The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Quote of the Day:"I expect to pass through life but once. If, therefore, there can be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow human being, let me do it now." --William Penn
Each night, as we place our heads upon our pillows, we can think back over the day and remember the things we said or did that added pleasure to others' lives. Usually, those same words and actions add joy to our lives too.
During our lives we have passed by multiple opportunities to be kind to others -- there are no second chances. But what we can do is be aware of those special opportunities now and make the very best of them.
My new awareness of life's fleeting opportunities will help me show my kinder side more often.
I chose this reading today for a purpose. I have been struggling during this pandemic with some people's views of others that have gotten a lot of media attention. I am no fool. I know that this type of behavior has been around literally forever. I was raised by my parents to be open and accepting of others. I was a infant in the 60's, and lived a sheltered suburban childhood through the 70's- and my parents nurtured my kind heart. I am forever thankful to them for teaching me to be open and accepting. I know that I am not alone. But lately I feel in the minority. I seem to have let the "ugly" cloud my feelings and disrupt my Serenity.
I chose this reading today to remind myself that humans are inherently GOOD. To remind myself that we each have that opportunity to sow the seeds of love and acceptance... to bring LIGHT to the dark places.
I like the idea of each night reviewing what we did that gave others happiness... even if it was just a smile.
I am signing off with my most favorite quote... I have been using it as a mantra before I go to bed lately.
Be kind to others, be kind to yourself.
"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." -- Mahatma Gandhi
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Saturday 30th of May 2020 10:30:47 AM
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Saturday 30th of May 2020 10:31:19 AM
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
PnP, I am not familiar with your reading but certainly the message is good. I have tried to live my life by the golden rule: treat others as I wish to be treated. And with program, I have become stronger in doing what I feel is right, even if others disagree.
No one else I know lives half time away from their spouse, my A in this case. I reached a point several years ago, that I did not want a divorce, but I could not tolerate the behavior. I bought a condo an hour away, and now live half the week near my son and his family, whom my spouse has alienated from alcoholic behavior. Instead of putting our money together in retirement, I bought a place I am leaving to my son. I feel good about this and the time apart is wonderful. My A will not dedicate herself to recovery, and I no longer dedicate myself to her 100%. At times I cant believe I have done this, but Im happy with my decision. This is my example of not being a doormat any longer, being true to myself, and I practice what program teaches me i.e. treating others with compassion and kindness. Betty was with me all the way as I made these changes. RIP Betty, a great woman indeed. Lyne
I am of an age where I can still remember being taught "The Golden Rule" while at public school! It is how I learned to live my life, and how I continue to walk through my adult life. I also think it is one reason why I had such a hard time with my alcoholic/addict spouse... I was always trying to understand why he did what he did within that context... ~treat others how you would want to be treated~ it never jived. Here I learned that there is no reasoning with this disease. All that you learned growing up usually can't apply.
I have always been impressed with your journey. You mention how you have divided your household up many times... usually with some 'air/feeling' of guilt in the tone. I am guessing it is because it is not the "Norm" (whatever that is! LOL). But I see it as brave. I see it as the ultimate compromise to your life as it is right now. No waiting forever for someone else to make it better... you knew you had a need -to be more connected to your son - and you solved that need in the best possible way IMHO. I always applaud you quietly when I read your shares about this!!
When I first started my journey to healing, I'll be honest... I wished that I could have your solution... b/c I didn't want to hate my spouse. We were best friends. We used to do everything together and had the same values. I thought that if I just had some time away from the chaos, I could stay married. But in my state, married people share equally... so financial collateral damage from his behaviors kept me down. There was no way to protect myself and my kid. And I just didn't have the financial means to get a separate place. We didn't even have the space in our house for me to create a man-cave, or me to have my own room. And eventually, the chemicals he was ingesting changed his brain. He was no longer the man I married. We no longer had shared values/joys/beliefs. It was no longer pleasant or sometimes safe to be around him. So I had to change. And when I began, I found out that I needed different things than when I was first married. It was not easy to accept this for me.
Today I life a different life. Probably not one I would've chosen when I was in my 20's, but it is the one I chose for this stage, as it was the best option. However, today I do not hate my Ex. I do have pity for him though, and 98% of the time compassion. I am still going to life my life by the "Golden Rule."
I am off to join a Zoom meeting, and then I am going to spend the day barefoot in my garden! It was a tense night... the Target near my brother's house was torched, and the unrest makes everyone edgy.
Stay safe, stay distanced, wear your mask when out, & treat everyone with kindness.
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__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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