The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading from C2C, the author reflects on the ease of detachment with casual friends, where they are not very emotionally involved, compared to how difficult it is to not take on a negative frame of mind if a family member is being critical or grumpy. The author reflects on their own behavior to notice that their own behavior in terms of detaching with casual friends demonstrates that we have a choice about how we respond to other people's moods. For the author, detachment involves paying attention to their own mood and feelings before they have the chance to take on someone else's mood. Then, the author can see or hear negativity or anger without taking those moods on. The author concludes by saying that, just because a loved one is having a bad day, doesn't mean that the author needs to have one.
Today's Reminder: If I pause for a moment before focusing on someone else's mood, I may find out that I have feelings of my own that deserve attention. I will look for those moments to check in with myself today/
Today's Quote: "Detachment allows us to let go of out obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves." Detachment
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Like the author, I found that detachment (as well as ALL the other Alanon tools) were easier to put into practice at work. I was less emotionally invested in these relationships, and detachment, boundary setting, clear communication, etc were easier there. I decided to start where making change was easier, build my confidence, and then slowly, as I felt ready, apply it to the relationships that were more difficult - those relationships with my AW and other family and friends. I'm glad to have a program that allows me to progress at my own pace, and a program where I can apply things, little by little, until I feel confident and comfortable with them. Detachment with my AW is something that I have been trying to do for years, and this year, I noticed that I was getting better at it.
My early mornings (4 am wake up time) provide me the opportunity to check in with myself first each day. When the weather is nice, I take the dogs for a walk (in the pre-bunny hours!) When the weather is not nice, I do a morning Yoga practice. Both of these approaches block off time for me to connect with myself, connect with nature, and check in with myself. If I can be honest with myself about how I am feeling, I know what my mood is before any one else shares their mood with me. In this way, I can be more mindful about the boundaries between me and other people, and I can let other people have their bad moods without taking them on myself.
This morning as I parked my car shortly before 7, I noticed that the sky was light, and I could see the start of a beautiful sunrise. This is my favorite time of year - we are promised warmth, spring, new growth, hope for the future. I love the messages of hope and renewal this time of year brings in my hemisphere.
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks Skorpi for your service and great ESH. Yes, I am much better with detachment with those I am less involved with. The emotional bond makes detaching with love, so much harder. And of course, the hardest is with my A. I also get better over time with focus and practice. All I can do is try and change myself, and Im trying! Lyne
Good morning all and happy hump day! Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your shares and ESH. I had no clue how to detach as I was so entrenched! It was so not easy yet with continued practice, it's gotten easier to do. For me, the PAUSE has become a great tool to help me consider how best to respond to any situation, person, etc. and/or if a response is even necessary.
I was also clueless how to embrace a spiritual life/journey and rely on a power greater than I for guidance, strength and direction. Again, that pause for me quickly reminds me I am never, ever alone or a hostage to the person/situation.
I am grateful for the growth I get when I practice recovery. We've got snow falling this morning and it's quite pretty...I am all prepared to hibernate and just enjoy! Make it a great day MIP family - find and keep your joy!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I agree with Lyne - I am much better with detachment when I am not emotionally involved. All we can do is accept the tools in this program and try and implement them as best we can.
I do something similar to Skorpi. I get up 2 hrs before I "have to." I have my bullet-proof coffee, come on this site and read, and read some Anon literature. When I still had my Boxer, I would take her for a short walk before the reading. I am NOT a morning person, so this is huge that I continue to do this even though I no longer live with or are enmeshed with my Ex. It is just the right time to check in with me...
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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