The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My adult son had a lot of problems related to his driver's license and car registrations over the years while he was drinking and using - it got better when he got sober, but there always seemed to be a problem of one sort or the other - almost constant tickets, insurance lapses, expired registrations, etc. - and guess who used to (USED TO, past tense !) "fix" all his problems for him? Geezzz, who else will admit to doing a warrant search for their kid when the local law enforcement announces a "Warrant Roundup"? LOL, that was me.
SO the other day I was giving him a ride to work (because I haven't bought him his 5th car - that's progress!), and after I dropped him off and while I started driving home, I noticed that his driver license and debit card, etc. in his money clip, had fallen out of his pocket and was on the car seat - with the driver license facing up!! The old me wanted to look closer at the license, expecting that it was probably expired or suspended or something - but the new me simply turned over the billfold, so the license wasn't looking up at me begging for me to examine it, and I dropped it off with him and I went home, without looking at the license any more, reminding myself that "That license is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!" Yeah, I was pretty darn proud of myself on the way home! LOL, thank goodness for at least some small victories in this battle!
Yay for your progress, Texas! That really is a big deal. "Not doing" something can be so much harder than "doing something." You stayed in your lane when it was so tempting to swerve into someone else's lane. I'm applauding for you
I.most certainly did my.share of fixing with the now ex A
I.can relate
I also helped or rather gave the ex A a truck
That represented by entire savings. That was one of the reasons I.was stuck with him for so.long. He eventually stole that truck
I am happy for you that you did not pick it up.
I was in such a bad quagmire with the ex A about the truck. Eventually I lost it all.
Recently I heard the ex A had a DUi. I.am so so glad that I do not have to deal with it.
Maresie
Thanks texas yankee for sharing your progress. It's encouraging for all of us to read that we can change our old behaviors that weren't working for us in the past. It's even more encouraging to realize that "progress sharing" isn't exclusive to newcomers. I forget sometimes I can recognize the positives - my recovery behaviors and share them here. Somehow because I've been around awhile, I tend to dismiss something healthier I did as "expected" because of years in the program. Your example was a teaching moment for me. My lightbulb moment is that as much as it's important to own my shortcomings, it's equally important to own and share my progress is an act of self love, working the 12th step and an expression of thanks to my higher power.
I really liked your example of letting go. It can be so hard when we love someone to not rescue. Thanks for sharing! ((hugs)) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 12th of March 2020 04:11:15 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I also have progress. I.have been staying with a friend for 2 months. He is an alcoholic (one who.is not drinking as much ar the moment). The drinking only being part of the problem
I have not made one comment to him about his home (which us in a shambles in really bad shape) I have not made much comment to him.at all.so staying out of it is so essential
I am of course aware he is entirely inconsiderate on every level
However I lived here before 3 years ago and I was always foaming at the mouth about his inconsiderateness
Now I am merely counting the days
I.am very busy getting ready for my re entry to my apartment
It is now in the 20 something days
Maresie
Two things JUMP out at me...first, USED TO...AMAZING!!! Great for YOU!!!
Second, why, why in any stretch of the imagination would you say...VERY small steps and small victories??? That entire post is FULL of MAJOR steps, MAJOR victories, and MAJOR PROGRESS!!! It is wreaking and oozing HEALTHY behaving and HEALTHY living for YOU!!! WOW!!! AMAZING!!!
Thank you so very much for posting this!!!
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
"the battlefield inside our own head" - yeah, that's for sure !!! My ADHD is responsible for a lot going on inside my head all the time - when things start going sideways with my son, or pretty much anything else, and the 8 track player in my head starts running all 8 tracks at the same time (for those of you who remember 8 track), I have to remind myself that the bad outcomes I am imaging, usually aren't based on any facts - that they are just illusions that my supercharged imagination is making up - of the many "voices in my head", I'm grateful to have a few that are on my side and able to talk me down. And not to worry, please - while the ADHD is real, and diagnosed, the "voices in my head" are figurative, not literal - LOL, for the record, I don't hear voices.
What a great post, TY... and I agree... NOT a small victory, but a great BIG victory!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
(((TY))) - I can relate from the first word to the end! My youngest just moved out 2 weeks ago after a year of back home, employed, car purchase (him, not me), fixing 'issues', etc. We did drive him to/from work for about 6 months while he saved since he has trashed his credit along the way...
And yes - there have been many moments where I faced a choice to snoop or not, control or not, slip or not, etc. What I love, love, love about your share - YOU see the changes in you! So often, we are the last to see/feel/realize we are getting healthier and that's such a lovely feeling! My heart is smiling for you and your son! Keep doing what you're doing - looks fantastic on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Lots to learn here, from me... 