The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I found the reading for Monday, 6/29, rather interesting. The writer said that both the alcoholic and the alanon person share a common enemy: self-deception. It was said that both people describe different scenarios, each responds differently to what is happening, and neither can see the situation rationally until there is a change in attitude. It was suggested that Let Go and Let God is a good rule to follow.
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I believe this passage is describing me before program. I was a train wreck that I couldnt see, and gave all the blame to my A. It was a hard lesson to accept that living with alcoholism had made me sick too. I had to give up my false belief that I could fix the A, and in doing so, all would be fine. I could not heal and find peace had I not devoted myself to this program, through meetings, my sponsor, and the board. We each find our alanon path using the resources available that work for us.
RIP Betty, who often used ODAT in alanon when she did her service on Tuesdays. I miss her. Lyne
Lyne, thank you for your service and the daily. What an interesting insight, that I haven't thought of before -- a couple, where each is engaged in their own self-deception.
This shows me that my late alcoholic husband and I both had self-deceptions. He had to deny alcoholism because the thought of it was too shameful for him to bear. I had to deny that I was hurting because that truth was too shameful to bear. So. an impasse where neither one of us was getting help for our problem. Thankfully we each on our own journeys found a way to get past the shame, and to listen to wisdom outside of ourselves.
I heard someone say in a meeting "Denial is a shock-absorber to the soul." And I think that is true. Denial protects us from what we cannot handle. Yet too much protection kept me stuck, and I had to break that denial to come to a real solution. I was able to break my denial within the safety of the Al-Anon rooms, sponsor, and fellows in recovery.
I love how our literature always has a new insight to show me.
Thank you Lyne for your service and the ODAT daily - I know Betty is "upstairs" smiling down!
The reading is indeed interesting. Like Freetime, my eyes have been opened to the reality that both my Ex and myself had self-deception going big time! He: that he didn't have a problem; then when it was too hard to deny, that he could control the problem. Me: that I wasn't being affected by the disease, and that I could keep everything "together."
I think my eyes could never have seen my folly until this program. I am grateful everyday.
Happy Monday MIP!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. Self-deception is certainly present for all affected by this disease. For many in Al-Anon, myself included, I really thought if the disease could be arrested, all would be well. Oh...so...not the case here. There was and remains a ton of baggage in almost every corner of every room of the home!
What's lovely about Al-Anon is we get to find that baggage, open it up, take a look, discard or fold nicely to retain. Of course, my experience is that I find 'it' when I am ready and able to deal with it. The longer I am around, and the more I focus on me, the more is revealed. The disease is far reaching, yet I find that I had dis-ease well before I met/married my A. I had dis-ease well before I had my first drink. There are some parts of me, that have been in need of fine-tuning that have been around as long as I can remember. I have no doubt they come from FOO and that's OK!
For me, I can still practice self-deception. What really, really helps is when my sponsor asks me, "What is your part in 'this'? I have come to accept that at anytime I am taking another's inventory or standing in judgement for any reason, I need to regroup with my tools and revisit my own attitude and outlook. These 2 scenarios paint a picture of EGO returning to the front vs. humility and I am out-of-whack spiritually.
I do believe that denial is a self-preservation tool. Just recently, when my cousin was diagnosed with cancer and dead within 30 days, I was struggling to accept the cancer and in denial of the diagnosis. I wanted to have hope a 2nd opinion would lead to a course of treatment that would prolong her life. And also, on memorial day, when my favorite veteran took his life because he was afraid of visiting the VA AND the virus, all I heard was 'Bill's been shot....' My mind shut down and I literally had to call back to confirm he was no longer alive. My point - denial isn't always a bad thing if we are seeking the truth as we process.
Denial for me became unhealthy when I wanted to throw blame/shame at my A(s) and ASSume I did not contribute to the chaos/drama. I know better today and do better. There are still life events that throw me sideways, but I have tools to return to my center when I use them.
Happy, happy Monday all - I've golfed, compiled a care package for my parents and processed some sales. Off to finish my day and wash my car. Hope your Monday is AWESOME!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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