The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I seem to struggle with Perfection quite a bit. Perfection with myself. And it used to be with others... I figured if I could do it (whatever "it" was), then anyone could do it, and do it just as well as I could!!
I have learned that this way of thinking was about devaluing myself, while at the same time expecting perfection from others! Gah! So messed up! I don't know where this thinking originated from... currently working on that. I may never know, but I am glad to have some understanding of myself so that I can,
1) Be more gentle with myself - I am only human after-all!
2) Be more accepting of others and what they can do/be.
It is an ongoing journey for me - thank you for being a part of it!
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__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Little by slowly...the tools, the meaning, the application, the slogans, and the real meaning of all of the philosophies, concepts, etc., of alanon start to make sense. We learn them, and more importantly, how to use them, apply them, in our lives on a day to basis. Sometimes we struggle as we learn. That's OK. That's normal. Natural. It's like learning anything. For me, yes, meeting makers make it...we can learn a great deal in meetings...but the real work, doing the work, takes place outside meetings. That's where we live...that's where living takes place!
If every step we take is about getting better, getting healthy, if everything we do, if every action we take, if we live it...the alanon program...we get better...we get healthy.
It works if you work it...so work it...you're worth it.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
I want to be more outrageous this year... like getting all of the range out there- in a comfortable way.
Rage and not anger was my life. Terror, rather than fear. Terrified of abandonment; terrified of my own emotions. Cowered by other people who appeared stronger, and in control.
I have done ACA stuff actively for 5 years- and also worked with C-PTSD. my condition was dire [chronic] and had been for 50 years. I was angry at society and the world for not having solutions.
When I was 17 I had awful migraine. I sought help and was put on a course of 3 drugs; ten pills a day. I was naive and thought that would fix it. I needed help and daily support, but realised that I was out there on my own. When the pills ran out I was on a school strip and I think I de-toxed. it was horrific. So I steered clear of meds.
This dire experience also inoculated me against the appeal of street drugs- which must have saved my life.
People say- that if you remember the 70's you weren't there.
I am still working part time- but not up on the mountain. I miss that job. But for once in my life i left at just the right time. I did not hang on for dear life.
Doing painting and fencing and stuff was much like the founder of the MIP groups. John F.
He struggled- and this was bought home to me when i met him a few years ago. But he did survive- and also set up these groups- single handed initially.
After the weekend watching rowing I have some chores- and some time to rest and relax. Went out on the mountain bike easy because rain is expected.
About 4 years ago i head began to clear. The brain fog lifted, in other words. But I know then that I had a lot of catching up to do. With that one good brain cell. This morning I played guitar- and am currently learning 4 songs with three chords.
Ultimate goal is to play the banjo- thats used to belong to our kid brother, before he passed.
I am actually creating my own chords, as i go. I found rote learning hard, at the best of times. I picture myself as one of those old blues singers- playing for dimes, on an old battered guitar.
Warning: reference to drinking below... in context to my share...
Unrealistic expectations seem a common theme. For me this was the same. My ex expected perfection but really he just expected things to always go his way when they didnt he had a tantrum making lots of noise with shouting etc. This triggered me to shush things either by getting him what he wanted immediately or directing my children to. Or now and then I would join in the noise making and shout louder. This was the merrygoround we were on and I couldn't find a way to get off for 20 years. Brought up my 3 kids in this atmosphere. I have to own my part. Thank God for alanon I can make my amends to my kids through a different response to drama. I can set another example.
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Thanks P. and Bo...
Yes Elcee... this sums up our dilemma most succinctly! 
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