The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my last post I asked for advice and many of you said that you do not give advice here. I think that isn't quite true. Through the strength you show through your writing you are in a way giving advice saying, "i can get through it...so can you".
One of the replies to my last post gave me a pretty good idea of what i should do. And last night i very calmly told him, "if you are going to drink, that's ok. I can't stop you, but I only ask one thing. Don't come home. it will save a lot of arguments." he agreed and he seems to finally be understanding what his drinking does to those around him. I'm not getting my hopes up. but at least it's a start.
I know that alcoholics can beat the disease, I've watched my brother do it. I was too young to really know what was going on with him but he's managed to raise his 4 boys and his wife, who is incredible has stuck by him. Growing up I asked him why he didn't drink at family parties and he simply said, "I'm allergic". He hasn't had a drink since the early 80's. (just for clarification my brother is about 25 years older then me)
i'm leaving my current A (my live in boyfriend) in two months and I have every faith in the world that he'll get through it somehow. His main problem is that he's from Ireland and when he goes home his parents actually start to verbally attack him for not drinking. a part of me wants to stay in London just to make sure he's ok. But i know, I have to take care of me first. I am young, and I don't want to waste this time. thank you all for your support.
Good job focusing on you. It's not that you don't care about your boyfriend, but you are learning how to detach with love.
We try not to give advice here, because how many people actually would take it? lol But more importantly we are not in your shoes. We aren't living with your A and we are not you. So how could we tell you what you should and should not do. Those decisions have to come from you and within you. All we can do is tell you about our experiences, good and bad. For instance, my hubby is a chronic relapser. But I do see progress. That gives me hope. He bought a bottle yesterday and told me about it. Problem was he couldn't find it. So he didn't drink, and was in completely dry when I came home. This morning he found it and drank some. Oh well. Now he's sleeping and I am here taking care of me. His recovery has to be about him, and mine has to be about me. Both roads are bumpy, but somewhere we will come out the other side.
Good luck to you and your boyfriend. I hope you realize that just because you are leaving him, that doesn't mean that you don't love him. He's lucky to have you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Do you have any Alanon literature? Courage today deals with advice. :)
an exerpt: "In Alanon we don't make anyone's choices for them, but we do offer a different kind of advice.....This kind of advice helps us to find answers we can live with."
In the middle it speaks of getting to meetings, getting a sponser, steps, slogans and traditions. Your right it in a way it is advice, but the only advice really is what you personally cull from each others shares. It's what worked or didn't work for us. It might or might not work for you.
Welcome to MIP and welcome to Alanon. Ok, maybe this is advice, but it's also a slogan. LOL Keep coming back ! {{{hanna}}
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
