Maresie888 wrote:

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As you all know I have displaced from my apartment for months. I went to stay with a friend who I know has real.substance abuse issues. It seemed win win Then the Covid Virus hit. Basically ge has been at home working from home for months. His job is now in a precarious position because after all at some point you have to go in. Meantime I lost my jobs and went and got another one. I kept saving Then the Corona virus halted my return to the building. Yesterday he lashed out at me verbally Realy he just wants me to have access to as little as possible in the house. So I.am caught between a rock and a hard place. None of this is forever Yet once again a selfish self absorbed alcoholic inflicts pain in my life I will not be here for ever but it is painful none the less I told him to stop yelling at me and he got even more verbally abusive That is his bv signature. Especially when he is under stress I have to make other choices for myself. I can do better than this This hurts a whole 6 months of this rennovation hold up.then a massive kufe changing crisis I have a program these days but I still get mad. The time up button will be coming up.soon Then you won't see me for dust Alcoholics are incredibly selfish Maresie

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In my experience, and recovery, one of the major components of the program that many people neglect, gloss over, etc. -- is looking at their part, their role, their contribution. And, for me, that's the first step in looking at myself. For me, it's accountability. Sometimes to do that, openly and honestly, one may also need objectivity...and I needed that!!! LOL. 

So...another thing I learned in the program and as part of my recovery...Plan B...in my experience, there are always options. Sometimes, we just don't want to look at them. Sometimes we are in denial. Sometimes, who knows, LOL. When you are "in it" sometimes it's hard to see things in a healthy, objective, and sound way. You seem to know so much about this person...who he is, how he gets, why he gets, which may or may not be accurate, but really doesn't matter...he's an addict, not healthy, etc. So, you moved in to stay with him? Now you are "in it" and you are experiencing the consequences of your own decision and actions. I am not sure where this could be win-win, but so be it. I know I used to "jump into the fire" and would do so for a variety of reasons. Doesn't matter why. What mattered to me was that I did it and it was not healthy for me! 

He is behaving the way he's supposed to. He's not doing this to you...he's just doing what he's doing. Dogs bark, infants cry, and alcoholics do what they do. Even if we understand that...and accept that...that is not enough. That doesn't "solve the problem" or "allow us to be healthy". I found myself in similar situations, many times. Before recovery, it was relationships, personal, business, didn't matter. Mostly personal relationships, and mostly the core problem was -- the other person wasn't healthy, neither was I, and how I handled it!!! I can't control or change the first thing...but I can control and change the second and third!!! And I did!!! And so can you! 

When presented with this...I applied my program! I worked my program in and around this one specific issue...and guess what? It worked! LOL. Like it always has, like it always does! Talk to your sponsor, spike up your meetings, and lean into your program! It works if you work it...so work it...you're worth it!