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Post Info TOPIC: the LAST resort!!!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
Date:
the LAST resort!!!


Hi everyone!!!!

its been quite a ride since I was last here...

just one trial after another and it was starting to make me ill..The stress was eating me up and i was considering helping me outta this world because I am soooo tired and worn out from the unwanted side of life

I sat on the couch and I cried about 6 weeks ago, and had my keys in my hand,  dogs ready, and I was gonna take us out in the garage and load up the SUV with us in it and turn the key on and let go...permanently

As I contemplated this, I sat on the couch as you know, I lost my biggest client and half my income...THEN my most beloved dog, i had to PTS via the SHELTER because I had not the money to do it where I could hold her, have her cremated and keep her ashes....NO MONEY....so i had to drug her up and send her off to the pound and it still hurts my heart to think of it

anyway,  job potentials, last minute they wold not call to seal the deal....many interviews and ya know what??? I am bone tired of this stressful work...it just takes too much out of me, but what ELSE am I gonna do for desperately needed income????

anyway, I am on the couch and I am crying because to me this was it..no more suffering..no more stress, fear, not being able to support me in a meaningful way...i just had NO purpose..so i was gonna "do it"

as I cried, I said to God, if you are real and you give a diddley damn about me, now is the time because in an hour or so, I and my remaining pets are outta here...I'm DONE

well, I felt "something" come over me..Like this really peaceful energy and it was like being wrapped in a sort of blanket and i decided that "someone" musta heard me

I decided to " wait and see"

then I got on neighborhood web site and asked them "what LOVING non denominational churches do they know of??"  I just thought I wold give it a shot

I find one out of the over 100 responses I got and I fell in love with the place...I felt HP all over this place...both pastors are the greatest AND they have, Wed evenings a fac2fac survivors recovery group/meet after the CR service (celebrate recovery)

I told the pastors my past and how i hated God for all my life and that I didn't WANT to feel that way...non believer, I didn't WANT to not have an HP of my own...there was this hole in me and we talked a LOT these 2 wonderful guys and I...little by little as I got to know the folks,  (tomorrow I get my 30 day surrender/step 3 chip as I was baptised on Dec 15th)  and I am feeling, yea, finances still suck, but somehow I am OK..like I am OK   AND I am asking HP for another, easier means of support that does not take so much out of me

I want to do "love" work out of my church, comforting, giving my ESH to other , newbies in recovery, survivors and hugs and validation...I have so much to offer, I am finding...AND on Saturdays, a few of us go to the Senior citizen center and we play games with these really cute elderly folks,  they come up to me and touch my thick hair and tell me how cute I am, LOL....

its amazing how much light I can shine on so many people in this length of time...My church because things were so bad, gave me a $100 gift card to get me thru the holidays as my 2 remaining clients were not available....I am sooo grateful...thanks to that card, I ate reallly good during the holiday stretch

I know I have to wait for HP to stabilize my financial life and life in general..its hard to wait when my life has been a S*** sandwich w/out the bread, but hey!!!  I only just committed to step 3...the hardest step for me...but I know there is a power greater than I....I have my God as I understand him and I no longer mind the gender even tho I think the Creator, really, is purse spirit and its Jesus who is the male and I am good with that...I see him as I understand him..and it aint anything like what I was brought up with or told by others, who probably meant well, but I stand firm on step 2  , my HP AS I UNDERSTAND it and others can have their HP....

This church is really laid back.....pastor gave me  a recovery bible and its beautiful...a real treasure....

I am finding I can RELATE to people...hold up MY end of  a fac2fac conversation, I'm making friends, people LOVE me...when i see pastors, they hug me tight and tell me what a blessing I am to the church and the recovery and life point groups...its nice to hear that...Like I MATTER to folks...Didn't feel that way b4...Love was always conditional, VERY conditional, but not at this church...tomorrow we will have the CR service and then the fac2fac group and I will do my usual share if prompted by HP and then hang out after if anyone wants to hear some old timer ESH...and usually a girl or two does.....

its like I have a purpose now...I dont' just exist anymore, struggling to survive, doing my online recovery where you can't see, hear, smell, touch, HUG your mates, all cyberspace, I treasure MIP but I need more now....I need and am getting fac2fac CONNECTION....its awesome...

I figure HP has a job for me to do..spreading hope and hugs to the broken hearts so he has GOT to have SOMETHING in the oven for me re: stabilizing my financial life since I have no help but me.....I even told pastor I was seeking, perhaps another quiet, sober, of course, someone older who just wants to share my house with me and is SAFE.....I've tossed the energy out there....now its time to "step 3" it.....I don't want to work so much at this boring, meaningless work...I want to do something meaningful......again--Step 3...

Anyway, thats my update,  I hope life is treating you all very well.....

Thanks for reading me

 

Rosie/mamalioness



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Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1661
Date:

I do not believe we have communicated before, but I read your post and am so happy that your HP guided you to such a happy place in your life! Keep on working the program and sharing!!! Blessings to you!!

__________________

 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17200
Date:

((ROSIE))) Thanks for suxh an inspiring message missed you

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 879
Date:

(((Rose))) Thank you for your share. What an inspiring message. I always look forward to reading your shares, and I'm so glad you've found a supportive group of people close by!

__________________

Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1932
Date:

Rose,
We have communicated quite a lot by PM, but just before holidays I hadn't heard anything. I knew losing your precious fur-baby was a huge blow to you, but I did not know the depths to which you found yourself! When you told me about your baptism, I heard Hope in your voice!
This post is a wonderful testament that even when a person is at their lowest, all is not forsaken. You are not forsaken!

My favorite part of the post is perhaps the light and love you are sharing with your Church's congregation!! You are needing the F2F connection, and they are too!!! I am grateful that you paused and opened your heart to the possibilities...

Thank you for sharing your journey!

&

__________________

 

PnP - music & nature lover

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"I don't ask for much, I only want Trust... and you know it don't come easy." - Ringo Starr

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1005
Date:

Rose, of course they love you! Thank you for this inspiring talk of your journey. All the best to you

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 827
Date:

 

 

That is exactly how HP worked(s) with me Rose.  I reach out for help and then get sent somewhere or to someone that needs help and then HP says "Keep coming back".  We must have the same HP.  ((((hugs))))  awwwink



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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 908
Date:

Oh Rosie!

What great ;news.

I love that you went there seeking help and are a blessing to them, as well. Mutuality is a great thing!

Happy New Year! You are looking great and feeling the love.

Hugs,
Temple

__________________

It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2502
Date:

((((Rose)) Good to see you back with us. Sounds like you've made some positive new connections. Wishing you all the best in 2020. Odaat TT

__________________

Faith unsticks fear.



Veteran Member

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Posts: 64
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Oh wow what wonderful news! Even though you and I only know each other as posters on a board, YOU have given me an encouraging word and hope SO many times, I can't even begin to quantify how important your wisdom has been to me. Even when you weren't addressing me and addressing other posters, you were/are helping Me. I was just getting back on this board for the first time in several days, and this was the first post I'm reading, and I'm thrilled for you. Like, it is literally making My day better just knowing you have found such a nice place to be. I am so sorry that you found yourself in such a dark place before. I really hope things pick up for you regarding your clients and finances. I know that anybody in your F2F group is very fortunate to have you there.

Happy New Year. I hope it continues on an upward trajectory for you (and all of us!). :)

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Senior Member

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What a long hard road it is. The last recession in 2008 was a nail biter The stress of financial insecurity is enormous. I am so sorry you are struggling through it. I.do know well the pain of being suicidal. One of my neighbors committed suicide before Christmas. He had a misunderstanding Then he lost trust We are so lucky to be in a 12 step.fellowshop where we can always reach out. What a terrible tragedy. I have my.own series of stressful events and have had to lean hard into the fellowship One thing that is acceptable to me is radical acceptance. That is a hard one because my background is so troubled Raducal.acceptance gives me the wiggle room to work on ways to make my sitiation better. The more I struggle against accepting the harder I make it for.myself. Acceptance is the beginning For some of.us Christmas and the holidays are a big trigger because we did not get families. I have had to work so hard to make Christmas unimportant to.naheitnbe not a devastating time for me. I.an so sorry you had to struggle through it. I know you have done so.much work on yourself. Look how far you have come you are no longer dealing with an enmeshed situation. You only have your own situation to deal with. I am so grateful to not be enmeshed up to my.ears in someone elses' business. I thought that was companionship and love but really self love was entirely absent from.my life at the time. You could have tahen that troute of hooking up with someone to try to help.you.out. You chose to stand on your own because you have immense courage and resilience. You have ridden through so many hurdles and managed so many obstacles. This is just another one. After a time you will get through this too. I know you will because you have thst iron will that carried you through so much already. Your spectacular recovery speaks for itself. I hope now it is post holiday.and less triggering you will come back and update us. Recovery in so.many ways gets harder because we take on harder topics. We become willing to.address the realy hard stuff. We stop looking for diversions. Yiu are right there in the middle of this speaking your truth and that requires immense courage You are such a valued and treasured member of this group. So are your amazing sweet pampered dogs. Please know that and know you are always held in love and reverence in this special place Maresie

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1624
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hey family!!! THANKS so much, ALL of you for encouraging me.........finances are still a disaster, but nothing BAD is happening either....

I absolutely LOVE my church..I go to the Christian care center for seniors needing assisted living and play games with them on Saturdays...I act like a goof ball and get the room laughing and cutting up and when i got sick with a bad cold and missed 2 Saturdays, they were asking pastor, WHERE IS ROSIE?? WE MISS HER...it felt good

I chaired last weeks recovery meeting and we had a great one...3 newbies really opened up and got love and support from the rest of us

so yea, I am just Trying to make ends meet...so far, I am being protected by HP because no set backs, so SO FAR, I am hanging in there.......No sign of a roommate and i had a REAL test 2 weeks ago....

this nice, clean cut little lady who teaches the kids at our church needs a place to share...I thought "this was it" and she comes in and is counting the cob webs and saying, "i'll take down the drapes and we can wash these walls, and yada yada" and I am looking at her and I asked her "Oh, are you the health department or are you looking for a home to rent share?????"

she sorta backed off and began to "push" me to make the decision to take her...I told her I was not sure, need to pray more about this, I said I was uncomfortable about her total lack of any positives about my cute lil place, but yea, noticing every cob web that is over my head and "yea, them things don't eat much anyway, so why bother em????"

THEN she asks me "when did you last get the ducts cleaned and when did you last clean out the dog crates????"

I told her my memory only goes back 20 years on non important S*** and as to the kennels, my dogs do their own housekeeping....

I told her that she needed to either find a newer home, or perhaps try a hospital..I hear they dust pretty regular at those places

it was a disappointment but what the hell..Imagine if I had let her in with HER issues...talk about demanding...it would be like putting a female hyena in the den with a lioness....So i turned her and her $500 down flat....

so far not even a smell of a roommate or a nice client as of yet, but oh I had a "temporary" doozie of a client for a 2 visit stint before I had to stand up for me again

visit #1 went OK, thought maybe I could work with him...

visit #2, hes 1/2 hour late THEN (this was at my library as it was pre-agreed that his office was too far away and this was the only way I could update his books) anyway, he shows up 1/2 hour late..I ask the librarian can she verify for me that I was "here at 11 am sharp" she validates me and HE wants a private , door closed room.....then we get the room, its 11:45 now...THEN he is farting around with his laptop and MORE waiting....its on a Wed. , I got my recovery meet at the church, FINALLY we get to work at 12 noon

at 4pm, I tell him I am done..need to go, church tonight.....he says he is gonna pay me from 12 to 4..I say "WAIT a minute...I was here at 11 am, ready to fly and YOU were late, YOU wanted to get a private room, and YOU take 15 minutes to get your lap top going, and YOU are gonna dock ME for THAT?????"

we get into arguement so he pays me for 30 min, shorting me by 30 minutes....i tell him give me my danged check,, I am outta here

i go to church and you could see the steam coming out of my ears...Pastor comes over to hug me and I think I scalded him with my being so burning mad...he asks me "whats up?? you look mad" so i tell him and he is like "WOW!! that is SO wrong"

i wait till the check clears, i verify with my bank that it is cleared...funds are mine

and i send this yayhooo a text telling him that he can find someone else because my experience with him was neither happy or healthy and I don't do business like that...I am very strict about fairness and good ethics, neither of wich he showed me and I am DONE!!!! I will not consider finishing his books........i hit the send button and thanked HP and this program for boundaries

so yea, I am at square one...a regular MAY need to see more of me because he is upgrading his software and needing changes in his whole office that I can do all of it..so I might see a bit more of him.....

I rescued a kitty from the folks up the street who are 6 months behind on mortgage and the home owner, my used to be handyman would rather drink $365 worth of beer each month then try to pay his mortgage...the old lady who rents from him was pestering me to take HER in as roommate but I lovingly told her that she needs assisted living, which I cannot provide as I work, have my church and she needs the nursing home help that ALL of us who know her have suggested....she tries to guilt me, manipulate me, and all that and I just say "NO...CANT do it" I told her that if she doens't stop pestering me , I will detach and not visit her so much....take your choice...I love our visits, but if she is going to try and guilt/manipulate me, I WILL detach and distance myself........so she has backed off

she is a lovable thing, but her health needs are WAY over my head............AND their house is sooo Roach infested that when I leave there, I have to jump up and down like some spastic frog on a hot side walk to shake any possible "hitchhikers" off me...I mean that house is literally walking with the roaches....it will never collapse due to being uncared for as the roaches will hold it up.....

she gave me a nice little lap top and some real cute beanie toys and I left ALL of them outside to drive any critters away, THEN put thru the washer the beannies (not the lap top, tho tempted) i did check the lap top for hitch hikers and didn't find any, b ut to be sure, I locked it in a very good lap top case and put 20 mule team borax all over the outside of the case....anything tries to get past that barrier, insect wise, will DIE!!!!!

yea, I am still here and trying to fight off the stress....at seniors bible study, I ate TWO full plates of berry cobbler, apple pie, choc/mint cookies to die for , I had a sugar high for 2 days!!!!! other than that, I am taking good care of me, working out, running 3 mi. at least 5x per week and working my program.....

Thanks for reading me

__________________

Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1559
Date:

((((Rosie))))

What an Inspiring Story of Recovery, and Hope...

You have Come Such a Long way My Friend and I'm So Glad to Here that Even thru the Downs you are Still Hitting those Ups!

I have been Absent Myself for Quite sometime, so when I Seen this Pop up I Had to See how Our Rosie was Doing, and I'm So Glad to here that HP Lead you to a "Safe" Space and Gave you what you needed in the Faith Dept.

So Glad your Here

Jozie

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Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1932
Date:

Hi Rosie!

I am glad to hear that you are taking care of YOU!

As for the roommate, I am finding that the more "hands-off" I become, the more of what I need just pops into my life... when I need it! So in your case, I believe the right person will come along. Probably when you least expect it!

Kudos on the awesome work-out regiment!

&

__________________

 

PnP - music & nature lover

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"I don't ask for much, I only want Trust... and you know it don't come easy." - Ringo Starr

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 908
Date:

Oh my Goodness, Rosie--

Girl, I think you'd be okay if you just learned to assert yourself. Insert grinning, winking Emoji.

Bless heart! People can be incredible, can't they? You are so good at setting boundaries! And it doesn't take you much time at all to figure out when somebody has breached one.

Here's hoping the extra hours with the long-time client come about. Glad you got paid for most of your time. Prayers that the touch times are behind you soon. Today would be good.


Hugs,
Temple



__________________

It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
Date:

WOW all these great responses...feels good to be back

Debb---Blessings to you too, my friend

Betty---(((Betty))) Missed you big time--I had soo much to work thru, had to just hunker down and do it

Skorpi---and I love to read you as well..You always teach me something real good

PNP---Love "pm'ing" with you and fac2face is helping me big time--all my life I was starved of love/affection/attention
and I am getting it FINALLY at this wonderful church..It makes a difference

Jill--- Thank you so much for stopping by

Jerry---(((Jerry))) yea, our HP's most likely are related, LOL, yours seems alwfully familiar, haha

Temple---My good friend...yea, learning how to reach out and not be sooo independent, isolating has really helped

tiredtonight---((((TT)))) thanks for warm welcome back...missed a lot of you

Fedora---What an awesome thing to say to me..I am soo happy you like my posts..it feels so good to find out I have
helped someone

Maresie---So good to see you..yea, 2008 changed my life for the bad, financially, but I've managed tohang in there
till recently when things REALLY went down when company closed....you are so RIGHT about acceptance
resisting and fighting it only brings more resistance, so I decided to just LET GO..let the chips fall where
they may and I'll either make it or I won't...can't do anything anyway, so why fight it

Jozie---(((((Jozie))))) Hey lil friend, glad to see YOU as well...and talk about growth--I've seen you over the years
do just that....love seeing you...

PNP---Your wisdom never fails to hit me where I need to be hit...completely letting go the roommate thingy..tho it
would enable to me to slow down a bit and not have to do this stressful, boring, (don't like it) bookkeeping,
i cannot FORCE a roommate to plop in my lap AND it has to be something HP intended or it wont' work, so again
I have to "step 3" it and just LET IT GO...the more I try to "make things happen" the more resistence I get, so
put the request "out there" and drop it....It would be, in my mind, the easiest way for me to be able to slow
down...bookkeeping is too stressful and draining for me ...I notice this past year, 1/2 day of that crap and I have
to shut down and rest , however when I am doing my church recovery and senior citizen love work, I am not
tired and stressed and needing to shut down....doing my love work does not tire me at all....so PLEASE HP , if it
is right, send me the perfect roommate so i can SLOW down and do stuff that is pleasing and not so draining
and YES...I am going to take my hands off

Temple--- Oh yea, I reeeely need to work more on my boundaries, HAHAHA....You are so funny, I love reading your
responses to me and your posts....I send you prayers of good health, love and peace all the time




I hope I caught everyone, to give you the thanks and love from my heart...so many great responses........had to stop for a minute..one of the dogs decided to throw up her breakfast on her sleep towel as I was thanking everyone...oh yea.....the beat goes on....weather is getting ready to take a turn for the worst, so I am off to do errands and get in before the rain and temperatures fall.....I'm working Friday, hes nice and pays me what I ask for and so that will be some good $$ for me to pay down this discover card where I charged my home/car insurance......

two of you mentioned taking my hands off...letting go, letting God and that is HP talking to me..."seeee I told you , you need to LET GO--LET ME" I just get so tired of waiting, but really, in all fairness to HP, I only decided to REALLY surrender all this garbage in early December...I have to give HP time to find me my solutions and lead me to them......I'm getting older and this bookkeeping work just drains me, I have to focus and concentrate so hard and office environments are not my cuppa tea, so I get home from 4-6 hours work and I am "done in" for the rest of the day and into the next with this GAD and PTSD....so I'm "step 3'ing" my life, literally to HP to find another, easier way for me to support me....I notice when I try to make things happen, it all goes down the toilet...so do my request..do my part, like tell people, advertisse (only looking for roommate through the church for safety reasons, like hopefully pastor knows them, etc) but anyway, TAKE MY HANDS OFF----QUIT trying to force outcome.....its soooo hard when I am sooo needing of relief

I am off to do errands , i am so delighted to see the great responses here from so many good folks..........

Love n hugs and I HOPE I did not miss a thank you to a lovely soul who bothered to let me know I am loved and missesd....

I will try my best not to be so on again off again.....from Aug to Dec. I was in such a dark place...I was considering helping me out of this world as I was just sick and tired of the struggle an getting no where....then i found this church and some love and hugs and acceptance, etc...so maybe God has something good for me because I have so much good in my heart to give, but when your panicking about "am I going to make it?? support me???" its hard to give when you are lying on the emotional and mental ground, wondering if you even want to get up and try again....

GRATEFUL ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to all of you for your warm welcomes....................gotta run pick up my meds......dogs are crossing their legs, they need the restroom and I got to see if I can find some kitty toys at a thrift shop or goodwill..........i rescued this charmer who is "in my face" with so much love.....

__________________

Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



Senior Member

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I work pretty long hours these days to be ahead of my Bill's. For a a while now I have been dealing with the issue of relocating because my apartment building is being rennovated. Eventually I chose to go stay with friend. I am two weeks in and it has been a nightmare all the way. So yeah I do relate very very much to the nightmare parts of what can happen I am one month off returning to my apartment and guess this it may not be rennovated that much. The flooring may not be replaced after all that Putting all your things in storage. In my case two storages because of a long catastrophic story Working long hours when I am extremely sick Lost my voice got a nasty cough and yes I did end up taking a few day s off but it was never enough to really feel well I go to.my friends house and it is extremely uncomfortable. The bed he has is horrible The place is dirty he did not even bother to clean up and he is the same obnoxious person but now he is.not drinking. So he.is on a dry drunk Nevertheless I keep plugging away. One of my jobs is something I want to get away from. However I have laryngitis. It is impossible to interview with laryngitis In most certainly relate to the idea of people not being very thoughtful I am.real sick. Does the roommate who I have given money to say hey can I get you anything? Nope Do any if my bosses say hope you feel better ? Nope I can relate very much to your struggle I just keep on keeping on. On Thursday I will have get somewhere with the nightmare that the storage will become Meanwhile because of this move/relocation everything is on hold I am not putting anything else on my plate That is one thing I am clear of and being a.natural born caretakers I do not take on any more when my plate is full 8 years with the ex A taught me that. Every week he served up.a a new disaster My friend who I am.staying with clearly has many problems. I do not pick up the bait. I clean nothing. I cleaned his house plenty in the past. I swore I would not do.it if I stayed with him again He is always needling about something and this time I am really clear that I will not give into it. Remember I only have a other 5 weeks here The temptation to give into a resentment festival is overwhelming I definitely resented the ex A for years after I left him Practicing radical.acceptance is hard Being mired in resentment is harder Going with the flow is pretty difficult. I long for my bed my apartment where everything is at hand. Most of all.my privacy Nevertheless I know staying with my friend was a better option than the hotel Life is truly an uphill battle sometimes I know detaching and setting limits is so essential for.me I set a lot of limits on my energy and my goals Nevertheless there are Bill's. Bill's that come around at this time of year. Being able to pay them is important. I budgeted hard to afford this transition. Nevertheless it is extremely uncomfortable. Moving back to my apartment will be a lot easier but I have to make an effort to pace.myself. Pacing and setting goals is so.key When I get settled back in my apartment I will look for another job. Moreover long term I will look for a better environment. I had no control over this relocation and.it has been extraordinarily difficult. January was a very difficult month I just have to get through February and hear up.for March Right now I do not even have a firm date when I will banking back In theory thus house is so uncomfortable I want to fly out the window and camo on my floor. However.I know.where it gets me when I make rash decisions I also.know that it is too hard to be in an.apartment surrounded by boxes. It is better to have some emotional.space But my impulse is to just scream blue murder about how hard this is. Life is truly hard going sometimes. Some days it is just one next step after another. They add up. I.am.at least 5 weeks out to having some measure of comfort and that is truly hard. But 5 weeks is achievable Maresie

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~*Service Worker*~

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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Maresie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Oh what a nightmare!! living with someone who do NOT want to be around....IF I get a roommate, I will be verrrrrry careful and pray a LOT for HP's will b4 I do it..........I am glad you can get out and get your own flat back....I would rather live in partially renovated flat then a bad roommate.....

and yea, I so relate....making one step after another....just one step at a time...yep...they add up......and yea, 5 weeks will go quicker than no end in site, for sure

its freezing cold today here in Tx..winter finally decided to pay a visit...grateful I am warm and dry.....and yea, I have done LOTS of good energy, sown good seed..so HP MUST have a plan for me, its just taking longer than I had hoped.....step 3 heeeeeere I am.....

__________________

Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



Senior Member

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Posts: 224
Date:

Well it is not an option to live in the apartment during the rennovation The issue is ny friend used to drive me to deep despair. His house is certainly uncomfortable but I am not in the same space anymore Technically I have another month of this. A month is workable I.chose to go to his house because I would have a back yard there for the dog Besides living with someone who mb did zero to mahe he feel at home I had a nightmare situation with the storage. That will be resolved tomorrow partly anyway We all have our nightmares. January was a very challenging month fir me. Nightmares come and go. We can work our program through them My challenges will not end when I go back to my apartment I will be looking for a new job then And remember on top of all those challenges I got real sick and lost.my voice completely. Hard times do come along for some of us The more I work.my program the better it is for me Maresie

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1624
Date:

"hard times do come along for some of us. The more I work my program the better it is for me"

yea, I think hard times do seem to hit others more than some, but we never know another person's story till we walk in their shoes...I don't feel like a victim, just tired of this struggle, but like you say above...the more I work my program, particularly the LETTING GO part, the better it is for me as well

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Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME



Senior Member

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Posts: 224
Date:

I certainly feel like a victim somedays but I no longer act like one I have been on my own for a few years now. Being self reliant is tough going The individual who I am staying with now used to be all over my business. He would tell me he felt sorry for me regularly. I allowed him to pulverize me in the past Now I am a different person. I barely speak to him. I ceetainly do not share my troubles with him .. I stopped speaking to one of my neighbors last week because he insulted me I am no longer a push over . But right now life is one big uphill struggle and it will be like that for another month.. Tomorrow I get some of ny items from a storage company who totally ruined my week two weeks ago. They cannot mahe right what they did but by tomorrow they will not have my belongings. I will Making all this happen us really t ij mb e consuming and draining. But every next step leads to a place of greater freedom Sometimes we have to go through some real hard times to get there . Maresie

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Senior Member

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Posts: 224
Date:

Just to let you know I managed to get the storage issue resolved Then I received some more bad news. I will not be able to return to my apartment until April. That is earthshaking for me Hard times all round. That means Inwill ve able to meet some of my other goals but I will be living out of a suitcase for another month. That is hard to deal with Maresie

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