Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hope for Today Mar 29

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Mary for your service. Let go and Let God seemed impossible when I first came to program. I was just learning that I could focus on myself and make decisions as an independent/non-codependent person. And then all that hullabaloo about turning it over, letting God, and the real kicker, Step 3: turn my will and my life over to the care of God. I thought, make up your mind! Who is supposed to be in charge of me, me or HP???

But of course, as time went on, it all became crystal clear. I made a mess of things, and I truly needed helplots of help, and today I gladly turn it over and ask for help every single day. I need someone in the drivers seat who can get me where I need to go. And I now view alanon, MIP, my F2F, and yes, God, as my HPs and my door is open for everything all of them can offer. And its working. Im in a much better place. The virus has put a damper on things, but I continue to look for blessings, like not being sick, and practice gratitude, like for my two beautiful dogs. The glasses I wear to see the world work much better through the eyes of program, Lyne

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Mary for your service!
It is so needed at this time, and I appreciate you taking the time!

Lyne - Like you, I didn't "do this" great at first. But I get better with time... progress not perfection, right?

I can really identify with the being humble part of the share. I lived most of my adult life "steering the boat." I was the captain. I humbly admit that my ego went along with that. In all fairness to me, I was "usually correct," but as that became the norm, I would stop listening to my inner voice that would tell me to try another's suggestion. Oh, I would listen. And I might even agree. But somehow I would maneuver things to go my way. The way I WANTED. That is definitely NOT humble! LOL! Someone very wise on this board once said, "Would you rather be right, or happy?" I think that was the turning point for me in many ways!

I am grateful today to have done the work to see my faults, to work on them, to leave my heart and mind open to other possibilities! I feel more at peace b/c I have worked on letting go of my resentments.

Thank you all for your shares, input, ESH. I find I learn each day from them (you), even if I don't post a response. Now, more than ever, I value the members of this community!

Stay healthy and safe, MIP Friends!
&

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

smile Thanks, Mary, Lyne and P.

Being humble. what helped me- was humble, humility, but not humiliation. And that brings me into the cycle of blame and shame. And it takes patience.

The "G" word has never bothered or troubled me. It does bother me, for some reason, on behalf of non-believers in Alanon. I like to have Alanon accessible to members and newcomers- and try hard to keep it simple.

Thirdly- today I say you can take the kid out of the family- but it is hard to take the family out of the kid. Or take the hopes and dreams of family destroyed, out of the family member.

Today, I am relaxed, and find this easy to do.

I slept well again, last night. Feeling at peace with my SO is a great boost and a bonus, since we are most reliant on each other. I can apply the serenity prayer to a world pandemic. And see a place for me in the world; and see that is perspective.

But I do need to stay involved and engaged, in Alanon... aww thanks.

Luv2Roam · Newbie

My husband needs rehab. He won't go. Hes not eating or drinking. I've already taken him to er once. Please tell me how to control my anger.

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

L2R... you made a start right here- you have put your hand up and said "help!"

A channel into our emotions- a start, at the very least. I always found that anger and fear were two sides of the same coin.

I mean- currently the future for many looks fearful! I don't think we can control anger- but try to. But I think we can manage it, over time.

Hang in there! We have all been through this- and do know the way- when we share with others.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I too did not understand or get how in the world one just 'let's go and let's God' in the beginning. That is simply because I thought and believed that part of my human experience and adulting experience included controlling 'others' - not in a mean way, just trying to conform them to my needs/wants.

It took me a while practicing this program to figure out what works best for me. Today, I can be a separate person in a relationship of family and be authentic and it's all good. So long as I am doing the next right thing, am not focused on others, and trusting this program and the God of my understanding, I am not affected directly by the words/actions/deeds/thoughts of others. I truly am free to be me no matter what anyone else is doing.

I do know that I could not trust in any power greater than me until I was willing to accept I was and can be part of the 'problem'. Today, I prefer and focus on being part of the solution. I will always choose to be happy over being right and I have tons of tools to help me live serenely and love unconditionally.

This stay @ home order is a real test of recovery for me/us. As this is my first pandemic, what I'm learning is it's easier to be @ peace with what is and is not allowed by just taking it one day at a time and trusting in that power greater than I.

Love and light all - happy Sunday!

Livy Div · Newbie

Hi @Luv2, way to reach out, stumbling upon Alanon was the first step in a series of changes in my life that have made things like anger more managable.. I felt like in the midst of the chaos of drinking I had become something unrecognizable to myself and anger was one of the emotions that I had no control over. The changes were gradual and the only thing I could do from the program at first in the heat of a moment was, to be honest pray to my higher power for help, just help. Theres more to this program than it ever seemed to me at first. And in these challenging times, indoors with active alcoholism I put these podcasts on in earphones and they save me from the battleground the house can feel like. Youre not alone, sending prayers, love and hope to you.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-show-finding-serenity-through-12-step-recovery/id591460709?i=1000408027203

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome, Luv2!

I am sorry to hear of what brings you here, but you can find healing here.

I will admit to you that it may seem fruitless at first. Some things seem so unbelievably simple... some may even say trite - I laughed at many of the slogans at first. But I kept coming b/c I loved hearing the hope in the online voices of the veterans on this forum. I took their suggestion of reading all the "stickies." I found stories similar to mine and I read their threads... sometimes multiple times! I began to feel stronger. I began to understand what to do with my feelings... yes, even anger. I found Face 2 Face meetings and attended. I will also admit that it all didn't come fast or easily. This is my second time "in the rooms."

The biggest takeaway for me was this: I had to ACCEPT the Three C's - You did not CAUSE it (the disease) You cannot CONTROL it (the disease/others), and you cannot CURE it!
Try writing the Three C's on a piece of paper you can put in your pocket or tuck in your bra... then go for a walk (if you can) or otherwise get physically away from the situation for a time so that you can concentrate on the words on the paper. Take three (or more) diaphragmatic breaths - that is breaths that begin from your abdomen and make your belly distend, with the last intake the actual lungs. Then exhale slowly to the count of 6-8 (whichever is more comfortable). This has been scientifically proven to ease anxiety.

You have taken your first step on your journey. Welcome.

&

JerryF · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha all and mahalo for your cares and shares. You trigger my memories of what it was like when I first got here not knowing what it all was like and what was expected while my alcoholic/addict was still "practicing her side of the disease and I was hell bent on mine not knowing anything about alcoholism, how to say it, spell it and not even knowing that I wasn't knowing". The program wasn't hard for me; I was hard on it and didn't want to be around the fellowship so I did what my self centeredness directed me to do...left often and then dropped back in and repeated again until I got what was dictated would happen back then...it got worse.

I struggled for a long while with my angry personality and literature and language I didn't understand and which I felt was so very trite. "These people are sooooo sick why do I keep listening to their KEEP COMING BACK and just get myself away"?

Then one night after a meeting HP took it away from me at home alone where I ran out of negative energy which left me in peace and silence and I knew I had been touched by something outside of myself who was there with me. Yes it was a Higher Power that I felt the fellowship wasn't calling what it really was to be called and I decided to just accept it for what it was and the listen with and open mind and learn. Practice came later after more hand to hand combat and with it came change in my thoughts, feelings, behaviors and spirit. I was tired of being told to leave meetings because of my anger and then "keep coming back" as I reached the door.

The diseased owned me as I was born and raised in it and kept coming back to it. Letting go was full time work as I found/find out and letting God was a pleasure as my Higher Power is always with me and speaks out loud in clear understanding. When this is working it is because HP and I are working it and I am blessed such as now coming back to the board and being lessoned anew.

Again Mahalo and please continue to follow those other instructions we now have daily. (((((hugs))))) aww wink smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene