Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: What to do??


Newbie

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What to do??


Just reading these messages on this forum have started to help me. I have been with my husband for 10 years. He was sober when I met him but battled here and there with his sobriety since we have been together. The last 7 months have been rough though. We had a daughter 6 months ago and during that time he was battling addiction. He went to rehab for 6 weeks and got out in January. He relapsed 2 weeks later and has been worse every since, relapsing every few days to a week. I want to work it out with him but I also know he needs to get the help to get sober. I dont know if I should kick him out because I am enabling him or stay with him and support him as he goes through this....please help I dont know what to do...or what steps to take



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~*Service Worker*~

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Greetings Juliette22-In this program we can take the time we need to figure out what to do. I found that I needed to heal and recovery from my alcoholic before making any huge decisions. I learned that I needed to get strong and overcome some of the damage done to me before knowing what the best path forward could be. Also, no one here will tell you what to do. We all understand due to living with the disease, and can share our experience, strength, and hope. The best thing you might consider is really getting involved with alanon, to help yourself. Then later figure out what to do with other people. Another words, you can become your priority instead of the drinker. Keep coming back-help is here! Lyne

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Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome to MIP Juliette22 - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I am so sorry for all that the disease has brought to your life, home and family. Addiction/alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease for which there is no cure. AA provides one option for recovery, and works for some/many. Al-Anon is for family and friends affected by the drinking/drugging of another.

We (most) do not offer advice, but share our ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope) with each other. Each journey is different and each situation is as well. The best I can offer is try some Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings in your area. I did not want to go or work this program as I felt and believed I was not the one who needed fixing! However, what I found in Al-Anon is support, understanding, sharing and a safe place to better understand how the disease affects all of us. Al-Anon also gave me many tools to find my way back to my own sanity as well as how to reason things out and respond with facts vs. react from fear. I had so much fear - it consumed me daily.

I hope you keep coming back - you are not alone! There is hope and help in recovery!



-- Edited by Iamhere on Friday 13th of March 2020 10:39:20 AM

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

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Posts: 269
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The thing is there is no right or wrong answer to this. In al anon we do not judge. The main issue is that the addiction is his problem. Whatever you di will not affect it one bit I don't know if you have been to any meeting of alcoholics anonymous but there are so many stories about how people got to sobriety Some of the prope who I have seen get sober in recent years I would not have thought they woukd do it in a million years . Being in al anon is such a great thing for all of us. I find the more I work my al anon program the better my life will be It sounds like it is really isolating for you right now. So stick around here for a while. Therr is a general suggestion to go to.meetings. For some of us meetings are really hard because of time constraints I went to lots of on line meetings at one time. Most of all being in this group I saw progress in others. That made me very hopeful because I believed it was possible for me too. Maresie .

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~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Juliette, welcome! Glad you found us...

I was directed to AlAnon when I had reached the point of desperation after exhausting every possibility and resource I knew. My life had become unmanageable because I thought it was my responsibility, and that I had the power, to help the Alcoholic in my life stop drinking. The pressure became unbearable.

I started attending a face to face AlAnon meeting and reading their books, specifically "Paths to Recovery - AlAnon Steps, Traditions, and Concepts", and daily readers "Courage to Change" and "One Day at a Time". These helped me immediately and allowed me to begin to find and feel the immense relief that my loved one's recovery was not dependent upon me...at all.

In fact, the best thing I could do for them was to make adjustments to reduce the insanity I was creating in my own life. When flying, oxygen mask on my own face before assisting others!

As IAH and Maresie aptly noted, in AlAnon we don't offer direct advice about other's situations as we cannot know what is best for their circumstances and unique situation, just as we can't tell Alcoholics what is best for them. Each person must find and take the action that is needed.

I can, however, recommend wholeheartedly and without reservation what helped me and is still improving the quality of my life today and therefore those around me, including the Alcoholic in my life: reading the helpful guidance of AlAnon books and the wisdom of the experience of others at meetings.

So glad you found us, you are not alone and we look forward to hearing more about your journey. Hang in there


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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

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