The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The days are slowly getting shorter... ...hi y'all...
But had have had warm afternoons- which is a great consolation.
I was hoping to take a rough corner off of my recovery over the next 6 or 8 weeks.
I have extreme resistance to doing this. My steps 10 and 11 tell me why... but getting leverage, and changing the situation I find troubling and difficult.
I know the signs, that I have reached a good step 12. Of course there has to be a match between my insides, looking out, and my outside. This seems to take forever- which I keep saying is a symptom of success, albeit a slow one.
In my younger years i used to love hunting through old sheds and buildings- finding treasure. Now I have my own den, shed and building. I have many special and beautiful books. To me- they are treasures.
As was researching the book i am supposed to be writing I discovered a number of sources that were special and made my research so fulfilling. But I am still struggling to put everything together.
-I have the whole book written in my head- and I have all the facts and information. I am just lacking the X factor.
S h a m e is such a darned hard thing to dissolve away. I understand that a sense of guilt is essential- and it helps us make the right decisions. Old stuff does arise, as my memory improves day by day. And I can have emotion about both good things and bad things.
This morning I teamed up with another NZ member, and we ran a little Anon based ACOA meeting together. On an online group. I found this really satisfying- strengthening.
David, during times like this, even other time, many times actually, an alanon principle that always resonates with me is "KEEP IT SIMPLE"
It works for me. It works if you work it -- and in my experience that's not just the program, it's everything. A slogan. It has words, meaning, methodology, mindset, behind it. It's not just a term...it's a term that means something. A step. Step One, has meaning, a lot of meaning, in, around, and behind the 13 words in the step. It is far more than literal, subjective, objective, etc.
That said...Keep it simple.
I've been attending innumerable alanon zoom meetings -- NYC, Northern NJ, Seattle, even "Down Under"
I find these meetings absolutely incredible. I get to hear, see, feel, learn, etc., the wisdom and insight, perspective, mindset, everything from healthy people, people doing it, from all over the world. The language is universale, the words are different. These people are alanon people, they are meeting within the confines and context of alanon, and it's nothing short of amazing.
All the best.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
was feeling so angry- at what is going on around the world. Pitching my anger- in one direction, or another...
Felt like swearing and cussing here- and self-sabotaging. There is a fewer notice for our old timer in the paper this morning. The family plan to hold a memorial service when the lock-down is over. Great rural people! ...
I write a card to the family and posted it just before. I contacted and spoke to a good friend Illinois too- and got some really good feedback... ...but still angry... then I logged in here- and read a post from a more recent member- which expressed gratitude to the whole group.
That was the clincher, really...
...when I was young I was a real goody-two-shoes and never really learned to sound off... in a reasonable, respectable way.
I do need to deal with things, as they arise. Overwhelmed at the moment at the big stuff!
Thanks for the chance to share- and the chance to vent. ... ... ...
Betty was a smart cookie- she said something to me, and about me, to me- and she hit the nail on the head.
I always felt that there was way out of this nightmare. Recently, doing a Step 11 I thought this- if we aim for the winning post that's where the winners will be. We don't all have to be first! We just have to finish. ...
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