The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about CONTROL. It speaks of the "gray days." Days that scare us because old feelings come rushing back to us. We feel needy, scared, ashamed. When this happens, it can be difficult to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. That is when we try and control.
"When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil."
Quote for today: "I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness - myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that... one gray day."
Well, this topic is definitely for me! Through working multiple Step 4's, I have come to find that my need to control situations (not always people), is based on Fear. The fear is rooted in lack of security.
Right now, there are multiple "gray days" for me. My father - who I depend on emotionally and still to some extent financially - had a cardiac episode while we were out enjoying a family outing. It was not enough to call the paramedics (but looking back we probably should've), but now my brother and I are having to accept that the medication is not working as it should, and our father could pass at any time. We knew this prior ( I mean my father has to wear a defibrillator), but we were pinning all our hopes on the medication protocol. We are having to have the discussions needed for "What happens after." I have been struggling with depression and the need to TAKE CONTROL all week. It is very hard to accept things as they are right now. I want something different!
Anyway, thank you MIP family for being my source of daily support.
I am going out and enjoying the cool, but sunny day! I am going to refer to the above Quote all weekend! I hope that you all make the best of your weekend!
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__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you PnP for your service, the daily and your share/ESH. There is no doubt that when I am feeling restless, irritable or discontent, fear is almost always the offender. Fear often for me comes about when I am either looking @ the past or projecting for the future. I am so sorry to hear about your father - I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
About one year ago, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 kidney disease. We really thought she'd be gone by now based on statistics...yet, she's still living life, doing quite a bit and alive. She's got a pace-maker, has had a stroke and a few other medical conditions and now is diagnosed with dementia. I share simply because I was already putting her 'in the ground' and making plans for my father who will be alone - age 85 - in another state. *Sigh*
Since December 22nd, I've lost 3 people. My cousin who was young, and unexpected and then 2 even younger children of friends. Both were complications from diabetes - something I've never heard of and then bamm - 2 within weeks. Quite honestly, death is still so darn difficult for me - I have a spiritual life and a HP I trust yet it's just so darn sad. I can honestly say that I'm not a wreck as I would have been without this program and I am literally doing one day at a time right now. I've done all I can do each day to live my life, be of service and lean into trusting that power greater than I.
I readily admit that I've gotten real spoiled with some awesome recovery people in that I no longer sit/spin about ANYTHING. I pick up the phone and talk it out because the sooner I share it, that's when I start processing and healing. If life has shown me anything, it's that I truly have no control over anything beyond me - my attitudes, actions, thoughts, deeds, etc.
I hope your outdoor journey brought you peace! The sun is shining here and I've been out and about a couple times. It's cool here too and that's OK - the sun brightens my mood/day. I've got tee times for the next 7 days and based on the forecast, it probably is not going to happen! That's OK - we were just planning and being hopeful when we set them.
Love and Light my friend - be gentle and know that thoughts and prayers are headed your way!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good thoughts, P. I always thing: "David- try to manage, and not to control." "Manage" lets other people in. It means that i do not have to seek solutions alone.
I grew upon a black and white culture, in a black and white world. Good and bad. Not a shade, or a glimmer of hope in between. When I am stressed I sometimes revert back. I never liked the idea of shades of grey. I wanted to have all the colours of the rainbow- and black too. So I got these... and see the world [I think] very much as it is. Even as i write black words appear on a white page. But in the readings is a whole other world. The world of thought, and intelligence. The world of ideas, and of communication... which contains hope and healing... .
Losing a parent is a huge rite of passage. That is a major milestone
I have found that not one but two ex boyfriends has died. I was not in touch with them. There are huge issues involved when someone is no longer around
My friend whom I am staying with (for too long unfortunately) has major health problems. He is significantly depressed. In the last few days he is back to drinking
In the past I would react to it. Now I am taking it one day at a time
I am also staying on my side of the street. For once my issues are the most important for me
My friend has choices. I have choices. In the past I tried to influence other people in their choices. Really it was not #giving# I had very real expectations around my giving#
Truthfully I am pretty upset that I am not moving back to my apartment on March 3rd like I was supposed to. However I have no.control over that
My friend has major medical issues. So do I. I try to focus on my own medical issues. My own self care. I am done being a martyr. The fall out from martyrdom is terrible
My own logistical issues are significant. I need to be ready to move back into my apartment in a certain number of weeks. Moving out did not go well. Moving back has to go better
I have always drowned myself in others issues. I still do not want to deal with my own issues but now I seriously hold back with others. For me that is revolutionary
Maresie
I wasn't going to come back on this thread, but I did today and I am so glad!!
Thank you all for your support! AS usual, MIP family stepped up and did what they do best... unconditional support!
Iamhere - I am sorry to hear about the travails that you are experiencing. Even though my brain knows death is also a part of life, it is sometimes very hard to accept! I was actually given a dose of Hope by your share of your mother. It is indeed true that my father could hang on for years. But things will change, as he can't do the things he has always done.
David - I really concentrate of "managing myself only" today. I am not going to lie to y'all... there are days when I struggle to stay within my Hoop... to accept ODAT. Because like Iamhere, my Fear is at it's worst when I am projecting into the Future. But progress not perfection... right? LOL
Maresie - I never really thought of it in that way... but you are so correct... losing a parent is a 'Rite of Passage.' It is like your Life's safety-net gets a big hole in it! It is our job to figure out how to mend that hole so that we feel secure again. I have always thought that Service to Others can be a great way to honor the deceased. It looks like I will be dealing with losing a parent - you know, it is really a direct result of my age... can't do anything about that! LOL! Again, for me, it ends up being about Acceptance. Funny how everything seems to eventually circle back to that idea (for me)!! I am really sorry that you won't be able to move into your apartment when you thought you were going to be able to. Your living situation seems difficult right now, but I can hear your program tools at work!
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
(((PnP))) - my parents are truly amazing creatures to watch age! We've had many bumps in our journey, yet have settled in a peaceful way. It has been hard to watch as I was resisting the changes - nobody wants to watch someone they love deteriorate. As with most things, I just had to get to a place of accepting 'what is' and then just try to be of service. Like you, they have been very constant in my life, and supported me when I most needed help. Driving, Bathing, Cooking, Cleaning are all simple things for me to do that make things simpler for them. From afar, I tend to their bills, their technology needs, their food orders, etc. Even though they are removed, they know I am just a phone call away and always answer!
There is always hope so long as their is breath. In my mom's case, since she's now affected by dementia, she is not aware of 'all other' which is a blessing for all of us as she's been a life-long worrier! She truly embraces the present and each moment as she's confused about the past and the future. While it's different and difficult at times, she's a lot more relaxed and go-with-the-flow than ever before. There's no sadness or anger about her state, which I am grateful for.
(((Hugs))) - you got a great program and that's been my guiding light during this transition. Keep doing what you're doing!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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Good thoughts, P. I always thing: "
