The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about expectations and unrealistic demands. The writer describes how pre-program he/she spent so much of life having expectations and making demands of everyone. All who fell short were judged harshly, especially the writer him/herself! Coming to Al-Anon was a change for the writer, who instead of being met with harsh commands found the gentleness of slogans like keep it simple and easy does it . For anyone who has dealt with the chaos of an alcoholic home, the gentleness of the program is a welcome relief. The writer goes on to describe learning from other members who modeled this more gentle and loving approach to recovery.
This writing reminds me of one of the first meetings I went to years ago. A woman was sharing and there was just a lightness and calm about her. She seemed genuinely content, which in my opinion didnt make sense at all, considering the scenarios she was sharing about her alcoholic home! I couldnt understand how she could seem so content in the face of what she was living with on a daily basis. It was one of the situations that helped me to see that Al-Anon was offering a new way of life. I know that I can be so extreme in my thinking and behavior at times. Being reminded that there is flexibility in recovery is a blessing. I appreciate this being summed up in the last sentence of the reading: I can work my program at the speed and to the degree that suits my needs at any given time.
Happy Sunday MIP! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily...it is the gentleness of suggestions and sharing of experience that intrigued me enough to come back. I had faced chaos, control, drama, direction, rules and the like for my entire life and the authentic joy and contentment of those willing to keep coming back kept me coming back!
It is in Al-Anon that I became aware that many of my expectations were unrealistic and selfish/self-serving. It has been my experience to discover in Al-Anon that I will be let down over and over again if I expect anybody or anything else to make me whole, happy or content. Happiness is an inside job, made possible by a belief in a power greater than I who joins me daily, all day long as I maneuver through this life on life's terms.
I am grateful for the gift of desperation that brought me to recovery. I am grateful for the patient, kind and gentle spirit of those who came before me in the rooms and I am grateful for the gift of willingness to just be, absorb and remain open to growth and change.
Make it a lovely day family....find and keep your joy!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Mary for your service and for both above great shares. Guilty also of having unrealistic expectations, demands, trying to force solutions, and thinking for years I could fix my A. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were....All of this thinking was a fairytale in my head, until I got involved with program and got a handle on what I actually can controlmaybe me if I work real hard. A huge task was getting rid of my codependency. The reliance on others to define me and determine my behavior and feelings is just a train wreck waiting to happen. Its a huge relief not to rely on an alcoholic to define me or my behavior. I love this program! Lyne
I think that by the age of 17 I had lost my hopes and dreams. Little or no expectation.
I read in C2C, most likely, about the group members- who could laugh and chat through the worst adversity. And, because that reading stuck- it is obvious that became a new resurrecting goal.
I think I was far too serious about group unity, and group growth- in the early years.
But that was a carry-over from my family- and as this part of me healed my heart and soul was restored.
From day one in Alanon I thought the slogans were "corny". But I likened them to all the folk wisdom I had learned as a kid. Because of the outcome of those, and the condition I was in- I was not standing in line for another round of platitudes.
Acceptance of the slogans was, more than anything else, a measure of growth for me.
I was always aware that local assemblies, GSO national convention, and WSO, were also avenues for group growth and examination of policy. And this always began with each member and the local group conscience.
Thanks Mary, E. and Lyne...