The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I didn't like the Third Step when I first came into Al-Anon, but I was so desperate that I figured I would just have to go along with whatever the Steps told me. I did not like the idea of turning my will and my life over to anyone or anything, because experience had taught me not to trust most people. No way was I going to be vulnerable enough to allow myself to be neglected, trapped, or hurt, and I had no clue how to protect myself.
This page in Courage to Change holds the key to what I was missing about Step Three -- the word "care." The writer of this page put the word care in italics for emphasis. "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the careof God as we understood Him." That's what I had been missing. Whatever the Higher Power is, it cares about me. The writer's Higher Power loves them as they are, accepts them with compassion, and is a source of constructive guidance. The writer experiences Higher Power as a light of unconditional love and understanding.
I had forgotten that there were people who actually did care about me -- and some of them I did not meet until I came to Al-Anon. Well, then, I suppose I could trust someone who cares about me ... and that was demonstrated to me, which seemed like miracles, as people lifted me up when I was unable to do it myself.
My sponsor also reminded me, with a riddle, "If three birds are sitting on a branch and one of them makes a decision to fly away, how many birds are on the branch?" Two? No, three! Because the bird only made a decision, he didn't fly away yet. Step Three is only about making the decision. I don't have to turn myself over all at once, I don't have to try flying off the branch and falling on my face because I don't know how to handle flying yet. I came to believe, in Step Two, that it is possible to fly, but I don't have all the skills and knowledge yet to actually do it, and there are nine more steps that will help me get there..
Step Three gives me a gentle nudge in the direction that I just might be able to trust in the care of others who can do for me what I cannot do for myself. And with that, I might become strong enough for self-care.
MIP friends, I hope you find care and self-care today.
Thank you for your service, Freetime. And a special thank you for posting your ESH about this Daily!
I never thought about it, but I also gleaned over the word (and emphasis) on the word "Care!" I never even realized it until I read the riddle given to you by your sponsor!! I love that riddle by-the-way!!
It is finally Friday, and it is a drizzly day... still have to go to work, still have to move forward with my day. What a wonderful thought for me... my day is turned over to the care of my HP!!
Be the change you want to see in the world! &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks FT for your service and great share. I had no use for Step 3 for several years. I thought I was being encouraged to take charge of myself with focus and actions, and then I'm being asked to turn everything over to HP. But in the last few years, I can honestly say that left up to me, I have made many mistakes and bad choices. So now these last few years, I have embraced Step 3. Ultimately I still make my own mind up, but I see I need help. Lots of help! So each morning now when I pray, I say Step 3: God, I'm turning my will and my life over to the care of you. And thank you while we're at it, Lyne
Aloha Free Time from central valley CA where we now reside. This is where I turn my will and life over to HP because it is a choice to be fair honest and just with my wife after she chose to live 28 years in Hawaii with me. I need to keep my life turned over morning, noon and night because if I don't and fall back to trying to take control again...insanity returns.
(((((Freetime)))))). Oh my goodness what a great Cher! The first three steps were my nemesis as well when I first got into recovery and to be honest it was only in the last year or two that I really decided that I have to turn my will and my life over to the care of my higher power as I understand him or her or it. What really helped me was finding this awesome church and I saw the love and the support and fellowship that I never had before in my life as far as churches go, there is a face To face recovery group there and also the LifePoint groups. I decided to do more than just a half baked effort regarding steps one and two and three
It took me a long time to be willing to trust in my higher power within me that is of the universe and is of love and abundance and good things. All my life I was taught over and over and over that I could not trust anything, not even God. I was told that God ordered him to do the despicable things that he did to me and my siblings and my mother. I grew up thinking that this God was a horrible creature who hated me and wanted to squash me. Thats what I believed for years and years decades Im talking
Program helped me just wipe the blackboard clean and start over but it would not be an easy job. I had my ups and my downs and my struggles and my successes and my failures with the first three steps but I was determined to just keep picking at them and keep listening to other peoples shares about them and finally this last couple of years particularly this last year I decided-I give up I cannot do life anymore on my will power and on my strength alone. So I turned my life in my will over to my higher power. I do all the things I can do to take care of me as is expected of me and the stuff I cannot control or have no power over, I am now very happy to turn it over to something more powerful and more effective than I am and it is working quite well. My life is going much better.
Thank you for sharing this. I really needed to see this as a reminder that I did the right thing embracing step three and the two steps before it. And thank you for your service
I'm a day late and a dollar short....heard that all the time as a child! Thank you Freetime for the daily and your service. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I also was not real sure about this step when I first saw it and read it and considered it. Of course, I was still quite insane and stuck in a 'my will/my way' kind of pattern so of course it seemed daunting! And, yes, I too missed the 'decision' and 'care' part. I spent a lot of time in my life expecting to find bread at the hardware store, and gravely disappointed when it wasn't there.
My experience is like Jerry's - it's almost always an all day affair. It's not so much that I'm wanting to take my will back - it's still natural for me to thing I 'need to ....................' when faced with issues, decisions, etc. My best days in this program are those days where I am able to truly take a back seat to my HP, roll with whatever unfolds and practice unconditional acceptance. I would love to report that all days are this way - just not so! What I can share is the longer I practice this program, the better my life is and my days are far, far more peaceful than before.
Another lovely part of Step 3, the last - as we understood him. This, for me, has changed. I had no idea what I thought God was when I first started praying in Al-Anon and felt silly, lost and a bit insane. As time goes by, and I know me better than before, I view God vastly different. It continues to evolve as I grow/change. And, we are welcomed to explore any power greater than self - what a gift!
My sponsor suggested I consider the first 3 steps each morning, and I still do. It seems to work well for me! It doesn't have to be a long, drawn out process or effort - just a review of who I am, where I've been and what works for me today! Love and light all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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