The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This year I wanted to focus on Tradition 5, in a healthy way.
In the drinking situation we are often forced to make sacrifices. Only by talking things through, do we become aware of the extent of this.
And this natural approach to an unnatural situation helps form our personality.
I do need to serve myself first. To make sure i am properly dressed and fed. That I sleep well. And that I have good regular time with friends and family.
Ok, so that did seem impossible at the beginning! ...
I learned to be present, and mindful- to live one day at a time, and one moment at a time.
I cannot save the world- at least, not in one day! I must join with many others to do this.
I still want to rid the world of the scourge of addiction and alcoholism. a good and healthy focus for my anger!
And first things first- charity does begin at home.
Service -- such a great topic. It is so important to "let it begin with me" and make sure I am taking proper care of myself.
At one time, I had that anger and fear towards alcohol and anyone who consumed it. I wished I did not have to see it anywhere. Then I remembered that in the United States, in the 1920s, we had Prohibition. It did not work. It just drove the alcohol into hiding -- the same thing that happened in my home when I thought I was controlling alcohol there. So I realized my powerlessness. If the government of an entire country could not stop alcohol, then I could not.
You've probably heard of Carrie Nation, the woman who went around smashing saloons with a hatchet. I can understand how she felt -- but her strategy didn't work either.
What I can do is offer comfort and suggestions to others like me who have been affected by someone's drinking. So that is where I put my focus, and I find Al-Anon service very satisfying. I can also support organizations that do scientific research into alcoholism and addiction.
David, what a great topic for discussion! I was thinking about how can I give back? Not only to say thank you to my HP for guiding me to Al Anon and MIP, but to share what I have learned with others who are affected by alcoholism as well. I find that I need to feel confident in my knowledge before I open my mouth so have been doing much research on the subject of what alcohol actually does to the mind and body and the types of people who have a tendency to have addictive personalities. There is so much to learn and I will never profess that I've learned everything, at any given time. Also, I need to feel confident that I have completed, to the best of my ability, all the steps and do the daily readings as well, for me it is important that I not be a hypocrite. It seems that, I have learned as of late, that not only is AH an alcoholic but possesses much narcissistic characteristics, which is why just detaching has not been enough. I can honestly say, that at times I feel so completely and utterly duped, then in the same moment know that HP would not abandon me. That is what I want to share, how to get to that mindset that, on a daily basis when you think you hit a new low, that is the time you have to take that personal inventory of the best you are and know in your heart that you are loved and watched over.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thank you David for the awesome topic! What I know about service today is different than what I knew yesterday. It's my hope and prayer that I just keep growing, changing and evolving as that's part of what makes the journey fresh.
Self-care was foreign to me when I came. I spent the majority of my energy doing for others. And, it was not without intent - my motives were far from pure. I did for others, keeping score so they would do for me, or better yet - maybe change in the way I thought they should. Extremely selfish, self-serving way to be, with the best of intent!
I truly believe that I can't serve others well if I am not fit. This applies to unconditional love, acceptance, etc. If I am not spiritually fit, my motives are often not pure - whether it's love, service, acceptance, etc. I spent a ton of time in step work with my sponsor focusing on me, just me. Each time I wanted to lash out at the disease, the diseased, another person, place, institution, thing, my sponsor brought me right back to 'me'. Why do I feel as I do? Why am I giving my power away to another person, place, thing? Why do I pull on the past to assess the present? Why, when faced with an issue, do I immediately project into the future? Over and over and over again - my sponsor used the steps and tools to help me understand me, my patterns, my motives, my actions, reactions, etc.
So - regarding service - I was fortunate to retire before 40 (my life long goal) and thus had time to give back. And I did. I volunteered for a variety of different organizations, and was actually 'working' more than 40 hours a week for free! Enter my ego, anyone who would listen and many who didn't care to heard about it. I tooted my horn until I got bored with it all, then complained about it. I was not spiritually centered - thus I was looking for a return on my investment, not realizing the return was the satisfaction of just being of service.
Today, I am very active in recovery. I lead meetings, I sponsor others, I give rides, I organize informal gatherings, I donated money for a new parking lot, I purchase books for the jails, etc. I do a ton. I only do what I am able to do and do not overextend. I try to remain anonymous whenever possible to keep my ego in check and I am learning that the gift of a smile, an open door, a right-of-way to another driver, a compliment, etc. are almost worth much, much more than 'other'. I am a huge fan of RAAOK - Random, Anonymous Acts Of Kindness...we do that here often, for no reason.
So - service doesn't have to be huge, noteworthy or extremely time-consuming. A kind word, a friendly face, a smile is golden in my mind! I am cautious about formal service positions right now simply because I have aging parents in another state, and have my life set up to just 'go' if needed at the drop of a hat.
Great topic - love and light to all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When get on an airplane...and they do the emergency/flight safety instructions...what do they tell you to do if there is a loss of cabin pressure and you need to use the oxygen masks, and you are traveling with a child or someone who needs assistance?
They tell you to place the mask on YOURSELF FIRST...and then HELP THE OTHER PERSON.
Gee, I wonder why? LOL.
Actually, there are very specific scientific and medical reasons why you do this.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Thanks for the shares in here. I can relate with a lot.
I had to kind of pause on the "serve myself" concept there for a bit. I believe I get the idea that it's meant to be self care. Make sure my basic needs are met and that I'm being loving and kind to myself.
I have the danger, however, of dipping into being self-serving, as IAH mentioned. I am quite guilty of that, too. For me that usually looked like manipulating others and circumstances to get what I want which often came at the expense of both my serenity and the other person's. Or sometimes it looked like completely checking out and being emotionally unavailable. It's a fine line that I tread, and why it's important that I have regular discussions with my sponsor and get myself to meetings.
I was also reminded of the quote from Carl Jung "What you resist persists."
I am always hesitant of putting myself on a mission to eliminate issues that are so, so much larger than me. The reason I needed Al-Anon was because of that very thing - I wanted others to change so I could finally feel okay. I feel like attempting to control others and outside circumstances is one of the quickest ways I can lose myself and yank myself as far away from self care as possible. I'm back to focusing "out there" when I need to practice acceptance, letting go and letting God and keeping my little corner of the world clean from my twisted thinking.
Let it begin with me, instead, and I can set examples of kindness and compassion in the face of their opposites.
...