The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I logged in it said posts: 499. My thought was that that is alot and I wonder if I have learned anything, changed, found serenity, or helped anyone else. So I know that I am immature. That I am alone and keep asking why? I spent some time with my A today and our interaction was still sick. Maybe more on my part than his. He offered to come help me for the weekend. And I just don't know how to respond. Where is he when I really really need him. He said that he is giving into his disease, our couples therapy didn't work so why not just enjoy his addiction. I keep asking him for support that he is not capable of giving me. I am talking to his disease and it wins everytime. I try so hard to go into it with some kind of boundary and my heart just gets trampled every time. I am truly powerless so why do I keep trying to crack some kind of deal with him/the disease/him?
So for my 500th post I want to end with my gratitudes. I am grateful for learning how to take a moral inventory. I was short tempered with my mother and I called her and apologized. I am grateful for my friends who invited me to go with them to the sunrise service at the canyon and it was awesome. I am grateful that I was able to speak to two of my sons today and received a phone message from the one in the military. I am grateful that my family is able to get together for a holiday and provide for their families. I am grateful for my life itself and all my pain and small successes. I am truly grateful for Alanon and the support that I get for all my trials and tribulations.
Aha , a gratitide list one of my fav things in this program . Keeps me from thinking about what I don't have. When I do that I slip into envy and self pity and I simply cannot afford those two things in my life today .
An attitude of gratitude has taken me along way , thanks for bringing it up. Louise
Thank you for your honest post my friend. None of us work anything like a perfect program and I appreciate that after 500 posts that you are willing to share your honest ESH with me. I have to learn that in those darker moments to take a breath and look at what I have that IS good in my life. Thank you for reminding me of that today :o)
