The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
While I do think it is a good thing that we have an online resource to aid our recovery, my experience has been that it is often easier to be mean and to dodge reality online. Chat rooms tend to be mean-spirited places. And I don't need that in my life. I prefer to choose positive experiences, things that bring me joy. I've learned to do that through my recovery.
Through 20 years in Alanon, I've learned that going to meetings, where I have to deal with and listen to real people like myself putting themselves out there, getting a sponsor, working the steps, working the steps in my ordinary life, are what works. As we say: "it works, if you work it!" Boy, is that ever true! It hasn't been easy. I've had to choose many times to walk away from relationships and people who are not life-affirming. Again, I've learned to do that through my recovery.
And I've also learned that the world is filled with wounded people - me included. So I reach out to embrace those who have been wounded even in the recovery program, and that has happened, and continues to happen. In "real" meetings, sometimes anonymity is not honored. That is very hurtful. Here online we have different issues. My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered more than they have gained in Alanon. Blessings, mebjk
I've heard some share that they've have f2f meetings that didn't work for them for various reasons. I've met a online member of alanon, I've spoken to other members on the phone for various reasons. Online members where actively checking on me either online or via phone during my wife's suicide attempt aftermath, and online member made my family a dinner w/ enough for leftovers. I have an MIP screw that reminds me that my MIP family is with me during this trying time.
For me it's very real here.
Now I do realize that online can become nasty. What is funny is one of the reasons for that is the anonymity. One of the foundations of our program. It's easier to be nasty when your not facing someone f2f also. But, there is also the lack of the tone, inflection, body language and facial expressions. I think some of our misunderstandings wouldn't happen f2f w/ those elements. It's also sometimes easier to admit things here that we wouldn't admit f2f, and it gives us the courage to build up to that. Heck I've seen newbies that were ready to get to a f2f more comfortably because of our meetings.
All I'm saying is that online works for me and supplements my program. It afforded me much more program that I could have gotten w/o online support. I also realize that it's not for everyone or not everyone gets the same out of it. Part of that may also be that I've been involved in network chat for over 20 years. I'm used to this as a means of communication. For me this is much the same as those who chose one meeting format over another, who choose to stay w/ their A or leave.
I take what I like and leave the rest when it comes to how to work this program and I would like to think I afford others the same.
In recovery,
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Even though we are all broken, and survivors (so far, by the Grace of HP) of this awful disease, and that is the common bond between us, we are all different in our needs.
At the time I staggered into the chatroom, I was too devastated to drive to a meeting, let alone, try to locate one. When I entered the room I was greeted warmly, and tears filled my eyes. I was finding acceptance there when I could not find any with my husband. I found like I had found people who spoke a language I understood, and my healing began then. At that moment. That was in December, I was alone and heartbroken, and scared. Now, I am getting better.
I was encouraged to attend f2f meetings everytime I attended a chat session. I finally got up my nerve to go to one 3 weeks ago. And I have been to 3 of them.
Had it not been for the chatroom and the love and hope and education I received there, I might not have ever made it to a f2f meetings. My spirits were too low, and I could not stop crying. Online, I could type and vent, and cry to my hearts content. I found I couldn't get all the words out fast enough, I had been hiding them inside for so long!
The chatroom has been nothing but positive for me, and I am thankful for it. I had been looking for it for a while, and HP finally guided me in my pain, to it. Everything happens in God's time, not ours. Maybe it was the right time for me to finally start to heal.
Thanks to all my online buddies for all your help and support. If you could have seen me then, and could see me now, you wouldn't recognize me! I have had several online buddies comment on how much I have changed, just by the words I use, and what I say. I could not have done it alone. The chatroom and message board were there for me when I just could not feel good enough about myself to even go out in public, and face anyone. Thank you all for your help, I love you all.
This is a great supplement to our recovery. I too have a great personal suppot system here too. I have many phone numbers of members of who I can call, and I have given them my phone number to call me when they cannot reach their own sponsor. I have gained so much through MIP.
We all have to remember that once we hit send, it cannot be taken back. We do tend to let our hair down here a bit more than in face to face, not saying that is good or bad. This is just another outlet for recovery. I for one, would would still be a very sick person without some of the wise words from the people here that I have not heard locally.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I have never been comfortable in Alanon f2f meetings.Partly my own fault because I sat in judgement and criticized.And also because people didn't run up and welcome me as I thought they should.I left after the meeting and no one seemed to notice.That hurt.That has never happened to me here. I have never submitted a post that was not responded to and some of the responses were awsome.After coming here and reading ALOT and sharing and listening at the meetings I was much more comfortable going to the f2f meeting,in fact I was anxious to go.I even stayed after to talk.I know I would not have stayed with Alanon had it not been for the support and welcome I have found here.
I have never gone into chat seeking help but every time I have gone in there as long as I am friendly everyone welcomes me.I also realize people have already been there and conversations have started and I do not expect them to stop just because I entered.Now if I had a problem,relating to the program and my recovery I would expect someone to listen and talk to me because it IS Alanon chat,it's not an AOL public anything goes chat.
As has been said before we are all iin differing stages of recovery and we are all different people tho we have some similarities in being affected by alcoholism.
Thanks for the topic, (((((((mebjk)))))),so glad you still come here.
