The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a focus on steps two and three. As I re read these steps I am thinking about the progression of surrender to action. We acknowledge powerlessness in our lives in step one, in step two we come to believe that a higher Power than ourselves can help us restore our lives to sanity, and in step three we make a decision. In step three we take the action of deciding we will turn our lives over to the care and guidance of our higher power.
The writer describes beginning by turning over small situations to his/her Higher Power. With the choice to trust in the lifeline that the presence and guidance of a higher power plays in our lives, we are able to live with serenity and confidence in all that we face.
Trusting in the presence of a higher power was not a struggle in particular for me. Choosing to turn over situations to my HP was the difficult part! It turns out I can be quite a control freak! It is helpful to remember that the answers and results and outcomes might not always be what I imagine they should be. I am learning to trust that and not try to force things to be the way I think they should be.
As I read this today I am remembering one of my aunts who would often say a prayer that was simply: God, please give me the strength I need. I grew up hearing that over and over again throughout my childhood (some of my adolescence may have inspired it), and it taught me about trusting in the decision to turn our lives over to our HP. I believe that as I continue to take this action, I will continue to have all that I need in my life.
So much to ponder on today, that's for sure! I loved your take on this: "It is helpful to remember that the answers and results and outcomes might not always be what I imagine they should be." That is one sentence that definitely can be applied directly to me!!! Once I stopped insisting that my HP's way needs to exactly align with my way, and allowed myself to be of open mind and open heart to alternate solutions, that is when I started finding peace within myself!! It was about having Faith that my HP will take care of me.
Your Aunt's quote also reminded me of something that I have always hated: "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I would lament over and over to myself, "Why, or why does God think I am so strong? I just want to be seen as weak... just once!" LOL! Even though I still bristle at this saying, it was more about me than God. I wanted out of the responsibilities. The responsibilities that I took on. As I learned about not picking up the rope, not engaging, not enabling. what my side of the street was, etc. this saying held less power over me.
Today, I use the Hawaiin word, Akua - taught to me by Jerry btw - I find the word soothing and loving. Not filled with the tropes and old beliefs of my youth.
I like the simplicity of your Aunt's prayer for strength.
I am going through some stuff this weekend... I am not ready to write about it as it is all about the current state of my Ex. But I am sharing it with my sponsor. So with your Aunt's "permission," ~ "Akua, give me the strength I need."
Thank you, Mary.
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-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Sunday 14th of June 2020 10:38:45 AM
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you to you and PnP for your shares and ESH. I too have an aunt - she simply would say - all the time that if you're worrying, you're not praying. It took most of my life to realize how true this is! If my mind and heart are consumed with projections, obsessions, worry and anxiety over anything else, I am unintentionally blocking myself from the sunlight of the spirit.
The biggest issue I had moving forward in Al-Anon recovery was my own denial about my contribution to the chaos of this disease. I denied I was insane, I denied my actions were 'overboard', I denied that I had fault in the chaos and drama. Until I could see, accept and embrace my own contribution, it was difficult to change, grow and find authentic joy and peace.
For so very, very long, I had held 'it' all together, or so I thought. The reality was I attempted to control, manage, change, cure and judge those affected by this disease around me. As I began to detach myself from the disease and the diseased, and focused on me, I saw more of my contribution to the chaos caused by this disease. The reality was nobody asked me to control, manage, change, cure or judge another - those were self-appointed roles. My sponsor would often ask, What if you didn't ........................ In my mind, I thought things would fall apart. What I found in reality was nothing fell apart, everyone survived, and things were done differently than I desired, but it was all OK!
Surrender for me meant to set to the side, and leave behind the self-righteous notion that I knew 'best' for those I love. Instead of offering my opinion, my unsolicited advice/suggestions, etc. I practiced pausing and praying before proceeding. I had trained everyone in my home to come to me with all issues, problems, etc. and then complained that I was overworked and underpaid! I resigned from many of these 'roles' and found some humility and grace by letting go. It took me a long while to realize that building a relationship with a higher power is not possible if/when I am trying to be 'that' for self and others.
I make a daily habit of visiting 1-2-3 each morning before I get too far in my day. It's important to me and for me to realize this disease and it's affects don't go away and my best change at lasting, authentic joy, serenity and sanity is to keep practicing. It's my ego and self-will that suggests I've 'got this' and don't need to work at it/for it. It is calming and refreshing all at once to remind myself each morning that I am a woman in recovery, doing the best I know, and accept that I am perfectly imperfect. I always ask God to lead me where I should go, and to give me fortitude to make it to my pillow, with kindness, compassion and grace. This is what Step 2/3 give to me - the ability to stand tall, proud and serene in the middle of any storm simply because I'm no longer in charge and have given my life and will to the God of my understanding.
I hope everyone has had a grand day so far! I started my morning golfing and then had a lovely lunch and a nap. It's still hot here so early golf makes it so much more comfortable. No golf tomorrow and then 6 straight days, it's become a lovely way to start my day! Love and light to all - grateful for you, MIP, recovery, HP, humility, sanity, serenity, authenticity and of course, JOY!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What an uplifting post on how Program works for you Iamhere! Thank you for reminding me!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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