The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some days are good and others, not so much. Today is difficult. I just want to be alone. I will try to work out social distancing within the house! Im entitled to be in a bad mood, but with program I know I have the choice to change this. And I will. I think I just need a brief pity party. She is a dry drunk so that doesnt help matters. But then I have chosen to stay in this marriage, so that part is on me. Im trying to breathe. And I appreciate MIP so I can have this opportunity to express myself. Lyne
Hope the day gets better for you. It's really hard to be holed up in the house with others 24/7. It's just too much closeness, not enough breathing space for me too. I made a short list of things I can do today to distract myself from fixating on what is going on currently or what my bf is doing or not doing as well as other family who don't live with me. I get up early because I need alone time or listen to music through headphones not only for enjoyment but sometimes to separate myself and keep my serenity. I just attended the morning meeting here at MIP and sharing helped me. Keep sharing. I know I just need to take a breath and refocus concerning what I have the power to change, primarily my response to this situation and other people's behavior. Just for today... I will give myself an attitude adjustment ((hugs)) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 7th of April 2020 10:30:37 AM
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Lyne, I am so sorry you are going through this, and compounded with all that is going on in the world around us. There's just so much in your post...one thing that resonates with me is...JUST FOR TODAY...and THIS TOO SHALL PASS... That said, explore your options...a different room, the car in the driveway, taking a walk, whatever it is, look for your options.
In addition, in my experience, if you are in a bad mood, yes, you can start your day all over again at any point in time you choose...but then again, we have three things...ACCEPTANCE, SURRENDER, AND LETTING GO. You can be in a bad mood. You are allowed You are entitled. But, it doesn't have to consume you. It doesn't have to eat you alive and it doesn't have to be who you are. Don't force it. Don't run from it. There are different tools. At a specific time, starting your day all over again is the right choice. Not that there is a right or wrong. At another specific time, acceptance, surrender and let go is the right thing to do. You can use one tool or all tools.
Just for today...you are where you are...get through this and then move on to the next thing in front of you. If there's a bigger issue to address...you'll address it when you are ready...but for right now this -- a bad mood, wanting to be alone -- is what's in front of you...All the best.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
I am enjoying creative projects. Yesterday I was painting, today I am making greeting cards. I like the feeling of "giving birth" to something new. Also helps me keep focus... away from the things that steal my serenity.
Keep in mind, my friend, some days are just a bucket of sh*t. It's okay. If bright sunny days were all we knew, we'd never appreciate them. We need gray days too.
I hope you give yourself what you need. Helps to keep low expectations too.
(((Lyne))) - I am sorry that it's been hard! I hear you and you are not alone...Of course, you have every right to anything you feel, and yes - we are allowed to be grumpy, have bad moments, etc. I love that you realize as you share that you get to decide when to make a change - nice work!
I've been under more stress than desired, and compounded with the stay @ home order, I have snapped a few times @ my AH. He's really not doing anything different, I am the one that's changed. At least he's known me long enough to realize he needs to step back - I'm handling more than desired, and doing my best - but I am imperfect, will make mistakes and that's one of many benefits of being just human.
What came to mind, because it does often apply to me is H.A.L.T. - Hungry....you know the drill. 99% of the time, for me, it's all about T - Tired. I do not sleep well, never have, and when I have added stress, it can cause me to raise up and snap. Just keep doing you - you work a great program and I am sure you are still if grief over Betty's passing. That's OK too - it's all OK!
I have to remind myself to be gentle. I can pull every tool out of my bag and still be unsettled at times. That's life. Our program gives us a blueprint for life, no where does it say it will be a perpetual smooth pathway. Love and light to you - hoping that just by sharing, things became clearer and your day turned around! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Everyone, thanks so much for you ESH and encouragement. I actually had to lead my zoom meeting last night, and it enabled me to focus on something really worthwhile, and listening to all the all the shares always helps me.
In the midst of all this, I am still grieving the loss of Betty. The silver lining here though, is how much she loved NYC, and she is spared the agony of seeing whats going on.
I used to use the "earbud method" of distancing as well. I would choose whatever mood of music i was interested in that day, and I could be in another world!
Glad to hear that you found some peace by leading your meeting!
It may seem odd (I mean to say anyone's passing is a blessing), but yes, you are right... Betty's passing before her city was torn with Covid-19 may have been her HP's way of taking care of her soul. At least I would like to think of it in that way.
Wishing you peace today, Lyne!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Wishing peace for you today, Lyne!
My own modification of P&P's earbud distancing is a headset distancing while sitting at my computer. Looks like I'm in a work meeting, a good signal that I need to be not talked to right now. And gardening. Going outside and digging in the dirt is an opportunity I have because I'm lucky enough to have a house with a yard. The yard needs a lot of work. AW doesn't like to dig in the dirt, so I can pretty much guarantee solitude while I'm out there. I'm sure the gardens will be looking especially good this year!
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
A dry drunk is someone who has stopped drinking but has not had alcohol treatment/recovery. The alcoholic is not actively drinking, but the character traits related to addiction are all still present.
((hugs)) TT
And gardening. Going outside and digging in the dirt is an opportunity I have because I'm lucky enough to have a house with a yard. The yard needs a lot of work. AW doesn't like to dig in the dirt, so I can pretty much guarantee solitude while I'm out there. I'm sure the gardens will be looking especially good this year!