The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 5/18, speaks about a time when the writer would avoid an argument rather than deal with an unpleasant situation. The results were not goodthey would become irritable and unreasonable as resentment grew. With program, the author has learned to deal with their problems and/or express their feelings. This not only releases pressure, but allows them to live life on life terms. The author has also learned that every problem can help them change for the better, deepen their faith, and increase self-esteem.
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This reading reminds me of Betty who often spoke to me about living life on lifes terms. I too, wanted to avoid conflict at all costs, most often at my own expense. And sometimes I also found myself trying to force solutions, which also was a rather poor choice. So now almost 7 years down this alanon path, I no longer choose to avoid difficulties nor try to force people to comply with my wishes. I practice thinking, pausing, evaluating how important is it, live and let live, and ODAT try to focus on a solution that is good for me. I have HP and a fellowship for help. Im not walking alone. Lyne
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily....BR (Before Recovery), I was so rigid in my life - all aspects to include and not be limited to thoughts, beliefs, values, etc. It really never crossed my mind that others might have completely different definitions of honesty, values, etc. I also never gave much thought to what is vastly important to me may differ from what is vastly important to another.
Practicing recovery with an open mind has allowed me to be more flexible in how I see and process life and others. Today, I value diversity and really practice 'seek to understand' instead of processing in black/white, right/wrong, etc. I am open to learning, growing and changing and do trust the God of my understanding in all my affairs.
Letting go of my rigid ways, esp. way of thinking was necessary for me to find peace and serenity. Embracing diversity instead of frowning upon it or even dismissing it has given me joy and grace. Today, I can better allow others to be who they are and need to be and know it's my choice if/how I allow it to affect me.
Happy Monday all - Day 7 of quarantine and all is well. I'm grateful to be healthy and willing to do my part to stop the spread. I am considering getting tested simply because I'm eligible to donate blood again next week and they don't test @ the blood banks. Not sure how this all works, but considering it. Love and light MIP family - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Lyne for your service and the Daily. Iamhere - I always appreciate your wise words!
BR (Before Recovery), I facilitated between avoiding the confrontation (denial), and letting resentments boil over and then over-reacting. I just couldn't accept that logic couldn't be applied to the situation! I mean, if my qualifier would just look at things logically... blah, blah, blah. I didn't realize that kind of thinking kept me stuck. I didn't know how much substances could alter the chemicals in your brain (beyond the normal public service info everyone gets). Alterations that can last a lifetime! But once I educated myself on this phenomena, I at least had some understanding, and I was able to accept that I would have to throw logic out the window! LOL! That helped me to stop trying to force outcomes that would never come... they couldn't. I began to understand that I needed to find a way to live Life on Life's terms.
I am still a work in progress when it comes to letting others' beliefs/thoughts/judgments about me, affect my serenity. It's the people-pleaser aspect of me. At least now I know it, and can work on it.
Happy Monday! I am not sure I am ready for the work-week - last week was a brutal one - but this past weekend I practiced some grounding, and otherwise gave myself some TLC (which included a news/coronavirus/politics info ban). I think I am recharged, and ready... I hope you are all as well!
Keep healthy, keep safe! &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Oh thank you for your service and what a lovely share. I thought of Betty to when I read this about living life on lifes terms
As to adversity, they old me would just ignore it and hope it went away which it didnt and I would build in resentments and I do not do that anymore and I really got tested with this roommate and her violation of the house safety rules and rules that I set for myself as well
Instead of just ignoring it and hoping it would go away, I now address it with her and not only verbally but now in writing as it has reached that point where talking with her is just not getting the proper results so I am putting it in writing everything that I instruct her on like wasting water. And numerous other in fractions. I dont just ignore it and hope it goes away I accept it for what it is and I address it in a kind yet decisive and firm way. She will be gone in a little over two weeks and so I keep telling myself that this all too shall pass and to keep my boundaries in place and to deal with things head-on, the kind yet firm. Yes Betty comes to mind, living life on lifes terms and facing the reality for what it is and not trying to force a situation or shut down and ignore and hope that it goes away. Thanks so much for this daily
I most certainly have my share of adversity.
I have had to loosen some of my bonds with one of ny support friends. He simoly does not hear how physically debilitated I am. My energy is at a very low level.
I have always viewed having to change relationships as an adversity. I believe now it is just a given. Few relationships manage to sustain us for ever.
I think it is extremely difficult to find ways to negotiate any form of a relationship with an alcoholic. Just being a roommate to one for a few months was incredibly difficult. I had my own difficulties at the time. I am not sure there is a way to negotiate through thoss difficulties. This is after having years of program and being able to detach successfully.
I have my own problems of course which on their own is a very full plate. Trying to navigate through the morass of problems that go along with dealing with an alcoholic is a really tall order.
There is most certainly the first level of negotiating with myself that there is an issue. Working out when to step in and when to work on detachment is not something that is a known quantity.
& 