The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer of today's page in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon is not a big fan of cheerful optimists. When life is not going well, those optimists don't seem to understand the suffering we are going through -- that we are martyrs! It seems impossible to smile when there is nothing to be happy about.
Still, The writer has found that a deliberate attempt to "laugh it off" brings troubles down to a manageable size.
Today's Reminder from the Just for Today leaflet: Just for today, I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said: "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." Nobody's life is all dark and cloudy. Let's look for the lighter and happier things in it. This often helps to make the clouds disappear!
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I remember being really p***ed off at uplifting phrases such as "God doesn't give us more than we can handle.". I mentally responded "Yeah, he does!" Because at the time my life was more than I could handle. And like today's author, I was somewhat able to "act as if" things weren't as bad as they were, that I was handling it OK, but the act was pretty hollow until I got into Al-Anon.
I think I've shared before how some of the lighthearted Al-Anon slogans gave me a turning point, making me able to laugh at myself. Sitting alone in my misery was not the solution, but reaching out within the program, accepting help -- these gave me glimpses of serenity so I could see that more was possible. So the choice to be happier was not just a decision, but an action, doing things differently -- that's where the shift came for me. Some of the actions have been re-arranging my space, prioritizing self-care, or learning a new skill. I still remember the day I went to the hardware store and bought my very own hammer, so I could take down pictures that I didn't like from the walls and put up my own choice of artwork instead. It still makes me happy to think about that day.
MIP friends, what is your experience with the idea that happiness is a choice? Is it just a simple decision to Be Happy? Are there tools you use to shift your mind-set?
Thank you FT for your service and wonderful share. I think being happy/content/serene, is all about my attitude and choices. Because I now see that I deserve to feel well emotionally, I can choose to focus on important things in my life that are blessings. Recovery has also taught me about gratitude and humility. Before recovery, I mostly focused on the misery my A was bringing to my life, and I felt miserable almost all the time. I'm not saying things are perfect, but I'm changing for the better. Acceptance has also been necessary for me to really get that I am the only one I can have influence over.
I had to chuckle while reading it, b/c my "favorite" saying (insert huge eye-roll here), is the "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." I just always thought that was a crock of you know what, whenever I would hear someone say that! LOL! I am still chuckling with the irony of this!
I had frequently lamented to my God, "OK, God.... enough." " I can't do anymore... I can't absorb anymore... put a fork in me, cuz I am DONE!" Since I kept getting more piled on, I lost faith in God. Now I look at that time as one in which I had to give up my will completely... perhaps that was the message. It just took me a LONG time to accept it!
As I progressed with my healing, and moved forward in Al-Anon, I began to notice that I lived with my own negativity, fear, and self-loathing. I was putting my needs first, but not attending to my soul's needs, you know? I had to begin to embrace the concept of forgiving myself. In doing so, I needed to figure out how to make light of things, without putting on those rose-colored spectacles I am so fond of. Accepting reality, but staying positive. It was and still is a learning process for me.
The concept of "You're only as happy as you choose to be" has been echoed by many quotes from famous people. But my favorite one so far is the Native American belief I have in my tagline.
I hope you all here on MIP have a Friday filled with moments of joy, wonder, and peace. Keep up your best practices to keep you safe from the Coronavirus.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily!I Thanks to all for your ESH and shares. I can admit (raises hand) to the big eye-roll over that phrase - God doesn't give .... My mind told me that nobody had it as bad as me, nobody else would be able to handle my life, etc. Martyr with a capital M!!!
The simple phrase, "Changed Attitudes Aid Recovery" was huge for my start in recovery. By practicing what we learn and focusing on me, I became aware that my attitude sucked most of the time. I walked around BR (Before Recovery) full of self-pity blaming the disease and the diseased. What I came to realize and appreciate is that nobody, not a single one of the A(s) in my life nor the MH people in my life asked or begged me to fix, change, control or improve them! All of 'that' was on me - all on me. I wanted those around me to bend to my will and what my mind said was 'normal, healthy, loving, sane, etc.'
When I spent time trying to understand what in me thought that was my job, more was revealed. As I practiced detaching and being a stand-alone person among others, not greater than, lesser than, smarter than, dumber than - just another soul on this planet, being responsible for my own happiness, peace, joy, etc. made much more sense.
A huge turning point for me was (Non-Al-Anon Alert) a sermon by Joel Osteen where he talks about joy. He makes it perfectly clear that we have the responsibility and choice to be joyful or not. We can focus on what's wrong or what's good. We can be grateful for what we have or we can think joy will come when we have more. He does suggest that how we view our days, lives, etc. are all a refection of our attitude and outlook.
I have no issue today admitting I was wrong or should have done differently. BR, either of these would have filled me with shame because I had a distorted sense of love, live, marriage, relationships, parenting, adulting, etc. I missed the life lesson early on that we aren't expected to be perfect, we are expected to be human and we will make mistakes. How we get up is far more relevant to our journey that how we fell down.
I try to start my day with one or more things I am grateful for before my feet hit the floor. I was one who grumbled all the way from the bedroom to the coffee pot before. While the coffee is brewing, I continue with that thought. I focus on being joyful and bringing joy to each moment of the day and it's been a game changer.
Happy Friday all! Tomorrow, I am returning to my volunteer position at a different golf course. I have all that I need - mask, sanitizer, spare clothes, etc. and am excited. Now that I am active again, I can get re-certified in CPR free, free golf lessons, free green fees, driving range, etc. as well as free flu shots and a few more 'things'. I am also joining an evening golf league on Wednesdays with some family members, so while the country club is lovely and I'll still be there 5 days a week, I get to change things up a bit!
If you find yourself with some spare time, googling and finding that Joel sermon is worthy of a listen. He does sprinkle in some verses and whatnot from the holy book, but his message is primary and that's secondary or supportive in nature. Love and light MIP family! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
