Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: Got my shopping done...

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2085
Got my shopping done...


  smile I get to live more in the present, these days...'s Monday morning and now i have fresh veggies in the bottom of the fridge.

Was at a rowing regatta over the weekend- and two grand-kids did well. One got a bronze medal!

It is unlikely there will be a national regatta this year- because our government is likely to ban all crowd activities. This is not political at all- it is medical- and may save a lot of lives.

I am thinking of going to a f2f meeting this evening.

I am thinking long and hard- about a line in our preamble. "We get tired and irritable, and try to force solutions."

This is not a direct quote- and since I got the Alanon box last week- I have checked it from the workbook.

Step 12 and Tradition 5? That was my goal for this year.

I would like to teach really! Pure and simple.

Service- more for younger up and coming members.

Pedagogy is all about teaching and learning methods... and having been a community working I am fully aware of the principles of adult learning.

My general aim- it to lead by example. In my original family home- a different era- the motto seemed to be- "don't do as i do- do as i say!".

I have lots more stuff to share about- but can leave items for next meeting- another time. I was not always like this...

...but what I do want to say- is about ODAT, and C2C,

ODAT was the only reader when I started Alanon. The first edition of C2C fell apart fairly quickly. I am pretty sure that the printers did not realise- that these readers were thumbed through and read many times by some people! The subsequent editions were much more robust.

But times were a-changing! Coming from that perspective I could see that the tenor of the message had changed from book to book. To reflect changing times.

And I suspect that is another reader was produced we would see a similar range of changes.

Not that the policy and practise of Alanon has changed! Not at all.

my mum had a reader- a blue reader- that sat on the shelf like her other books. Those books might have been browsed briefly, when the shelf was dusted- but that is about all.

But i watched, and saw at first hand my mum struggle, and survive... as she pulled herself out of the mire. I saw her as a parent might oversee the struggle of a teenager.

The teenager i never really became, myself.

But long story, cut short I observed the freedom that girls and women achieved, over that period. With still a long way to go. But a really good beginning! smile 

In my years i saw women move into AA, and men move into Alanon... great moves...

So- if teaching is something i plan to do- I must still enjoy the programme, and must practise it still- on a day to day basis. To find a way of sharing- which is relaxing, and is also a way of learning.

Older adults, really, get to learn by doing. Rote learning went out the door about the same time we had to pick up a pair of spectacles. aww ...

The group that meets down the other end of the gorge is heavy on the traditions, 12 concepts and even the 4 warranties... away over the head of incoming members, in my view!

But like the steps and traditions, it is essential to be aware of how these guidelines meld together, and how they actually work- in practise.

Like how groups just retain a prudent level of funding, for example.

My interest is to see if Alanon can push forward- into generation X,Y and M... and can continue to pick up members. To maintain a continued assault on the consequences of the disease!

I see this here, every day. I am impressed, I am energised! aww ...

Thanks. smile ...


Participation is the key to harmony.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2085
One thing at a time!


    I am not a whizz-kid in the garage- not at all. Currently i am learning about painting.

But I do love tinkering with words...

...Ah used to suffer from the paralysis of analysis- and words were a key part of this. So it was Let go and let GO [D].

This took years to achieve... little by little... aww ...

I had this deep horrible feeling in the pit of my gut. So I felt that is was time to remove it. I have two projects lined up- over on the coast at the end of this week. And the old concrete mixer is turning 19 to the dozen-just over the thought of leaving home.

The first project is actually a BBQ- to celebrate the completion of a job I was involved in. To turn an old dilapidated seaside shack- into the studio for budding writers. My friend, who is the leader of this task is a member of AA. We have been form friends since 1975. Through our rapport- he is slicing away the tasks and obligations he thinks he has!

The second project is my own. I thought the pit in the gut was actually about leaving home- and being on my own. [Splice the serenity prayer in here!]

 Plan to stay at my cousin's farmlet- while I am in that neck of the woods. Open armed welcome.

So, nah- the ache and worry is altogether something else.

I think is because I am trying to attempt far too much at once. I need to prepare three ways for painting- sometime next summer- about 8 months away. But there are umpteen dozen other tasks to do as well.

A year ago I studied Occam's Razor- a study that appealed to my overthinking mind.

With the active AF. things were never done o  time. Oldest child's sense of responsibility kicks in here!. And then a lot of things weren't being done at all. I had to try and help my mum cope.

So, very rarely, if at all, did I throw myself into bed at night with a sense of tired satisfaction. cry

So, I suppose this became an ingrained part of my personality.

Even with sharing here, I need to keep straight and get one thing actually finished. To no longer be 'a jack of all trades...' biggrin ... an eclectic bush lawyer... blankstarehmmdisbeliefno ...

I do have a small back-up job if it is dewy and damp. A plan B- to keep me occupied.

And shall see if this works- to lesson the anxiety. ???


Participation is the key to harmony.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2530
RE: Got my shopping done...

Thank you (((David)) for sharing day to day progress. Your zeal for the Alanon program and passion to work Step 12 by carrying the message to more people where you're living is just awesome! I hope it's your hp's will for you because we all benefit through getting the word out.  "There's hope and help with Alanon." Education about the disease of alcoholism and it's effects on family, a place to gather, belong, share and be understood is so important. 

This is what stood out for me concerning the rest of your two posts. "I think is because I am trying to attempt far too much at once." I've learned through Alanon that there can be many motivations for such a statement. For myself, whatever the motivation, loss my serenity typically accompanies it. Slogans like Keep It Simple, Easy Does It and First Things First are helpful reminders for me today. TT






Faith unsticks fear.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2085

 smile Thanks T-T... 

I realise that my heading had some cachet to it... with the virus scare all around us.

It is Wednesday now- and i have done another shopping... biggrin ...

In Alanon in recent times I have been fearful about putting a foot wrong. I know that stems from the alcoholic culture I came from. But it does crop up, from time to time groups.

This is a good group to be in, because we can ask others, or check things out; based, as it is, on written, rather than spoken words.

Stepping up, or speaking up, at meetings can take some time for some people. We all do this in our downtime, when we are ready.

Some of us- me included; when we realise that there is time and space to share- have to learn the boundaries around this. What is workable.

And here again online we have unlimited time and space here.

By sharing on an old thread- I am not expecting the full attention of the group- but the share is here for anyone to share, by reading.

On Sunday our neighbour had a suspect baled up at the end of the street- a cul de sac. The neighbour is a cop- and the suspect picked the wrong place to hole up- that is for sure.

But he was playing cat and mouse with Gr. from behind his van. So I had to step in for a while to even the odds. That evening Gr. rang up to thank me, which I appreciated.

Life with my SO has improved heaps over the last 6 or 8 months. My SO is OA, rather than AA so i do not discuss it much. But there are a heap of similar issues that Alanon has prepared me for- over the years.

I find it very hard to disguise my own neediness at times. And, as I have learned I take care of my own space, and hope and pray that others will follow suit.

This has worked out okay. it has taken a long time... and a lot of wasted years. But Hp has our back and will prevail- when the time is right!

These are challenging times, for all of us... Loss of our dear Betty- and then a world wide crisis.

Betty shared this with me- when I spent time with here a few years ago. About Stephen, and her job at the World Trade Centre. She took the day off on 9/11 to take care of her son. Her love and care did not save him, sadly- but it did save her life!

I have a funeral on Friday- of a much loved neighbour aged 96. He had a heart attack, finally and was spared the fear facing a whole heap of people now.

I am so grateful that I have learned to grieve... and to communicate; which goes with it!

Thanks... aww ...


Participation is the key to harmony.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2085


 Have had to postpone my trip to Fiji because of 'the bug'. MY church is planning to go over in November and I have been invited. My church is lovely- however my vision of mission is quite different from theirs. Because we have family links with Fiji I tend to see things from the inside out. And I ask myself, considering the state of church in NZ- what we have to offer them?

We have had Fijian church family here since the last election over there. Prior to that there was a series of coups- which isolated them, sadly. And I got a personal invite from one of the chieftainess's whose daughter and SIL live here in town.

I sang for her last Sunday... and she nows I follow the culture, and won't embarrass her in her village. There are just no fences in the village- and you know have to know where to go and when. I good lesson in boundaries.

In Alanon... I always believe "live and let live". That is, not to poke my nose into other people's business, unless asked. It is always a good protection.

So, early next month I am going out harvesting grapes. It will be long hours... but good money. Over $20 ph which is about $12 in the US. But we are allowed to eat as much grapes as we like!

I raise some money by taking in migrant workers over the fruit season. Fiji will have had the bug too- and they will have needs- people to offer accomodation to is a big priority.

I will spend about a month I think... and will stay with my adopted family too. And stay there first. Some stuff we just learn through the pores of our skin. Osmosis, I call it.

And sometimes the learning comes out later- sometimes much later.

I think that is how life is! And it is exactly the same thing in Alanon. I know I am growing emotionally- but as i tell others, other people always see it first!

I am not scared here, so much, about saying the wrong thing. It has caused me hassles in Alanon here before- over here, on the mainland.

And also oversharing... with the A. just about anything can be a trigger.

it is just so hard to get away from that mindset. Or, at least it does seem impossible!

Let go and let Go! [d]. 

It is actually just so easy- but we always seem to miss the point!

Those of us who have been here, will understand that point completely!

Nice after noon here. Was going to go over to the BBQ Ranch, on the coast- but have decided that it is time to isolate in my own community- for the duration.




Participation is the key to harmony.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2085


   I have a dream- of one day coming across my double- 0r identical twin, who I will be able share my journey with. Sometimes, too I have met people with an uncanny link, or insight that sends shivers down my spine. Not horrible ones- but quite the opposite.

Unlike f2f someone might actually read this in ten years time! Hi! aww ...

I have a funeral tomorrow of an old neighbour of 96. I met some of his family three weeks ago at a similar function. It is nice to mark the passing of people who have had a full and productive life!

Neighbouring member rang this afternoon to say that our old-timer has serious cancer. She plans to come to a meeting on the 30th. I took her some cherries for Christmas... and we had a real good old chinwag.

I cam from a community that did not know how to grieve. Males especially just used to get rotten, as they called it.

"Suck it in," seemed to be the motto.

Today I love it when grandkids, especially, are encouraged to participate, and to learn- and to mark a rite of passage in a healthy way. 



Participation is the key to harmony.

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