The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Finally! The roommate is finally gone. I got her up early on June 1 and we listened to one of our favorite pastor on Facebook and then I made her get up and at it and I helped her pack and get her stuff in the car and she was out of my house by 11:30 AM
I could see after the live Facebook that we watched from one of our pastors that she was wanting to lay about and rest but I would not have it, I jumped up from the couch I was sitting on and said we need to get up and at it now that we heard a good sermon, a good lesson, to start our day, it is time to get to work
I told her I wished her well and that I hoped her new place would be a happy and good environment for her and later on when she had been gone, our pastor came and removed the window AC unit that we had borrowed from him and he told me that he felt I did a champion job trying to help her and that I had nothing to feel bad about and I told him I did not feel bad-in fact I feel very happy with myself that I gave her a chance And tried to help her, but she just would not observe the rules and the boundaries and these rules and boundaries I applied to me as well. I told Pastor that and he said I need not explain that He knew that she had issues but he had no idea that they were as bad as they were and he apologized for introducing us and I said that it was my final decision to let her in so it was my doing and my lesson. And I take away a lot of lessons in this: I found out a lot of good things about myself. I discovered how tremendously this program has helped me with my self-respect and my boundaries and my staying in my own lane regarding Not working anothers inventory but sticking to statements that begin with me and focus on me, it is wonderful what does program has done for me and I will be improving yet more for the rest of my life
when I evicted her, I did not work her inventory or be unkind or insult her or put her down, nothing even close to that I just stuck to the facts and her behavior and that it was not compatible with the way I live. I told her we were not a match and that I wished her the best of luck but she cannot stay here. It was so funny I looked like a little task master prodding her along to get her packed and loaded her car, I helped her arrange some of the stuff in her car so she could see through the back window but really I didnt do that much to help her because it wasnt my job but I did just enough to keep her going in a forward direction and out my front door. Afterwords I felt a big sense of relief and a touch of sadness that it did not work out and that rent money would have been nice to keep it going but my serenity was more important to me and it boiled down to choosing between my serenity and that extra money Perhaps for the first time, I did not let fear, financial fear run the show here. I decided I am going to trust my higher power for a happier means of support and I let it go and I do not regret it
after she was gone, I noticed how exhausted I was: mentally, spiritually, I felt like I was going to just fall over and sleep for two days but I have things to do I had to get dog food at Walmart and I was just so exhausted I couldnt even think straight. So when I got home I rested and went to bed that night last night and I slept quite well and today I got up and I was able to do the yard and go practice some tennis at the gym and they had the pool open so I jumped in the pool and swam
I feel much better today than I did yesterday in regards to mental and physical exhaustion. There is nothing like constant stress to wear you out and exhaust you where it did me.
but I am already rebounding, settling in, the dogs are happy they have full run of the house now. By the time I go back to work I will feel I am sure much better. Im going to go in on Friday because the boss was so kind to let me stay home and watch over my house because she was leaving materials around where the dogs could get into them and get hurt or worse and I just did not trust her. She just had no regard for my personal belongings
I had to throw out the bathroom towels and face cloths and hand towels because she missed treated them and stain them so I just dump them in the trash and I went to Walmart and I got beach towels that match that wallpaper perfectly in that bathroom and I got some hand towels and face cloths that went very well with the beach towels so I just decided OK I will just start over and I accept this unexpected expense and just let it go. She is gone I had to throw out the bathroom towels and face cloths and hand towels because she missed treated them and stained them so I just dump them in the trash and I went to Walmart and I got beach towels that match that wallpaper perfectly in that bathroom and I got some hand towels and face cloths that went very well with the beach towels so I just decided OK I will just start over and accept this unexpected expense and just let it go. She is gone So why harbor grudges and resentments towards her? I just tossed the towels etc. in the trash and I replaced the linens in that restroom and cleaned it up nice and I had a shower in it tonight and you would never know she was here. I washed everything that she used: sheets, pillow cases, bed skirts, comforters, anything she used, I washed it and everything looked OK except for the linens in the guest restroom
The old me would have been cursing her and screaming obscenities at her for ruining nice linens that were nearly brand new, unused, and she treats them like that. To me, it just was not worth it. She is gone. I replaced the damaged things and I am moving on
sorry I have not been on for a couple of days but I was just so mentally and physically and emotionally drained from this experience, I am grateful to my higher power that it is over. I dont think Ill do the roommate thing again. The only way I could possibly see this working is when I am older and the other person is older and we are more similar in age and quiet and clean living habits. But I am not even going to think about it at this point. I am trusting in my HP that I will be provided for and so it is time for me to MoveOn and that is what I am doing
It was truly nice to read your Program in action!!
Well done, Rose!! (I know you don't need me to say that, but I am impressed nonetheless!)
Enjoy working Friday!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
{{{Rose}}} I am so happy for you and to see the program in action!! I have been following your roommate story and have been looking forward to this day. I can feel the freedom you have now.
New towels!! Clean sheets!! Reclaiming your safe space!! You had support from your boss and your pastor. You acted with compassion. It brightens my day just to think about it.
((((((((((PnP))))))))))))) it is always lovely when you stop by and give me a post
((((((((((Freetime)))))))))))))) ohhhh I cannot even describe how utterly exhausted I discovered i was until she left, but I was still bent on cleaning up and like you so eloquently said "Reclaiming your safe space"..Even the dogs seem happier, LOL....I did send up a prayer that she makes good at her new place....It was tremendous that, yea, my boss AND the Pastor both supported me...I have proven myself to both of them and it was wonderful when they acknowledged me by giving their support..
I have to confess: I did lay a bit of blarney on her, QUITE a bit to keep her from cycling into one of those passive aggression cycles and dilly dally on moving out or....making me wait till Wednesday to be rid of her, So yea, I laid on the compliments and encouragement and pep talks, almost neglecting MY self care in doing so, but I just kept telling myself..."Monday Monday Monday---Rose you can do this---You are at the finish line---hang in there" I had to do a lot of praying as well..
I DO wish her the absolute best!!! I even said a prayer that she be OK and do well in this boarding house that houses people with "issues" where they need structured living..
I am glad your roommate managed to finf somewhere else. It is very hard to part on good terms with people. I am glad you were able to do that. I know how much restraint is involved in doing that That takes a lot of maturity to manage.
Maresie
When it comes to the unhealthy, dysfunctional, sick, etc., people I come into contact with, or the few that are "around" my life -- because I do not let them "in" my life so to speak -- I wish good things for them. I pray for them. I hope they find the desire, will, ability, whatever the case may be...to get better and healthy!!!
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
I could not get over how mentally and emotionally and even spiritually exhausted I was having this very second dysfunctional lady living with me but I learned a lot of lessons and I can take away a lot of good knowledge that I discovered about myself and my program and my recovery so it was not all bad because I learned a lot.
I do keep the sick and dysfunctional people at a safe distance for the most part but out of financial need, I took a chance, she came from my church, so I thought it was a good risk and so I accepted her as a roommate
OK! Lesson learned! It did not work out so I did the next right thing by me by giving her a 30 day eviction notice which she did leave and I did pray for her to as Bo said. I did pray for her to work a good stringent program and so that she could move forward in a forward direction in her recovery and do better and be better. I did pray for her on that score. I hold no grudge is or animosity towards her in fact I am so grateful to my HP that I am not in the situation that she is in mentally and emotionally, I am healing and getting better and doing better and I am moving forward even in the spiritual end of the program which was my greatest challenge. I am so busy being grateful that I am not in her shoes, I can feel only compassion for her and extreme gratitude that she is out of my hair LOL and not draining me anymore with her drama and her cycling in and out of passive aggressive and all of that. I told her I wished her well
Later on, I found out she damaged my bathroom linens and I told her about it, I did not do it in a mean way I just told her that I noticed the damage and I had to throw away the linens and replace them. She got angry with me for throwing that in her face and I just told her that I had every right to let her know that she damaged yet some more of my possessions but I was going to let it go and move on however I told her because I felt she needed to know. I would want To know if I did something to somebodys property. I would want to know so I could make amends. But that is just me
She got all nasty and accused me of putting her down and abusing her and all of this crazy and all I could say back to her LOL-all I could say back to her was that I would lift her in prayer that she find peace and happiness within her self. I did not know what else to say. This was in a text not a verbal conversation but I did text her and told her I would lift her in prayer. I mean what else do you say to somebody who is so dysfunctional and sick? I told Pastor leslie about it and he apologized to me that I went through all of this and he told me he was 100% in support of me and I told him that she is gone, out of my hair, cannot hurt me or my property anymore, I will recover, I will get better, I already am beginning to feel better, and I will continue to move forward. For that, I am grateful to my higher power. Too busy being grateful to hold grudges against this sick and dysfunctional little lady who my hope can get help for her problems.
I am sitting here on my little futon couch that I just absolutely love and I am getting ready to watch some good videos and just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet with my pets. This is my first weekend of peace and tranquility and serenity and I am going to savor it. Its been two months. Two months I had her here and that was enough LOL
I learned many good lessons in this and now I will be even wiser at seeing the red flags in people who are sick and dysfunctional so I can put a healthy distance between me and them and just left them in prayer as I put up my fences
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