Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

C2C 6/20/20

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

smile P. Lovely share my friend. I hope the vet time with kitty goes well.

Sometimes I can expand on a topic; and around here if i have a burning issue of my own to share. Around here this is okay.

Not for me right now though. aww Just a time for cruising.

I picture FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real. Being in a group can help sift through what is real and evident, and what is not.

I Also say TEAR- which is True Evidence Appearing Real. Which means a lot of things have happened in my life and these were really happening.

Much without any support; or where the support system was an actual threat I had to deal with.

Not much room to do normal ordinary relaxed stuff, sometimes.

So a nice talk about an ordinary routine thing is nice and relaxing. Just a wee bit fearful about consequences for kitty.

Your question, P. One of the most awful fears is the fear of fear itself. Wanting and needing it to go away!

Or, at least the impending sense of doom or crisis... ...more and more often this is more absent. Having an average sense of fear that will protect me- make me cautious and avoid real, and routine threats, as they occur. aww ...

aww ... oh yes, I guess now that we all know what this is all about- to a greater or lesser degree.

I can cast my eye over your posting again, P. Take an emotional pulse, and feel okay- comfortable... nice feeling. aww

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

PNP, thanks for your service, and for both above shares. I have had a lifetime of fear affecting many aspects of my behavior and personality. I think the most long-lasting and most devastating fear was that created by an abusive and raging older brother. Years of not living with him did not stop that PTSD that would crop up anytime I was around someone who was very angry. Since being in program and the work I did with Betty, I have been able to spend time with this brother without the fear. It began when he developed serious heart issues requiring serious surgeries .I was avoiding him and I realized I did not want him to die without ME getting to heal. Could be seen as selfish but also when he wasn't abusing me, we did share some good times together. So I occasionally now , not often mind you, schedule a walk or meeting for lunch, but on my terms: I have my car and he doesn't come to my place, so I could exit at any point I wanted to. It's going well, and the last time we met for lunch in a restaurant, I actually enjoyed my time with him. Then covid hit so everything has been on hold. And that's OK too. I guess the point is, is that to overcome this fear I've confronted the aggressor in a controlled manner on my terms. He even has heard me say that he gave me a lifetime of fear to the point that I could not stand to be around him in my adult life. I'm proud of myself for this. And healing! Lyne

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((PnP))) - I sure hope your kitty is OK! Thank you for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. For years, I truly thought I was fearless. I stood up against all kinds of 'wrongs' and could cite many examples were I was more of a warrior than not. However, when it came to me, myself and I and self-awareness, I was not only driven by 100 forms of fear, I'd been in a survival role for so, so long, my denial had denial.

One of the many reasons I was such a detailed planner (controlling) was an evergreen attempt to control. I feared failure and the unknown when plans needed to change, and reality suggests that change is a common happenstance. For me, when something or someone deviated from what I had projected, it caused great anxiety as I felt I was loosing control and always projected the worse case scenario. I struggled to see this cycle, instead planning in more detail, doing more research, etc. so that 'next time', it wouldn't go 'like that'.

FEAR has many different acronyms - this page has many - https://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/FEAR

Most that apply to me have everything to do with my thoughts jumping ahead of the present and forgetting that FAITH has carried me over and over and over again through all kinds of things. Today, when I have that physical start of fear, I do as I do with so many things, I Pause to Pray before I Proceed. I always am given enough time to remember who I am, what I believe, who I trust and what tools I can use to stay present, mindful and focused on the here/now.

Happy Saturday all - started the day early @ the golf course and took a lovely afternoon nap! My kind of weekend! (((Hugs)))

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry you have to deal with this issue with your Kitty. I know vet bills can be extremely expensive. I will he thinking of you I currently do not have my dog staying with me. That is very difficult for ne. I cannot wait to be in a place where I can have him home again. I most certainly have been swallowed up by fear in the past. Fear most certainly ruled ne. In fact this past week I had a panic attack because I was i was under so much stress. I have had to work really hard to get out of the olace of being overwhelmed. I had to do some major inventory taking. I have also had to set clear priorities. Maresie

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

PnP-

good morning; I just saw this post and as happens so often, it was just what I needed to see when I needed to see it:)

at different times I have let fear direct my life. Fear and all the what ifs I conjure up in conjunction with it! Thank you for your writing on this and a reminder to me about being a work in progress:)

M

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for the wonderful shares on this topic, as well as the well-wishes for my Kitty!!!

As it turned out, I could not find one vet's office that wasn't booked 2/3 weeks out! Darn COVID!! However, my HP provided for me, and my Kitty is on a dosing of antibiotics and is already starting to feel better!! Huzzah!

I have to also mention that I really, really identified with Iamhere's share: "I struggled to see this cycle, instead planning in more detail, doing more research, etc. so that 'next time', it wouldn't go 'like that'."

Because of the type of work I am in, this type of "ensuring" that I don't repeat mistakes is important. So this same behavior I have is still useful to me. The difference is now I can compartmentalize it into a "work box," instead of applying it to everything and everyone. That has been the power of Program for me.

&

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

So, so glad to hear that your kitty is on the mend! Isn't it maddening that we don't know what's affected by the pandemic until we do? I desperately need new glasses/contacts and not an option right now. I am trying to be patient but it's maddening to not be able to 'see' well. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance - truly very grateful that it's only 'that' and not anything major! (((Hugs)))

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad to hear your kitty is recovering. Currently my dog is not stayjing with me. I miss him terribly. I also know he is happy. I know what it is to be a responsible owner I am trying to move my life to a different level. That involves a lot of anxiety Fear paralyzed me into staying in a relationship that was really destructive Every day I get more and more focused on my boundaries. Today one of my co workers got in touch with me about a problem he was having. I do not know how he even had my phone number. All my life I have made other people's problems mine. I have lived with the resemtment that goes along with that What a gift to say #this is not ny problem!!!# I.am only able to break out of this scenario because I got to maximum stress. I had to say no more on this plate I finally got there Maresie

mamalioness · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((((PnP))))))))))))))))))))) you said fear of being perceived as "not good enough," Fear of not being able to make it on my own. Fear of financial instability.

Thank you for your beautiful and brave post!!!! and thank you for your service

I say, BOY this is ME!!! fear of being inadequate to care for myself...so bad that I even did the roommate thing and gave her 3 chances to settle down and be a good team mate, out of what??? FEAR of financial instability....finally I had to choose...my peace of mind or her rent money.....I chose PEACE and I don't regret it, but that ole fear lingers just under the surface...am I gonna make it??? am I gonna be able to support myself??? when unemployment ends, will I have replaced the clients I lost???? will I be able to take care of me???? yea, I get afraid, but I am so sick of being afraid, I just decided to dump it on my HP and KEEP dumping it over and over on my HP....I am so done with stress and fear....ALL due to the same ole thing---being able to support myself

-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 22nd of June 2020 01:12:21 AM

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

I really should look into.this vet issue because my dog needs a vaccination in the next month. I.am looking to mahe the next 6 months calmer but also more focused . This last 6 months has been extremely trying. The next 6 months have to be iess of a probjem. Being rugidjy boundaried helosca lot. Being less reactivw helps. There are certain people I want to set distance from. Thevex roommare being ine of them. I have been in contact with him for 20 years. Letting go does not happen overnight. I wish it could. There are other people I want to.put a grest deal of distabce from. This particular job being one of them. Nothing happens over night I think I am being immature in wanting that I have a new support group friends now who have been really heloful. Bringing better people into my life is so critical. I am renown for bringing in peole who drain me. That pattern is changing Maresie .

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene