The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
... we live 50 mins away from a popular international resort. For that reason we sometimes had international AA or Alanon members speaking at our assemblies held there. [And, I expect some were also double winners! ]
One speaker got up- and what a silver tongue! Most speakers would have a favourite akronym, or aphorism to put a bit of sparkle into their ESH.
At the time I still had this farm-boy mentality- and felt that I could never ever achieve that. But at the same time I made up my own little line of patter- just in case I had the oppertoonity!
I went from the paralysis of analysis, to an attitood of gratitood...!
That was my line, really. and so it happened to be.
I love being a member of this group- because it has a real "big city" feel to it. With all walks of life represented.
i was always a scrawny little kid- until I was 18 or 19 too. And this didn't help neither! ...
I was reflecting on the shares this morning- and was impressed with the boldness. And with the depth and breadth of the topic.
We get readings here- from all three of our readers. Some readings are familiar, and others I often see in a new light.
Some of my sharing here probably reflects the fact that I have been reading this literature, for four decades [in 2022, that is].
Ah gee- it almost comes out of the pores of my skin now- ...
But now my mind is clear- much of the time- it IS time for me to pass it on a bit more. leading by example.
i was reading this morning about one of the main characteristics of the disease- being perfectionism... and some family members acquire this trait as well. My game plan next year is to pass it on a bit more... [Trad 5...]... and getting more into these topics is really fruitful.
Would you be willing to mention by name the readings on Perfectionism? I have always "suffered" from that. My curiosity was piqued when you said it was a "main characteristic" of the disease. I am guessing the "disease of co-dependency?"
I have never had a problem with alcohol (or any drug), but that Perfectionism demon can really undo me sometimes!
Thank you!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I wanted to say that I appreciate all the different points of view expressed here. The 3 readers are super, and all the members that are willing to share daily help me grow. (Better late than never!)
My tale was not trying to be perfect. I was so damaged in childhood that I felt hopeless and unworthy. My path has been to become a person I could love and respect, and with program that has happened. Grateful member, Lyne
Th eternal of Alanon teaching on perfectionism- is in the slogan- "Progress not Perfection".
I looked in Hope For Today- and the topic comes up in 11 readings. I am sure the otters readers are similar.
Striving for perfection, people pleasing, and codependency- seem to come in the same passage.
I have some thoughts that fear of abandonment might be the source of perfectionism. As I learn to practise self-care, and putting myself first in a healthy way this anxiety will diminish.
here is a typical reading on the topic:
Progress, Not Perfection
Many of us have grown up with certain standards of perfection, whether they are related to household chores, school work, or perhaps even social life. Grocery stores offer us stan- dards by which we measure this peach against that one, or one cleaning product against another, and so on.
We look for the most perfect of every- thing; however, no 12-Step program en- courages perfection as a goal, except for the first step. In explaining how the program works, we use the phrase progress, not perfection. Continuously striving for perfection can be a nerve-wracking way of life for us, and for those who should be meeting our standards.
For most of my life I rejected the idea that I might be a perfectionist; a close friend once gave me a book entitled Perfect Daughters of Perfect Fathers. I knew I wasnt perfect, so I never read it. I just kept striving for perfection, and missing the mark.
It was in my treatment program that perfectionism looked me in the eyes. Near the end of the program, each individual goes home for two weeks to put the AA program into practice in real life. Before I went home, I was asked to make out a schedule as to how Id spend the time and I had thought there wouldnt be a test! Well, Id show them. Id do it perfectly!
I made a schedule for every half hour of the two weeks. As I waited for my accolades for a job well done, I was nervous; maybe the schedule wasnt perfect. Well, it was very gently given back to me. I only needed to include the significant things I was to do, like find meetings, get a sponsor, etc. No one wanted to know that Id be reading the newspaper at 8:45 a.m. each morning. Perfectionism made me tense, unsure, and afraid of mistakes; if you had to relate with me, I probably made you feel the same way!
In AA, NA, Al-Anon and all the recovery programs, we say progress, not perfection. Oh, what a relief it is! Who needs all that anxiety, tension, fear? We have a lot of sayings in our programs. Another one is It (the program) works if you work it. That, for me, is related to progress versus perfection. No one says the program works if I master it, nor do I have to get an A every day in every way for everything.
I just try to relax, turn over my concerns to God, and listen. God speaks through prayer, program reading, meetings, my sponsor, and many other ways. I need to listen. I may be responsible for a certain task, but I am not responsible for the outcome. It helps me a great deal if I say the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Then I need to recognize that I am not perfect but I have made progress, and with Gods help, I will continue to make progress.
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