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All of you near NY, I wanted to post this...I wish I could afford to at least go to the wake and say goodbye, but I can't...So Peter gave me this to share with her Alanon family....I thanked him and told him he was so gracious to even respond to us friends/sponsees/ etc., A lot of people would not have done so, this soon....Praying for God's love and light to surround Peter and give him comfort in his loss......
Of course I posted this as he expressed that he wanted her Alanon family to know the arrangements....
-- Edited by mamalioness on Sunday 1st of March 2020 08:53:57 PM
((((((((((((((((((Temple))))))))))))))))))))))))))) we had a VERY special relationship...not only did she "raise me up" in Alanon, loving me as I messed up/made amends and tried harder, but she was my guide, mentor, sponsor, FRIEND!!!!! we chatted about LOTS of stuff, on our own.....she had a BIG impact on my life.......and YES....We BOTH loved each other very much
I owe you some vids on the puppies...Mrs "mouthy" is behaving herself in the house....will share with you later on WHAT I did to stop her from being destructive....
I'm waiting for my former boss to deliver his books on his new little company, this week is gonna be REAL busy for me so I will be "spotty" at best as to being online with both MIP groups I am on.....
And with no sponsor now, except my BFF who is sober over 30 years, a good AA'r, I think I'll up my meets and not get anyone else...I have recovery partners I can share with: long term ACA'rs like me and my BFF...that should be enough....I miss my guiding light---Betty
Some people have a reaction to the chemo. One of my friends in San Francisco did. The chemotherapy got him
Remember the issue with lung cancer is that it is found late. The symptoms do not appear until a tumor is well established
The prognosis in general for lung cancer is not good. Some people have had some results with immune therapy
The prognosis for certain cancers is not good
I have to say that out of all the people I know who died most of them have had cancer
Betty smoked for over 10 years. Like many of us she was surrounded by people who smoke
There was no lung cancer before cigarettes were invented. This is an entirely man made disease hinged in addiction
Betty grew up in a different time when smoking was a hugely social thing. Everyone did it
We were extremely lucky to have Betty with us. She wa a noble elegant woman who brought so much to the table
It is a great loss for us
Maresie
THANK you Maresie for sharing this and yea, I knew Betty had smoked...but lungs CAN clear after years of abstinance, but if you hang with people who are smoking, you can be damaged by passive smoke...I am allergic to it so I don't go near a smoker...and yea, Chemo just trashes the immune system....I told my daughter and niece that IF I were to get cancer....NO Chemo, just let it go.....and I agree with you cancer is MAN MADE....so that tumour(s) could have been there for a while.....one of my BFF's who is also my spiritual adviser , she got pneumonia, they found a spot on her lung, gave her meds for it, restested her and found a "mass" well you know what a "mass" is, its a freakin tumour...so now I have HER to worry about...we are trying to get appt. this week for pulmonary doc. to look at this....Kerry never smoked, never was around it...I'm praying its a complication of either pneumonia or her meds.....and I know prognosis is not good...I lost my BIL to it.....
Thanks Maresie for sharing this...............HUGS...........Hope you are doing OK
Lung cancer symptoms appear late.
I know few people who survived lung cancer but not many
There are certain cancers which are brutal
The chemotherapy is an issue as well. Many many people have adverse reactions to it
We cannot blame someone who gets cancer. Smokimg is hugely addictive. Ut is manufactured to be addictive and an incredibly social past time
It is truly a shock when someone gets sick and is taken from is suddenly
I missed a lot of signs of depression in my friend. I was incredibly busy trying to get a footing in my life
I am still incredibly busy. Recovering from a life full of trauma takes decades
Survival gets easier but it is still incredibly uphill . Uphill all the way right now. One long stretch
I am so glad that people here are holding uo.about this devastating loss
Losing someone who was such a gift is very difficult
Maresie
(((Maresie)))) I hear ya about recovering from a life full of trauma and it does take decades..for me, a life time...the damage is so deep seated, but I believe my HP is more powerful so I work the steps and apply program, yea, I slip and backslide, but I just reset and start over....and yea, survival gets easier, but it is still incredibly uphill....You said it to a "T" what I think....I lost my BIL to lung cancer...he smoked till he couldn't hardly move....just figured, "what the hell?? damage is already done" and when he had his first chemo treatment he did pretty well...the ones after that?? tore him to pieces...so he quit..said he was 'done with that S***" and quit the treatments....I and my (she is my sister in my heart....life time BFF...I fixed her up with dear Roy) anyway, she and I supported him in his decision to "let go" and go he did...it wasn't long after they found the mass that he left....I still miss him...
I live around a lot of.people who.smoke.and I loathe it
Right now I have one month to go before I move back to my apartment
Home is a tough one for me because I never had one as a child .
Betty was a legend for all of us because she.made a wonderful life for.herself after tragedy
I hope to live up to her example
Maresie
I think that is a wonderful legacy. Betty was very honest about her struggles
Betty also made plans to have fun
Not to be too much of a downer but there is not too much fun for me these days. I certainly survive better than I did.
My dog certainly makes me very happy but #fun# is not in my vocabulary
I am way too busy on the surviving mode
I will not relax till I get back in my apartment and that is now just over a month away
This relocation was super hard
Being delayed is super hard
The stuff the management have put me through is very difficult
So no fun or even some levity in there for me. Every day it is about survival
Hi Rose. I only have a tiny bit more info and hopefully Peter will fill in the blanks for you if he wishes. The kind of cancer Betty had, had the potential to be cured by chemo. And it sounded like Peter expected her to finish chemo and go to rehab for a full recovery. He said he would contact me when she was discharged from the hospital and settled in rehab. Then I heard nothing all last week, which is when I contacted him last Sat. He then shared Betty had died that morning. No matter what complications occurred, I think just being 83 does not allow for the recovery a younger person would have.
It was a shock to me also to learn Betty died, when I was waiting news of her going to rehab. It took me a couple days to recover from the news. The best thing I can do for myself now is to honor her life. I have a beautiful picture of her I printed out from the funeral home which I have hanging in my home office. I have a lasting imprint of several tools she taught me which I will carry with me ODAT. And I ask God to care for her as she is in this new journey in the spirit world.
Losing Betty is a devastating loss, but I will be grateful I had her in my life. Lyne
I too was grateful for the impact that Betty had with this program. I found some challenges yesterday (or should I say they found me ) and I caught myself saying, "WHAT WOULD BETTY DO?"
I laughed at that b/c of the meme value that statement has garnered, but then said, "What a great way to honor her memory" out loud! Kind of a "Eureka!" moment. I got some funny looks, but I didn't care, as I ended up with a smile on my face for most of the day!
Wishing everyone who was touched by Betty's love, peace.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Dear Lyne, that was a lovely share you just gave...yea, I basically got the same news from Peter...What a nice guy to even TRY to let us recovery mates/sponsees into their lives...I mean all that he was going through, he took time to contact you and me and Lord knows how many others....I got some pics of her too that I have on my bedroom computer......I miss her very much...I am gonna email Peter after a while and see how hes doing and tell him that I DO care and if he wants to share, I am listening
I, like you was devastated while I am waiting for her to get into rehab, THEN to find out she DIED!!! All I could "say" to Peter was "Oh NO!!!! shes supposed to contact me when she can get a computer" Like I just did not want to belive it..Like "NO" this has to be wrong...
But you know, after the tears and prayer, I thanked HP for not letting her suffer...REally , my BIL suffered long, months and months of chemo and sickness and it was awful....Our Betty went home quite quickly...and for that I can thank the good Lord for showing mercy and taking her home quicker....
I want to pay forward all she did for me by helping the abuse survivors at our church recovery meetings...I use my experience and the great teachings that Betty bestowed upon me to help these young girls..Some were trafficked and horribly abused...Others were molested by their sperm doners like me.....These poor little damaged and broken spirits, i hug them and I tell them "There NEVER was or IS anything wrong with you..........Just a whole lot wrong with what HAPPENED to you" and I validate them, and listen to them and I use MY experience and strength and hope to help them know that they are as lovable and acceptable and precious in HP's eyes as Betty imparted upon me.....THAT is how I intend to thank her, she will live on in my memories and my sharing her teachings to me with these young girls.....It feels so good, when after we do the ending prayer, when they come up to me and hug me and tell me that they want to keep coming back...........
Thank you again, Lyne for sharing your update with me....I am facing perhaps another similar loss, as my spiritual adviser has a "mass" in her lung...she is going to hospital for MRI tomorrow....she had pneumonia and is just NOT getting over it.....the mass was not there during her first tests some weeks ago, but now its there...and so I surrender her to HP and whatever happens, I must and will cling to steps 1,2,3.....I love her and if she has to "go" let her not suffer...
My recovery from being sexually abused is profound. It has been decades. I most certainly do.share my recovery with others.
Betty shared that even with the most profound losses it is possible to thrive
Thriving is not on my horizon yet .
When I came to this group I was drowning .
The now ex A was virulently self destructive and he certainly took.me along on his ride.
I am on another journey these days to get out of the way of other people's destructiveness
It is hard going but recovery from being around alcoholism is ongoing
Maresie
It's an absolutely beautiful day here in NYC...and it was a lovely weekend as well. I was remembering and thinking about Betty this weekend, in a joyous, good feeling kind of way. I am past the sadness, I've grieved and mourned. So, while thinking about her, I had a warm, wonderful feeling this entire weekend, a sense of peace, serenity, a calmness. After a hectic week, it was so welcomed to feel this way this weekend...and it was because I was remembering Betty.
The NYC alanon meetings she attended will miss her, and so will everyone else, her family, friends, and loved ones, as well as everyone here.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
I miss her here. It's going to take awhile to get use to not seeing her busy here in early mornings. She really representing the Alanon program through example for me in so many ways. I enjoyed her pictures - how she frequently updated them. Since her passing, I wonder if our paths may have crossed at some point in the NYC rooms when I was a different person living with chaos and insanity and not fully present.
Her obit pictures are lovely. They show her really enjoying life. I know those locations and now I have a small window into what she enjoyed. That's nice. :) The pictures make me a little homesick, actually. Even through her online presence here, I could sense that ((Betty))) was a beautiful person inside and out - the real deal. I'm grateful for all the wisdom she imparted and her incredible dedication to being of service here. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
) and I caught myself saying, 