Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change February 5


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 879
Date:
Courage to Change February 5


Hello MIP! 

In today's reading from C2C, the author reflects on the Zen Buddhist saying: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." 

This saying reminds the author of Alanon's public relations policy based on attraction, not promotion. 

The author reflects that, although they learned about AlAnon as a teen, their arrival at a meeting was "right on time" - twenty years later. The author spent those years becoming ready to begin working the AlAnon program. They didn't arrive late, they arrived perfectly on time. 

Today's Reminder: There is no magic wand that can make others ready for Al-Anon. And it is presumptuous to assume that I have a better idea of their true path than they do. Let me help those who want help. When my life improves as a result of working the program myself, I do more to carry the message than I ever could by forcing it on others.  

Today's Quote: "Let me not dilute the effectiveness of the help I can give by letting it take the form of giving advice. I know I will never have enough insight into another's life to tell that person what is best to do." The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

----------------------------------------------------

Like today's author, I arrived at my first meeting right on time. I had several starts and stops to my AlAnon attendance, until the time was right. Those stops and starts aren't things I view as delays to my progress, but the right things to have happened so that I would become ready. 

The comment about the public relations policy is well-timed for me. My home group is dwindling in numbers - now just 3 regular attendees. We are discussing ways to make people more aware of our meetings (currently, meeting times are posted on the district website and included on the clubhouse flier with the meeting schedules). We are talking a lot about whether posting fliers or placing a meeting announcement in the local community events section of the paper would be in keeping with the policy of attraction rather than promotion. We are still mulling over where the line between visibility and promotion lies, and I expect that we will be mulling this over for a while yet, since we started talking about it when we had only 5 regular attendees. wink

I hope you make today a great day! 



__________________

Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 10331
Date:

Good morning Skorpi and thank you for the daily, your service and your share/ESH. I too believe I arrived on time and that everything that I went through before 'that' was exactly as planned. That doesn't mean I wish some were different/better/other, it just means that each event added to my readiness for recovery.

We often talk about the 'gift of desperation' in my world. I first arrived, and rejected all offered under an insane pretense that I knew better and I didn't need to change/work on ANYTHING! I returned to my life as it was - chaotic, dramatic, negative, reactive, - and had to experience more to be ready for the priceless gift of serenity we're promised with effort in recovery. When I returned, I was open - not necessarily fully ready - but open, enough to hear what I needed to hear to keep coming back.

I am grateful for that and love, love, love the quote. I am grateful to be a member of those who've retired from giving unsolicited advice, opinions, direction, etc. and work instead to practice unconditional love and acceptance. It still pains me at times to watch the journey of those I love with this disease, yet I know that when I give them up to the God of my understanding, all will be as it's supposed to be.

Happy hump day MIP family - find and keep your joy today!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1483
Date:

Thanks Skorpi for your service and ESH. I too dabbled for some time in alanon, coming to this board a couple times a year, had made a decision I would never go to a F2F, and also that I would never have a sponsor. It just took years of pain and suffering for the desperation to set in, that when I walked through the door to a F2F, I already had a sponsor and felt determined to do the Steps ASAP. I used to regret not coming sooner, but now my attitude is better late than never, and thank God I made this commitment for myself. It no longer matters what I could of or should have done. What matters is today, and I will try to make it a good one. Lyne

__________________

Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 952
Date:

Skorpi, thank you for today's reading! About your meeting's dwindling attendance -- I have been in that situation. We did all we could, asked other group representatives to announce in their meetings that we needed support, invited guest speakers from other meetings in hopes they would bring their friends, etc. Ultimately the meeting closed, and that was emotional for me because that location was the first meeting I attended and I felt bonded to it. But the closure opened up possibilities for me to attend other meetings -- and I found new ones that I truly enjoy.

Our district recently discussed attraction vs. promotion. The conclusion was that it is all about the way we present the message. If we say "YOU need Al-Anon!" that is promotion, but if we just present information, such as "There is help for friends and families of alcoholics and here is our contact information" that is attraction. I believe the WSO is doing some public outreach based on the theme "Not everyone affected by alcoholism is an alcoholic," and they have public service announcements available for radio and TV. So we do not have to be invisible, just thoughtful about our message.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Online
Posts: 1933
Date:

Thank you Skorpi for your service.
I love hearing how others interpret the program, so i want to thank Iamhere and Lyne as well! Through you all, I can still feel like a student... and I like to think I am always open to learning!

"... And it is presumptuous to assume that I have a better idea of their true path than they do."

This is important to me b/c while I am WAY better at allowing others to make their own decisions, my peace gets derailed when they don't "work it" like I think they should (could be anything, not just 12 step stuff). If only they would do this, or that, blah, blah, blah!

That is when I need to step back and say, "No, PNP. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. You do not need to control the result from afar. It is for you to accept what is occurring right now, on this day! Only their HP knows how their path is going wend!" I have actually said this to myself out loud at times! It keeps my ego in check!LOL!

Woke up late today, so I am already behind the 8-ball!



__________________

 

PnP - music & nature lover

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"I don't ask for much, I only want Trust... and you know it don't come easy." - Ringo Starr

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
Date:

thank you (((Skorpi))) for your awesome shares, as usual, i learn something....it took me long enough after my 2nd divorce to 'get here" but once I did get here, I jumped in with both feet, and almost OVER did it meaning I wore myself out going to meetings AND trying to work...I mean I went to AA AND Alanon sometimes 3 meets in one day, I was so desperate to "get well" well "getting well" is ,for me, management of my LIFE LONG issues and my life long membership in the Alanon/ACA groups....yea, I just wasn't ready till I was ready....I had to grieve over the fact that I lost so many decades of life due to being too messed up and too unaware that there was FREE help for me if only I would give it a try....oh well..I am here now...guess better late then never at all

__________________

Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 225
Date:

I went to an al.anon meeting that friends of mine loved and hated it I was hell bent most of my life in changing the impossible Getting to humble had been hard. Then getting to that point of being willing to take suggestions has been very very difficult Nevertheless the more I work the program the better my life us no matter what I dont consider any part of my jude wasted. Sone people never get to recovery. My family of origin has not I have been a member of 12 step programs for decades Al anon had been particularly helpful to me I let go of my therap recently in a not very cool.way. He was not being very responsive to me I am aware today that what puts me in a bind is trying to control a situation that is uncontrollable. Then exhausting myself and falling into a depression. I have never really seen that my trying to control the uncontrollable is the issue Now I have to find another way and that is extremely difficult Maresie

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.