The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since my post about a small victory for me (regarding minding my own business - FINALLY) helped a few folks, I thought I'd post another episode. My newly-sober but broke and almost homeless adult son moved much closer to where I live about 2 1\2 years ago, after being halfway across the country for most of the previous 15 years - I was ecstatic that he was closer, but over-the-top when I learned that he had been sober for a bit and planned on continuing on that path - no AA, no Sponsor, and still doesn't believe in any kind of God, but hey, he was sober and he's still sober, not smoking or vaping any more, he's healthy, working at a good job where they really like him, and he self-manages his down days (depression) MUCH better than before - I'll take what I can get however a positive comes my way, and I'll be very grateful for it in this game.
So the other day he mentioned moving back, within a couple of months, to where he had been living (it's a long story, and mostly all good stuff that's pulling him back there). Of course, I'll be sad to see him leave, but I talked with him about how we could stay in touch after he moves (FaceTime, etc.), how he'd be welcomed back here for any visits he wants to make to visit home, and how his new life back there will be much more agreeable to "success" than the odds he was pushing in his old life. It was a bittersweet conversation.
Then, even though there were only two of us in the car, I heard another voice tell him that "as sad as it was knowing that he'd be leaving soon, just like I did when I was his age, he had to take care of HIM and find the best path to life and happiness for HIM and that we'll still be close, regardless of any distance" - imagine my surprise when I realized that I was the one saying saying that, versus the old, selfish me painting a doom and gloom picture of how bad it was gonna be if he went back his old haunts - but even though he's going back to the old haunts, he's a different person now - at least for now. There were a few tears (mine) later on with him leaving, but that's life - LOL, and NOW I fully realize how it was on my folks when me and my young family moved away (job stuff, etc.) from where my parents lived - but that, too, was life - hopefully I'll deal with it as good as my parents did.
Texas this post is also mine yet I'll accept it as a "been there done that and then done other things also. I don't live my eldest son's life and he has not lived mine to each of our benefits. His drinking history started when he was one and in diapers and could run around the house outside with his own beer bottle which I allowed him to have so that he would stay away from mine. I got into recovery (Alanon) in 1979 and then AA also in 1988 while he decided that his church would be his doorway a year and a half ago. Did we suffer the tyranny of this life long family disease? Every minute of it was exercised including every trick of the trade that we had available including the physical hands on practices. It is sad that my practice of the disease caused so much corruption in all of our lives but the miracle of the program has left me a more loyal child of god and family elder.
I am not with my Hawaii Island family. I am living in California for the day (one at a time) and placing myself within the will of my Higher Power. Whether my son relapses back into drinking and using drug is only an invitation for me to place him and myself within the will of HP and available to others who want serenity and sobriety.
When I include you in my prayers your son will be there also. ((((hugs))))
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