Thanks skorpi for you service and to all sharers on this topic. Early in my program decision making was so difficult for me. I was in the midst of chaos and felt I couldn't take one more thing going wrong. I knew what to expect with the familiar insanity but what if I took a risk, made a decision and it compounded my problems. I lacked courage, faith in a loving higher power and trust in myself. I took baby steps then, put my toe in the water to test my ability to make a decision and sit with the uncomfortable feelings of awaiting outcomes. I thought for sure something would go wrong. Sometimes it did but often it didn't. 

I think the most important lesson I have learned is that any decision that is in front of me, someone else has made before me. I can do my homework a bit, research resources, contact others for help, weigh my options. If I'm contemplating a decision, I can find courage by having done this footwork. What I've learned aside from the fact that other before me have made similiar decisions is that there are always solutions to failed attempts. Any mistakes I make someone else has made because we are all human. No one is terminally uniques "perfect." Better to make mistakes and keep moving forward than limit my life, my experiences and possible growth. The growing pains of failure have actually brought a lot of rewards. I've learned to ask for help, allowed myself to be teachable by others who have helped me toward workable solutions and helped me to build trust and confidence in myself and others as well as my hp. From that place, I have been able to go forward making more and more decisions knowing that there are a lot of variables in that process and adjustments can always be made. This has taken the fear out of making choices.

There is a little tool I made up for myself and I like to use to separate out real fear as opposed to false evidence when I don't feel wholly confident about a decision that is in front of me. It's basically an inventory that weighs possibilities for outcomes. Logically, I know I can't ascertain any outcome. Only my higher power knows what the outcome will be. But based on what I know to this point, based on self knowledge gained from Alanon; I may list gains and losses from making a particular decision. I like to expand out on those with next actions if those should occur. If this happens, what can you do? It's been a good way for me to gauge where I am at with the "fear factor." If I root something out that has me feeling incredibly fearful, I know this something to explore further with my hp and others. Mainly, to gain more day to day serenity.

There is no need to push myself to take any particular action. Inaction can be the right decision until I feel I have more information and more comfort in going forward. This is an inside job program and a gentle program. I can continue to use lesson learned and have reasonably content life.  ((hugs)) TT