Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 2/6

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 10331
Courage to Change 2/6

Good morning MIP.  Today's reading discusses distorted thinking and forcing solutions.  The writer tells about arriving at Al-Anon, and hearing to not make any major decisions for at least 6 months.  The writer really wanted to hear, leave the bum instead, so was dismayed.  After waiting, the writer was grateful they had not made a quick decision.

As time progressed, the writer got tired of waiting, forced a solution and did depart.  With that action, guilt and self-doubt arrived.  They loved their alcoholic deeply and now had uncertainty regarding the forced decision.  It took even more time for the writer to find peace in the best solution for her situation.

Reminder:  When my thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, I probably won't get the results I seek.  As the saying goes, "When in doubt, don't."

Quote from As We Understood. . .:  "Guide me in all I do to remember that waiting is the answer to some of my prayers."


I spent many 'adult' years forcing solutions that felt right at the time, and yet rarely yielded the results I thought I needed.  In Al-Anon, I've learned to practice a slower, more deliberate process which gives me time to weed out the reality from the way my mind projects.  I've come to truly believe in miracles, as they happen all around me when I remain open.  

I lived in a thinking state of, 'Things will always be this way...' or 'He will never change/recover/...'  Today, instead, I try to hold on to hope for all, embrace imperfection in myself and others and don't get hung up on my will and/or my way.  Al-Anon gives each of us the tools, time and spiritual guidance to make decisions for us.  No other person should influence our life choices and for that I'm grateful.  One Day at a Time, I have stayed in my relationships, and am grateful for the continued blessings I receive.  Love that this program works when we work it!

Make it a great day MIP family - find and keep your joy!


Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1933

Thank you Iamhere for your service!

It took me a true "moment" to understand just how exhausting trying to force solutions were to me! Then another moment to realize that when solutions that I thought were "better" couldn't be forced, I would use subtle manipulation to "guide" the situation to the result I had tried to force all along! All in the name of "Love" or wanting them to not feel the negative repercussions of their actions.

I am happier today working on NOT forcing my will, my solutions on any particular subject. I am learning to allow another to experience the results - without interference.

Iamhere - You were probably the first to "introduce" me to Practice the Pause...I am so grateful to embrace this slogan in my daily life! Thank you.

Enjoy your Thursday, everyone!




PnP - music & nature lover

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"I don't ask for much, I only want Trust... and you know it don't come easy." - Ringo Starr

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1483

Thank you for your service IAH and for both great shares. Yes, this is one of my topics for sure, that I can still slip back into, trying to force solutions. ODAT certainly helps me, and so does reminding myself to turn my will and my life over to the God of my understanding. My sponsor also helped me accept that I had to stop trying to force solutions. Now with my morning prayers, I ask HP daily to help me accept my A. Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 827



I wake up and come to MIP on my computer after watching my wife and daughter in law rush to the car and to the hospital upon getting the news that a friend had a heart attack this morning maybe after drinking.  I am powerless and I woke up in unmanageability.  Okay prayers...shower...prayers and then text wife to ask her steps 1 thru 3 questions and now HP has it all.   I use to climb into the car also with all of  my wisdom and self centeredness the tools of my own Higher Poweredness but Al-Anon has cured those misconceptions and has me in trust and acceptance.

I know this disease  personally as I do know our program and the consequences of working it.

Mahalo for all of you and your experiences, strengths and hopes and love.    ((((hugs))))  smile

Jerry F
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.