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Post Info TOPIC: Perfection...


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1991
Date:
Perfection...


 

  Perfection not progress seemed to be the philosophy of the A. in my life. In my eyes he seldom measured up.

But details and stuff used to make him angry- livid- like a three year old.

I tailored the programme a bit- so I could embrace all these new ideas. I said: "Expect perfection, but settle for a little less."

I expected to have dreams and ideals. I wanted and needed them. But maybe i did not need to foist them onto other people?

I did want to share them with other people- in a common cause- and Alanon enables me to do this.

Finding a median, a balance.

Doing for me what ah need to do... taking measures- steps.

Poco a poco, paso a paso, día por día...

Little by little, step by step, day by day... biggrin ...



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One day at a time.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Online
Posts: 1933
Date:

Thank you for your thoughts, David.

I seem to struggle with Perfection quite a bit. Perfection with myself. And it used to be with others... I figured if I could do it (whatever "it" was), then anyone could do it, and do it just as well as I could!!

I have learned that this way of thinking was about devaluing myself, while at the same time expecting perfection from others! Gah! So messed up! I don't know where this thinking originated from... currently working on that. I may never know, but I am glad to have some understanding of myself so that I can,

1) Be more gentle with myself - I am only human after-all!
2) Be more accepting of others and what they can do/be.

It is an ongoing journey for me - thank you for being a part of it!

&

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PnP - music & nature lover

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"I don't ask for much, I only want Trust... and you know it don't come easy." - Ringo Starr

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous

Bo


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1512
Date:

Little by slowly...the tools, the meaning, the application, the slogans, and the real meaning of all of the philosophies, concepts, etc., of alanon start to make sense. We learn them, and more importantly, how to use them, apply them, in our lives on a day to basis. Sometimes we struggle as we learn. That's OK. That's normal. Natural. It's like learning anything. For me, yes, meeting makers make it...we can learn a great deal in meetings...but the real work, doing the work, takes place outside meetings. That's where we live...that's where living takes place!

If every step we take is about getting better, getting healthy, if everything we do, if every action we take, if we live it...the alanon program...we get better...we get healthy.

It works if you work it...so work it...you're worth it.



__________________

Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1991
Date:

 

  smile Thanks P. and Bo...

                                     I want to be more outrageous this year... like getting all of the range out there- in a comfortable way.

Rage and not anger was my life. Terror, rather than fear. Terrified of abandonment; terrified of my own emotions. Cowered by other people who appeared stronger, and in control.

I have done ACA stuff actively for 5 years- and also worked with C-PTSD. my condition was dire [chronic] and had been for 50 years. I was angry at society and the world for not having solutions.

When I was 17 I had awful migraine. I sought help and was put on a course of 3 drugs; ten pills a day. I was naive and thought that would fix it. I needed help and daily support, but realised that I was out there on my own. When the pills ran out I was on a school strip and I think I de-toxed. it was horrific. So I steered clear of meds.

This dire experience also inoculated me against the appeal of street drugs- which must have saved my life.

People say- that if you remember the 70's you weren't there.

I am still working part time- but not up on the mountain. I miss that job. But for once in my life i left at just the right time. I did not hang on for dear life.

Doing painting and fencing and stuff was much like the founder of the MIP groups. John F.

He struggled- and this was bought home to me when i met him a few years ago. But he did survive- and also set up these groups- single handed initially.

After the weekend watching rowing I have some chores- and some time to rest and relax. Went out on the mountain bike easy because rain is expected.

About 4 years ago i head began to clear. The brain fog lifted, in other words. But I know then that I had a lot of catching up to do. With that one good brain cell. This morning I played guitar- and am currently learning 4 songs with three chords.

Ultimate goal is to play the banjo- thats used to belong to our kid brother, before he passed.

I am actually creating my own chords, as i go. I found rote learning hard, at the best of times. I picture myself as one of those old blues singers- playing for dimes, on an old battered guitar.

Warning: reference to drinking below... in context to my share...



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One day at a time.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5069
Date:

Unrealistic expectations seem a common theme. For me this was the same. My ex expected perfection but really he just expected things to always go his way when they didnt he had a tantrum making lots of noise with shouting etc. This triggered me to shush things either by getting him what he wanted immediately or directing my children to. Or now and then I would join in the noise making and shout louder. This was the merrygoround we were on and I couldn't find a way to get off for 20 years. Brought up my 3 kids in this atmosphere. I have to own my part. Thank God for alanon I can make my amends to my kids through a different response to drama. I can set another example.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1991
Date:

  aww Yes Elcee... this sums up our dilemma most succinctly! smile.

       Sometimes I thing rule 13 in Alanon is "my way or the doorway"... ...and in AA "my way, or the highway!"

       And we do get to believe that this is the only way to live! dohnodisbeliefhmm...



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One day at a time.

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