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Post Info TOPIC: Patterns


Senior Member

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Patterns


I was reading on line and I just had a thought cross my mind and wanted some feedback. When it comes to dating, I noticed I pick men who are loners, no friends, no close friendships. They are often alone and disconnected from family.  It could be because they destroyed those relationships but I seem to be attracted to them. Its like " I can save you, and be your one and only friend" Yes I know my picker is broken but thinking back, all my relationships, consisted of men who who have no friends they spend time with. No sponsors, nothing. I become their company. I find this draining and I get clingy myself. Its like I am the only one in their lives that make it worth while, their only best friend. I am finding it limiting. I never noticed before as I was constantly in crisis after crisis. Yes, I pick the needy and broken ones. 

Thanks for letting me share!        



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~*Service Worker*~

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Hey Joker - great to see you! I too had a broken picker and what I learned through tons of self inventorying is until I learned to love myself, I attracted unhealthy people. When I got better/healthy, so did my picker. Since I've been married for 28 years, I am speaking of friends, family, etc. What I discovered for me was my picker was broken beyond dating/intimacy - I tended to attract unhealthy friends/co-workers/etc...

Happy New Year!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Joker, thank you for sharing. In working Step 4, I had the opportunity to think about my own patterns. Gaining self-insight has been so helpful. It takes a weight off my shoulders because now I can see what I was doing wrong, and thinking wrong. It shows me what I need to change so I can do better.

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~*Service Worker*~

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GREAT AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE.   i WOULD ask hp for guidance and listen carefully



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Great post Joker;  one that brings back memories of inventories and change; what it was like then and how it is now.  One of the suggestions for change my sponsor take and taught me was, "Now do the opposite".  Keep coming back (((hugs))). aww



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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you for posting your thoughts, Joker. It shows great self-awareness!

Wishing you all the best for you in 2020!

&

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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Joker I sent a PM happy holidays :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop



~*Service Worker*~

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How phenomenal you can see the attraction Recently I was around someone who gave me a sib story about problems he had had. When I.noticed ny.attraction I could stop and say #heyz# and not act on it Awareness is a big first. I lost a valuable friendship over ky.constant attraction. My friend told me she could not hear it anymore These days I am not in crisis all the time but I do get swamped. Januaru is a tough month for me. It will be hard going but that is different from a crisis Maresie

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~*Service Worker*~

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Oh yes - I always had that insane delusion that I'll be the special someone in someone's life who shows them they can be loved when no one else loves them. I also had the insane delusion that bad boys would be good just for me because I was just that special.

I agree with IAH - my relationships started getting better when I started loving and respecting myself. It's still a work in progress, for sure. But now if I find myself in the company of red-flaggers I tend to try to part ways with them quickly now instead of holding on and hoping that maybe, just maybe, they'll change for me.

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