The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author writes about "murderous weapons" they have used when handling the alcoholic situation: indignation, accusations, hysteria, nagging, self-righteousness, and more. These weapons kill the desire to find a better life, increase the alcoholic's guilt, and destroy us who are wielding the weapons.
Today's Reminder: I will try to clear out of my life and my mind all the tools of destruction I have been using. I know they can do nothing to improve my situation. I will make myself learn to use a new set of tools: tolerance, kindness, patience, courtesy, love and humor - and a firm determination to do what is necessary to improve my life.
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I appreciate the honesty of this reading and am surprised, as I am so many times, by how I hear my own story in our literature and meetings. Before Al-Anon, I felt murderous and really wanted some tools of destruction. Thankfully I came to believe that those were the wrong tools for the job, if I wanted a life that was serene and that I could be proud of.
I love reminder that the new tools of tolerance, kindness, patience, etc. are not "wimpy" tools -- they are tools of firm determination. And I first have to apply them to myself, before I can apply them to anyone else.
hELLO fREETIME i LOVE THIS READING AS IT CORRECTLY IDENTIIEISS SOME OF THE WEAPONS I USED WHEN INTERACTING WITH THE DISEASE. I NEVER CONSIDERED, COMPASSION ,KINDNESS, COURTESY, AND LOVE AS A TOOL. TODAY, THANKS TO PROGRAM I NOW DO
Thank you FT for this day's reading and your service!
I thought that by using those murderous weaponizing words, that I could some how reach my AH.
I learned with alcoholism, those "murderous words" are just that, they actually hurt the situation, because they cause even more guilt for the alcoholic and strife for the relationship as well.
Replacing those "murderous weapons" with tools of peace lead me to my serenity. Thank you Al Anon!
Blessings!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Great page, great reminders; thank you Free and contributors above for your service and ESH.
Before AlAnon I was so focused on the behavior of the A and others that I ignored my own conduct, tactics, and behavior. Underneath that was a disturbing reality: I saw myself as an innocent victim, the A and others as wrongdoers, and I with the justification and right, even obligation, to 'correct' them and their (as I perceived it) errant behavior.
I am so grateful to AlAnon for opening my eyes to my own poor behavior and understanding that I am just as ill as any I would try to control, correct, or adjust. I don't know what is best for myself so certainly don't know what is best for others. Only their HP knows, and has the right, and I need to stay out of the way.
The tools of the program are powerful and the results from using them infinitely better for all when I use them and the principals of the program...May I remember them today
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks FT for this wonderful passage and all the above shares. I guess out of frustration, hurt, resentment, and feeling helpless, before program I didn't know any other way to try and calm myself with the horrendous situation I was in. I became someone I didn't know or like, who tried any and all ways to get my A to stop drinking. I also became very sick and didn't see it at all! How destructive this disease is.
Life is so much better with program. I am happy much of the time and work hard not to be a bully. As others said, I don't have the answers. I need lots and lots of help and practice, ODAT. Lyne
Thank you FreeTime for your service!
I appreciate all of you who have shared your stories/feelings about this topic.
I too, became someone I didn't recognize. Lived most of my life with resentment and bitterness. My actual health suffered as well!
The tools of the program are indeed powerful (although I must admit, as a "newbie" I scoffed at most of them!).
I am grateful today to be able to recognize when I need to pick up a tool and use it!
TGIF all! Find something good about today and share it!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Friday MIP family! I too arrived full of self-will, ego and a 'winner' in the throw blame/shame game...I had huge denial that I was a part of the problem, and at times, felt false pride that I was part of the solution.
Of course, it all came crashing down as the disease is way stronger than I and I landed in recovery - much needed. Using all the tools, sponsor, steps, etc. I now can see that even with the best of intentions, I was a large part of the problem. Today, I am much better at practicing staying on my side of the street, focusing on my recovery and detaching when/as needed.
When I mind my own business and trust in the program and HP, all is well! We got icy roads in my world, so I spent the morning doing some cooking, cleaning and laundry! My two little guys are coming for a sleep over tomorrow night - looking forward to our play date! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It seems to me that we were all in the same boat at the start of the program with little or no experience with and in recovery. I came into Al-Anon resistant and rageful. I wasn't in my mind a victim I was a combatant and I hurt a lot of people before I understood the messages in the program. Thank you HP for the restraint and patience of the fellowship those who surrounded me with care and love. ((((hugs))))
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