The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I'm new here but should have joined a few years ago. My husband is in recovery for opioid abuse. Me bought and took prescription oxy for almost 2 years. The majority of this time was behind my back, though I had my suspicions. He is now on suboxone and been off of the pills since January. My question is, he recently started smoking pot, in the form of the THC cartridges. We have smoked pot before but never routinely. Like not even 1 time a year. Marijuana is still illegal in our state unless you have a medical prescription. I know that some view marijuana as not a true drug and relatively harmless. My question is, for a recovering addict is this appropriate? I don't know what to do or think about this. He knows that the drugs (oxy) were a deal breaker for me and I would divorce him if he relapsed. He still gets drug tested at his monthly recovery appointments but they have been virtual lately due to COVID, so he isn't getting tested. I'm so lost. Please, any advice or support is appreciated. Thank you!
-- Edited by brocharoo on Tuesday 14th of July 2020 09:05:35 AM
brocharoo - welcome to MIP! Glad you found us and glad that you shared. We really don't give advice but do share our experience, strength and hope (ESH) freely. It sounds to me as if he's in recovery without the benefit of a program, which may/may not be successful. AA or NA are based on the same 12 Steps, as is Al-Anon (where you landed). In AA & NA, it is recommended that any mind/mood altering substance not prescribed by a physician is concerning. I have tons of friends who still smoke pot, but not any of my friends in recovery.
It is very common for an addictive person to switch from one 'thing' to 'another'. My best suggestion for you is to seek out and attend some Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings. I believe you will find others who have similar ESH to share with you and you'll find tons of support. If meetings are postponed due to the pandemic, you can google the official Al-Anon website, and find all kinds of alternatives - email, phone, online, Zoom, etc.
You truly are not alone here either - please keep coming back, read around, ask questions, share, etc. What we strive to do in Al-Anon is change our focus from 'them' to us, and figure out how to help ourselves heal from the affects of the disease. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Switching drugs is pretth common. Weed os not taken seriously enough
You are in the right place
This is a good place to start
You have already been through a rollercoaster.
Glad you are here. Keep posting
Maresie
My X went from script drugs to alcohol back to script drugs. Pretty much I call this chasing the feel goods. Really we all do it, the question is how we do it and is it healthy or unhealthy for us as individuals.
All I can say is keep coming back, and focus on your own recovery vs what he is or isn't doing. There are some good podcasts to listen to that are a tremendous wealth of information. I would try Kathy H and search her in the recovery on you tube. She's got good stuff to share.
Big hugs and welcome, S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Aloha Bocharoo and welcome to the board...good share and good courage to come and read the shares of other members. This is the very best place to come and learn about drug and alcohol affects on other people, friends and families. We have the ESH (not advise) to share with you about what we have gone thru and what it was like living within the diseases of alcohol and drug(s) addictions. Best for me to do when I first got here was to sit and listen, ask the fellowship questions like you have and then practice what I was given such as get and read the literature, get to as many meetings as I could in the first 90 days, find and use a sponsor (elder experienced member to help me learn) and to practice the principles daily. Stick around...this works when we work it. ((((Hugs))))
Opinions vary widely on the topic of weed. I have a close friend who is an active AA member and who smokes weed. I assume it takes the edge off his anxiety.
Welcome to this group
You have to remember AA started many years ago. For years AA was in smoke filled rooms. Non smoking only.came in when it had to. I know many recovering alcoholics who died of smoking. The alcoholism did not kill them the smoking did. Thete is a lot of controversy about what is permissible and what isnt in recovery. What side of the controversy you are on is irrelevant. The issue is what comes up for you b
My feelings on #weed# are this:
1) It is expensive. If your spouse is using daily that is a big hole in your finances
2) Being around people who are high all the times leaves you out. I am around people who are high sometimes. Their thinking is way off. They are not in #reality# in these pandemic times it would be normal to be anxious. They are not anxious because they are medicated
For example Christmas and New Years was a big trigger for me. I wanted to have #special# times with my partner. My partner (the now ex A ) ust wanted to get high. He wanted food but of course he wanted someone else to do the work
He was not really interested in what I wanted. He went to where he could get high. Nothing but nothing else mattered for the holidays. At all times his addiction was a priority.
One year I paid for us to go out of town. The now ExA went along with that. However when it came to the holiday itself he wanted to go to his mother's where he ceremoniously got high with his brother. Take note his brother later committed suicide a few years later
Where did that leave me pretty much high and dry #abandoned#. I have been in alanon a long time. It has taken me a long time to get to a place of acceptance that an alcoholic/addict has one oriority : to get high. Before I had acceptance of that I was really hurting
The way to getting to acceptance is not to get into the stay/leave paradigm. Indeed the way through is not to make any major decisions for a while. Meanwhile you employ the tools. Then you learn detachment.
Detachment really helps but it is like most tools you have to practice it to get some traction on it. When I was first learning detachment I was living with my qualifier who had a penchant for crashing cars ( one of which I paid for 100%). That is a pretty steep curve to detach from. Even today I have to detach from the small things to gear up to detaching from the big stuff.
The tools and suggestions of al anon can seem paradoxical. Being grateful when you are mired in resentent requires a lot of effort.
Then there is the concept of living one day at a time. Today is all I have and today for me was a steep curve that I found hard to navigate.
One of the suggestions for the program is not to get too hungry, angry lonely or tired. I was certainly all of those today. When I took time out to address that I fekt better and more able to deal with my very full plate
For me the program works best when i become williing. Lately my life has been very very difficult. I stayed with an alcoholic this year for 4 months. It was a very veru difficult experience. I had other stressors. Even with a program it was incredibly difficult I still have to deal with this person and sometimes I can feel compassion because he lives knee deeo in denial. Most of the time I resent that I have to deal with him. I.swear that I will never deal with him again once I do not have to. This is not the first time I have been in that place with him.
Meantime I work on ways to get to a place where I can make that happen. I want that to happen overnight in pandemic.
I get very frustrated that this us not happening on #my time#. After all everything is supposed to work on #my time#
I definitely struggle in dealing with alcoholics and dysfunctional people
I do better than I did before but most definitely it is sometimes a real struggle.
It is definitely life saving for me to be in al anon. I know that al anon has probably saved me on numerous occasions.
This pandemic is uncharted territory. I was working with an ex service man the other day. He said none of us are trained for this. I have to remember that because this pandemic throws me many curveballs. Acceptance is s hard one for me.
Welcome to this group. You will be accepted here right where you are.
There is no.judgment here. No.score card. There is warmth, compassion and most of all love. This group has been nutured and shaped by many people whe were extremely wise. This is a jewel in the thorns
Maresie
