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Well my daughter dissed me again and THIS year, it was OK...It didn't matter to me, I , with love, detached from her finally .....
I had a wonderful day!!! sunny, bright, played with my pets, then went up to my elderly friend's house of the street who has adopted me as her little sister....I got her a chocolate cupcake to say happy mom's day and we spent the day in her room, laughing our butts off at just fun stuff...
I indulged in some walmart "decadent" lemon cookies that come in those dollar packages, I ate to packs, eight cookies.....had a great workout and blasted my tunes as roommate was visiting her mom so yea, it was a great day...........food run for the church and I chatted up the folks volunteering collecting the food and of course we all prayed together and promised hugs when all this crap with the virus is behind us....
I did a lot of gratitude to my higher power, who I just call God and thanked him for enabling me to give to others...it felt so good....just a real grateful and sunny and love filled day
Linda (my adopted big sister) and i talked about our children who dont' need or want us and we both agreed that we gave our love and did our best, but we aren't "rich enough" for them.....I asked her how she felt NOW about her son and she asked me about my daughter and ya know???? at first it hurt like I was pinioned to the rack, being stretched , pulling me apart, tears flowing, wondering what I did that was so wrong and "oh please God tell me so I can make amends" but aside from being over protective and Coda with her, the offenses that I did I faced her about them, made amends, promised her continued and forever recovery, etc., but she is 'graduated" from program, I am never going to graduate, and she makes high money on her job, I get by, I'm not rich enough for her and I can't send and spend the $$ on her that I once did........I thought about her today and I told Linda....We did our best wtih the tools that we had and that we raised them up, shared our mistakes with them so as to HOPEFULLY prevent them from screwing up as bad as we did, but once they are grown, they are on their own.......we did our best and I told her on MY end, I was "OK" with me.....I know in my heart I did my best and never did a day go by w/out my letting her know she was loved and wanted...THAT I know!!!!!
But now I go where the love is and I spend my energy and my love on the ones who love me back...who want me...who PUT me in their lives.....
I had a great day....did a hell of a workout on my cardio machine, 90 minutes worth and it felt great....
I told roommate for minimum 30-45 minutes I am going to be on my favorite machine in the parlor, playing my music , working out...I'll keep it down or use my blue tooth on my phone, but I am gonna be working out in the living room every day...She goes in there and sits for hours on the couch, wanting her quiet and peace, well, that is a common area to be SHARED and SHARED it will be...I want MY time in my own living room as well....MY workouts are going to be done, she can have the living room the rest of the time OR she can sit there on the couch and listen to my tunes with me, I don't care...
I took good care of me today by doing things that make me happy and in the meantime, I was able to put smiles on some other faces.....
Sounds like a productive, wonderful Sunday IMHO. It sucks not to get validation from your children/child. But many times, their behavior is theirs to own! They want to blame you, but really, it's them.
Good to hear your did your self-care!
Because we are still on lockdown, I ordered my mom's favorite dish from her favorite restaurant, and we sat and ate at my kitchen table. I made up everything really spring-like and pretty (even though she can barely see), made a fresh bouquet of flowers for the table she could take back to the front house with her, and basically sat and chatted for as long as she wanted!! That's all she really wants anyway! She tends to use me as a "complainer board" about my dad. It is very tough for me. Last year I had to finally tell her, "I know that doing so releases some pent-up frustrations for you, but it can be hard on me emotionally, so try to not do it, OK?" She told me that I am such a good listener that she didn't even think about that! LOL! Anyway, there was some of that yesterday, but I just told myself, "Patience, PNP," and I redirected our conversation to something else. When I walked her back to the front house, I immediately began walking barefoot in the yard, watering all the plants. I am finding, the more I ground myself, the better I am feeling! I am also finding out that the more I focus on the gratitude, the less sad/angry I am! So I was super grateful I could spend this time with my mom!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks (((Rose))) and (((Pnp))) Lots of great takeaways for me for making the most of every day. Special days on some levels can be nice and on others excruciating. At least for me, whether consciousness or unconscious expectations always seem to be there on holidays. Rose, you really filled your day with good stuff. Bf and I have issues like you mentioned with his kids. And pnp, I agree the blame is because there is something to be worked out in them. We've done our part. They are likely carrying alot of unresolved resentment from his drinking years making him the scapegoat for why they have problems of all sorts. He told me a long time ago about a statement in the bb of AA related to dignity. It's related to changed behavior, amends, emotional sobriety. It tells the alcoholic they needn't grovel to others. Due to their inability to move forward with him as a sober dad, he no longer sets himself up for spontaneous abuse and rejection at will - pay back. Last year he cancelled any future hosting in our home. He said he felt we were putting our quite a bit of money and his kids were treating us like they were doing us a favor when they did show up. He then left hosting up to them. You can guess how that's gone. We're still waiting for that to launch. But of course we aren't really waiting. It is what it is. To thine own self be true. I give him credit for not second guessing his recovery and standing up for himself politely. He just emailed them we would no longer host, it was only his decision and if they'd wanted to know why he would speak with each separately about it. Crickets. Lol
Pnp, my mom used me as a sounding board so I get where you're coming from. Sigh I like the day you put together for her, very creative during this time of restrictions. Also, digging in the dirt restores my sanity and serenity too Thanks for sharing. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
