The material presented
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level.
well, today was a good day till I found one of my beautiful collectible "love" mugs outside where roommate just left it out there for the dogs to maybe bump into and break
I am getting tired of trying to "train" this girl to treat my things with respect, so I told her she cannot use my mugs and cups again.....BUY her own
earlier, I took the blender away for 2 days because I found it dirty again and only brought it back when she appeared to have learned the lesson
I told her "do it again, and blender will disappear and I will use my hand mixer and you can buy your own"
I NEED the money, but i am getting tired of watching my stuff (beds collapsing under her 250# body, was not anticipated by either of us, but I am wondering what did she sleep on prior???) but that I can "get past" but burning skillets, leaving stuff dirty, leaving my beautiful "love" mugs and cups outside....
I am gonna 100% detach and PRAY like the dickens to my Higher Power as to what do I do???
I was her 'taxi" for 1 month while her car is in shop and not ONCE did she contribute for the gas money...yea, she did cook me a dinner, but still...not even an offer....
is it me??? am I just NOT suitable for living with roommates????
LORD if I didnt' need the money, I would be giving her her notice.....
tonight I wanted to show her a way to keep the dogs from trying to jump out the front door when we exit thru front door, something that will for sure keep them back and not able to enter foyer and she is outside, I ASKED her , "do you have a minute, I want to show you something knew I came up with regarding blocking the dogs" she does this big "sigh" like I am imposing on her and hardly even paid attention to my "demo" and she walks back outside....I texted her and told her never mind, I'll leave my dogs in my room, so SHE does not carelessly let them outside to be lost or killed by drivers speeding in the neighborhood.....
she tried to apologize tonight for her "again" attitude, and I just looked at her and said "I dont wan't to discuss anything with you" and I turned my back on her and finished washing my dishes...
I am NOT her mother...NOT her trainer....AND, our dear pastor Leslie got her a small AC unit for her room and I am thinking , I have to decide quickly whether or not I want to fight this anymore, or just text him and say I am worn out by her disregard for my things and can he return the unit and get his money back
I DONT want to do anything rash...but I DONT want her using my stuff....If i didn't know any better, either she has a sieve for a brain or she , deep down, resents me for having what little I have....I hate to THINK that, but it seems she has no regard for my things....she plunks herself down on my couch and the slip cover pulls up and she doesn't bother to straighten it up, I have to TELL her to tidy up the couch....
I wish I did not need her money....I am scared!!! Covid....no work....was struggling, hardly making it until i began getting unemployment due to 3/4 of my work going south due to Covid, stimuls check has not come yet, so not counting on it, but here is the thing: I cannot work at the level I did 10 years ago...I am tired...I can't support myself like i used to so this roommate thing.....and after a month, it is still "training" a 48 year old woman HOW to respect another's belongings.....
I am going to pray about this.....see how I feel in a few days.....while Covid is going on, I can make it w/out her thanks to UI benefits, but that is TEMPORARY....CAN I work enough to take care of me by myself??? I'll be 74 and she isn't much help around the house, I have to "mention" stuff to her then its done partially , then forgotten....I mean I work more around here....not less....Also I do the FULL yard., i get no help on that....I wish I had time to read MY bible and listen to MY music like she does......
IF this one job I have works out and IF my other client , when Covid is over, can give me regular 2x per month work, I MIGHT be able to pull this off by myself....so I guess I need to just SEE what goes on......
I am trying SO hard but I am running out of petrol regarding this....I love Pastor Leslie and he SO wants this to work because she IS an OK person, but omg...he doesn't live with her either....He asked me to be patient with her, but I'm running out of patience....
I need to hunker down, work my options., SEE what is the next RIGHT thing to do by me and go form there......
my dear elderly friend up the street wants to move in so bad , but I cannot take care of her and have my church and gym life either....It would be FUN to have her, but she needs assisted care.....soooo sad because I know we would have fun.....I just don't want to take care of someone....Did that all my life, growing up, I want my independence and my life....to come and go as I want.....I wish Linda was able to get around better and wasn't in such bad health, but it is what it is....no sense even thinking about it.....
Gonna pray and wait and see how I feel about this other thing.....Give me "E" for effort, anyway......
Being older AND poor, SUCKS!!!! I'm in this not so desirable situation because of it, but I need to really really really weigh the pros and cons and my serenity barometer and make a decision.....not now, but soon, I guess.
I just got done reading Fedora's lovely post and AMEN!!! I'm not going to let this albatross ruin my serenity....just going to distance...not allow her to use my stuff but the stove, microwave, stuff I HAVE to share until I can pray to HP for other options...Maybe a super duper not so stressful job will come up after the virus.....really, my work tanked due to virus, but unemployment has saved the day, but I know I have to come back to reality and work will re-instate and UI will be over with because I'm not going to drain it if I am working....they are giving me good benefits.....so yea, NOW things are , financially, OK, but what about my serenity at home??? I'm just gonna put distance, she is a RENTER, nothing else...I give her a decent, safe room/restroom to rent, appliances to share which I supervise really carefully as she has ZERO understanding about respecting other people's stuff, but again.....DETACH DETACH DETACH......give to HP....TRUST HP that something better will come along, OR, miraculously she will behave like a 48 year old woman should????? NOT gonna let HER take my serenity.....
I know noone can help me with this....I have to go somewhere to "cry".....her issues are too ingrained for me to fix and its NOT MY JOB to fix anyone...not my capability.....I just know that she is creating drama AND its ALWAYS before i have to go to work...so AGAIN, today, I go to work exhausted from another evening of drama...
i know this is my problem....my fear is can I make it alone???? well??? if she drives me nuts, it won't matter.......HP HAS to have a happy way of me supporting myself.......her stuff is just too ingrained, raised by an obviously Coda mom and I GIVE UP!!!! I am going to tell her tho I wish her well, this just is not working....its not healthy for me....so which stress is the least bad????? her or uncertainty of work???? either way i go its gonna be bad/sad for me......ohhh the curse of financial lack.....
Alanon isn't about advice giving but one tool I've found useful in our program is asking myself what I would advice I would give to a friend who was in the same situation. I've found that I can be a lot of more courageous when it's someone else instead of me but that's typically a good guide to what actions are best to apply to myself.
Although not a program slogan, one nice thing that I've heard is that each day I can make a decision as to whether I want to be led by fear or by my higher power. Some days it's necessary for me to keep circling back to that to find strength and answers to take the next right action. Wishing you the best as you make decisions in this situation. ((hugs)) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 5th of May 2020 10:13:46 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 5th of May 2020 10:14:03 AM
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hi Rose, I am sorry you are going through this. I can feel how stressful it is with this particular tenant/housemate.
Sometimes when I have thought there are only two choices, I have found there are actually more options that I hadn't thought of. I wonder if there is another tenant/housemate out there for you, that would be a good fit? Is it possible to close the door on one, thus opening the door for another? With this experience, do you now have more knowledge of how to select a good tenant? Or maybe there is a way to have an agreed-upon trial period with any new tenant, to see if the arrangement is working for both? Just some ideas, as I don't have direct experience with renting to someone.
((((((((((((TT))))))))))))))))) and (((((((((((((((Freetime))))))))))))))))))))))) Ohhh Thank you so much, I love what you said, TT about acting out of fear and not trust in HP
and Freetime, there HAS to be more options....and my lesson is reeeely interview IF I ever do this again....She comes from my church...Only my pastor knew I was roommate hunting as I wanted a similiar faith as me and also someone with clean background and she worked at day care at church so CLEAN background...Just major issues that is incompatible with me......and YES....trial period, right now I told her that significant change HAD to happen and happen NOW or we go through with the 30 day notice that I gave her...I can just change the date so she gets her fair 30 days...One thing pastor said, probably by accident is that he hopes she can find steady and consistent place to stay, so her issues are not only a stressor for me, but apparently she has burned out some other folks....Shes not a thief or a bad person, just , I think her mom was Coda and just let her get by with what she wanted and the patterns are so ingrained............I don't think I want to do this again......Put my dogs thru another adjustment period where they are in my room while the "learn" to accept the new person, I want them to have full run of the house, which NOW they mostly do, but to do that again to them???? nope....I'll just lay this on HP and find another way to support me......I have been acting out of fear instead of trust in HP.....this was a lesson...I learned a lot about me....and I am surprised at all the good I found, LOL, and yea, I hate my "stuff" being touched...I don't like stuff not cleaned and put away when its used.....and then when I confront her she justifies/rationalizes every thing.....JUST like me b4 program.... so yea, i see where I have grown and I see where I need work....so really it was a blessing, but I don't think she is going to "pass probation" which is what she is sorta on......someone really sharp here said that "anyone can behave for an hour" I told her SUSTAINED and SIGNIFICENT change would be the only thing that would save her from having to move.......and even then, I am not sure I want this to be long term.......HP knows best
Well I beieve one of the reasons that I didntt save for retirement was I did not expect to reach it. I really didnt
I wirk too long hours. I have a little money right now which us good because moving is very exoensive
I had myself convinced this week that I could not survive in old age. What I know is we only have today
I have no idea if I will make it to #older# i went and got a prescriotion today for the medication I let lapse. Being in #limbo# for 4 months took a real toll on me.
I lived with a roommmate in the past 4 months. I did not like it. I did not have a choice about it. If I went somewhere else it would have been diffcult. I had to stick it out in that situation until I could do better. Now I am transitioning out of that situation (i still have stuff there) I still have to deal with it. After that I wilk not have to
When it comes to survival there are different rules. My current boss is very demanding. I go out of ny way not to have to interact with him. I do not help out at this time when the schedule is way off
I did for awhile
If I did not have so much on my plate I would not stay in my current job. However I do. So I stay for the time being
I am exhausted from moving, being sick, overworking and dealing with an alcoholic roommmate. However I have to think before I act. I have to make a #smooth passage# out of this mess.
