The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 4/13, suggests that if one doesn?t know exactly how to respond to a situation, why not try responding with kindness? Respect and courtesy can always be offered even during a disagreement. You can honor your own decisions without being defensive, and stick to your own principles.
Reminder: Today I will try to view every conflict as an opportunity to heal. I will honor myself by responding with courtesy.
The Talmud: The highest form of wisdom is kindness.
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This reading is a lesson for me, especially as I saw myself this morning just feeling so out of sorts. I was snappy and grouchy towards my A who honestly, was being perfectly fine. I was lucky enough to realize what I was doing, and with a change of attitude, let go and let God. It?s unfair to think that I can be in a good mood all the time, especially with the virus situation, but my toolbox helped me focus on myself and see that a change was much need
I know in my most challenging encounters with situations "I could not change", I always recovered my equanimity quicker if I had honored my personal code. I did not have to diminish anyone else. This aligns for me with your experience this morning.
kindness repeatedly helps me so much. I do better when I respect myself and the people in my life, regardless of their behavior. Their decisions are not my job!
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I try really hard to treat others as I want to be treated and when I am not certain how to respond, there's no doubt I can offer kindness and prayer. Speaking only for myself, when I am in a rut, it doesn't help if others contribute to my inventory-taking so I am extra aware to not 'help' with another's inventory...
I always felt gently nudged by HP with Betty's signature using that Talmud quote/saying. It's so, so true. Wisdom comes to those of us willing to allow all their own journey. As soon as I forget what my priority is (my life), not only is my serenity at risk but so is my center position for my heart.
Happy Monday to all - we've had a return to winter temperatures for a few days! We had a hard freeze overnight and will have it again the next 2 nights. I'm bummed for our flowers/tree buds but hopeful they can weather the change. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Lyne. Such a great reminder especially at this time. I guess for myself I'd like to keep in front of me with regards to offering kindness to others is that we are all experiencing fear right now. We had a major blow up yesterday morning of all days. So even with two people in recovery, at this time we can take advantage of the closeness of the relationship to one another by exhibiting unacceptable behaviors and saying unkind words we likely would not to coworkers or neighbors. Fortunately, we were able to turn the day around quickly by taking ownership and reading our dailies out loud with one another. I had a somewhat proud moment when he apologized and called himself out about a particular unacceptable behavior to tell him of the opposite loving behavior in him using examples and said I really missed that. It helped to diffuse things. He didn't feel attacked and defensive and with calmness there was a chance of turning the day around and enjoying one another. I expressed willingness to be a better partner too. I have to remember to respond with kindness than a verbal counter punch. It means letting go of pride and finding courage to be vulnerable but an unexpected kind response in the midst of arguing brought about a positive result. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you Lyne for your service
Well I fell short BIG time today on the kindness thing....I was "OK" until the very end....
I am in walmart and I am staying 6' behind and away from everyone I can,
and this lady bangs into me, shes older, not some kid
bangs into me
and I tell her "Mam, please stand back 6' from me"
she replies
"Well I am wearing a mask so I don't care"
I reply "well I'm NOT wearing a mask and I DO care---Please read the rules they are all over the place"
she was with her sig other/husband and HES trying to get her to comply
she snaps at me and says "I don't like being chastised" and says it real loud
I say "Well, if you don't want to be chastised, then follow the rules like the rest of us"
I am trying to just focus on MY task of social distancing and I detach from her
and she tosses at me "WELL___MRS GOODY GOODY" and LOUDLY
I threw my program out the window and , yes, I confess, told her to
"mam, please shut up and act your age"
the cashier laughed and gave me a thumbs up , so did lady in front of me who witnessed the entire thing
I NEVER bother anyone, I keep my distance, I do my best to be courteous and kind, but today????
I BLEW IT!!!!!
I guess I am going to cut back on WM and go to ALDI where they have people watching over the social distancing thing and they don't tolerate rude people like that...AND they got what I want, most of the time and for LESS....
Rose - I did get a chuckle simply because I had a similar experience in WM....some people, most people are very aware and attentive to the social distancing and spacing requests. Yet, there always seems to be one! My experience was different in that it was an older gentleman and he just kept edging up on me. I opted to let him go in front of me so that I could set our distance and let it go! But - he was not obnoxious or anything - just unaware!
I will say that finally, in my city, things have normalized to where I started an online order with WM grocery service last Thursday. First available PU was for yesterday - 5 days out, which was fine. I filled my cart, and checked out and what was so cool....I was able to add/remove anything up through yesterday @ 12:45 (my PU time was 1pm). I got a text @ 12:55 telling me my order was ready and off I went. No contact, no shoes, just pulled up and the loaded the car.
They ask if they can substitute which I agreed to. I was lucky in that I had ordered bread, ice cream and something else and they were OOS at fulfillment time so they substituted 3 items, all of which were upgrades - 18 taco shells instead of 12, Breyer's Ice Cream instead of what I picked, etc. I highly recommend it - I felt so fortunate to have gotten all that I needed without having to go inside!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
