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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Posting a bit early, because my morning tomorrow will be a chaotic one
In today's reading from Courage to Change, the author shares about their initial reaction to taking step 8 (Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all). The author had a comprehensive list of people they had harmed, but was absolutely unwilling to make amends to all of them. With the help of a sponsor, the author divided the list into 3 categories: those the author was willing to make amends to, those the author might be wiling to make amends to, and those the author would never consider making amends to. When the author started step 9, they began making amends to people on the first list. With time, some people from the "maybe" list shifted to the "willing" list. with more time, even the people on the "absolutely not" list moved to the maybe and then the willing list. The author's reward for making amends was some renewed friendships and family ties, and the ability to face the new day without guilt, having lived up to their own responsibilities.
Today's Reminder: I will not let myself be stopped from taking step 9 or step 9 because I cannot do it perfectly overnight. I will let myself be where I am today, and do what I am able to do.
Today's Quote: "It does not matter how slowly you go; So long as you do not stop." Confucius
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Today's quote is one of my absolute favorites, and this is something that I hold on to when I get frustrated with myself and my progress in my program. I remember when I started the program, I felt stuck by the weight of amends that I felt I needed to make. I started making the amends, clumsily, that I felt ready to make. With time and more experience in the program, I was able to make amends and move forward with some renewed relationships.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I like the wording of Step 8. It only requires that you are WILLING to make amends. Sometimes amends cannot be made in person. Sometimes we can feel too hurt to want to make amends. In either case, this Step is about WILLINGNESS, not the actual amending. Like the reading pointed out, one can slowly work through the process of becoming "willing."
Happy Hump Day all! &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good morning MIP! Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily! Thank you and PnP for your ESH/shares. I can so relate to having 'some' I did not/would not make amends to....thank goodness for smarter than I, BTDT (Been There Done That) folks who suggested I split up my list. My mind works much better when I am able to chunk things into workable portions - no matter what it is.
What I have found as life, time and my journey continues is situations have unfolded often that allowed me to make amends - when I wasn't sure or even aware of what was going on. As I grow/change spiritually, and trust in the 'master plan', and focus on just the next right thing, I've been amazed at some situations that for me, can only be explained as God-Provided.
All I know is the simpler I keep my thinking, my days and my life, the more that is continuously revealed. The more that is revealed, the closer I feel to my HP. Any negative energy (anger, resentments, disappointment, etc.) that I choose to hold tight to blocks me from the sunlight of the spirit. Today, I am beyond ready/willing to amend (change) any possible scenario for the added benefit of more freedom from the bondage of 'self'.
Happy Hump Day all - hope your busy day goes well Skorpi! I have on long pants - our heat wave ended, and it's in the 50s....very strange weather for my area for June! We have a very, very windy day here! Love and light all...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Skorpi for your service and for all the great shares above. I had to just chuckle at myself as I think about my relationship with steps 8 & 9. I remember the horror I felt the first time I did the steps with my sponsor and I thought about the 10 page list I would be making of people to make amends to. And of course there were no 10 pages and it was a very satisfying experience to make the actual amends. Last year I did the steps again, and when I got to 8 & 9 I realized something I needed to address with my younger siblings. And after I made amends to them, they (not in program) each made an amends to me for childhood stuff. I love the Steps! Lyne
I didn't rush into steps 8 and 9 during my working the steps efforts because as an enabler and fixer many of my efforts were rightfully intended yet how I did them were later considered wrongful. My illegal behaviors were much more black and white wrong and I went about a long time with pen and pencil and paper making amends for what I did. Most of the outcomes from those I have contacted were from within surprise and amazement.
Still there were other contacts and amends I made that led to others. Trust your Higher Power and keep and open mind and heard and HP will make the contacts that need to be completed
A couple of years ago while I was sitting in a meeting that had nothing to do with 8 and 9 or amends an apologies HP whispered a name into my mind that I had not heard for 21 years and never considered hearing again and yet I worked the step on it and the past relationship and was I wrong. I had reason inside of myself for not considering the past event and more reason to do the inventory. What I did to a young boy and his father I believe was fully justified as I looked at it from my podium but now after having it brought again before me and after making so many other amends I started seeing the picture in a way I had never considered.
I believed I was justified but didn't believe that I was right in leaving my victims with the belief that they were totally responsible for what was done my way. I had to take a trip back from Hawaii and did but didn't find my attempt reasonable so I round tripped and went back. The event took place here in Clovis and I knew I was going to make the 5200 mile round trip again because I had honest doubts and I know what my program taught me thru my sponsor. "Admit your part and apologies anyhow and make it right with HP". Two years later I made the trip again and contacted the father and son saying I had a desire to meet with them if they were willing. They were still as angry as the afternoon I committed a violent act and felt justified. I lived across the street and they didn't know what was going on in my life. "What the eff did I do to you that deserved what you did to me"? and there I understood that the family had never forgotten the pain of my assault.
They gave me permission to meet in their house and after a sincere honest explanation and apology both explained, "We can never imagine anything like this happening before and were grateful". I learned that where I might focus on just one part of the event I had left them self blaming themselves that they had caused the whole thing to happen which wasn't near the truth.
I am sitting in a chair in Clovis CA right now just a few miles away from that family and know I can consider the offense forgiven and am able to go visit without fear. Thank you God and Al-Anon. This works when we work it. It might not be easy but it works!! ((((hugs))))
There is one person who i really would like to make amends to. She was a friend who I should on. My friend lotst her entire life savings in a crooked scheme by someone she knew well. That loss was after her marriage had failed. Thar loss was after a subsequent relationshio ended in her oartmer's untimely death
I #should# all over my friend. I did not hear her. I did not take into account all the cumulative losses my friend has. Subsequently she lost her beautiful apartment which was spacious and in a great location
I did not value that relationship because I did not value myself. It is hard to lose a good friend.
I had some misolaced idea that I knew what she needed to do. In fact I knew very very little about her situation.
I know where my friend is. I have a ohone number. I just do not think that now is the the time to make anends. I may get to a place where I can write to a letter. I hooe so.
Maresie
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