and meditate, and those too are a break from my busy (retired) life.
This is something I definitely have a choice about and I have come to believe that down time is as important as all the rest of it .
Thank you, IAH, for sharing this topic. I too am in a second career of volunteering and service work. What a privilege to be able to do this!
I remember, when alcoholism was active in my life, keeping myself very busy -- work, school, volunteering, the gym -- I did it all. And I was conscious that some of this was to distract me and distance me from what was happening at home, and I was so grateful that I had all these opportunities to be busy.
I was taken aback one day when my young adult son said to me "Mom, I think you are too busy." It was so remarkable because it wasn't his normal personality to make that kind of remark, and it wasn't that i was neglecting him -- he was an adult on his own. My response was to JADE -- I justified, defended, and explained that I really liked doing all these things. But I did not acknowledge the truth, that it was an escape. Though all these activities were healthy in themselves, it was a form of denial that something was going on that I could not manage, could not "work" my way out of. I also believed no one else noticed that something was wrong at home. And here was evidence that someone else did notice, someone who didn't even live with us.
At the meetings I attend we read the "Do's and Don'ts", and one of them is "Do find recreation and hobbies." So it is healthy to relax and have an outlet. It's all a matter of balance and motivation. Am I doing this to recharge and experience joy, am I doing it to have a sense of accomplishment, or am I doing it to escape? And what am I escaping from? Before Al-Anon, I did not know the name of what I was escaping from. But eventually I learned it was my powerlessness over a disease.
But yes, downtime, recreation -- because it recharges me and brings me joy -- that is a blessing I can enjoy today.
MIP friends, I hope you all find some balance today.
