The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I told my husband about starting to go to celebrate recovery and AA meetings. I also told him about my meetings with my counselor/psychologist. I told him that i wasnt going to enable his drinking anymore. That I would go with him to dinner if he was going to order an alcoholic drink or go to any bars/clubs. I also told him that i was done drinking as well...even though i might have a glass of wine a week i told him that i was done...that the alcohol in the house was going to be gotten rid of. He got very upset and is going to take me off of his insurance. Well all that im going to have left is the AA and Celebrate Recovery meetings. He says that the counselor is "putting a wedge in our relationship" I tried to tell him that his drinking was what was putting a wedge in our relationship but he refuses to admit that. I was finally starting to get a handle on my frustrations by starting to go to meetings and the counselor and now he takes one away. He doesnt understand that if he takes me off of the insurance means that i wont have any coverage at all. He also got upset with me today because ive decided to have a life again...i went with my sister in law and niece to disney on ice and wasnt home when he got home...even though he knew where i was and what i was doing he said that im "getting to independent" and that i am "getting ready to leave" him.
Of course as usual he passed out drunk on the couch again. I wish he would understand just how much his drinking has come between us. Its frustrating that his alcohol has made him like this. I love him very much...but i miss the man i first met and married.
It sounds like you are doing what you should.. Taking care of YOU... I read alanon books and visit this board daily, i too have gone to alanon f2f meetings and celebrate recovery. My husband GOT furious when he found out.. They worry about us getting STRONG, they like us weak and wimpy its easier for them that way. Because of Alanon I have become a new person, i am really trying to let go !! it is really hard, because for me it is new..
Removing you from the insurance is probably a threat just a way to pound his chest.. Dont let that take the focus off of YOU... You are doing what is best for YOU.. Post often, read as much as you can to understand the disease, and TAKE TIME FOR YOU !!
You didnt CAUSE it You cant CONTROL it You cant CURE it
Congratulations on finding ways to release your frustration and find some peace in your life. It's hard work and well worth it.
My A also reacts negatively at times to decisions I make to better my life. Change is as hard for him as it is for me. I've heard the "so independant" thing and the "you're preparing to leave" thing numerous times. I try to remember those are his fears, and have learned that nothing I say can change his fear. In case your husband is serious about dropping the insurance maybe you could get a quick appointment with your counselor or even a phone call, explain what may happen. Sometimes they know of free or low cost alternatives? Before I had insurance I was able to see a counselor for only a dollar more than my 20% now.
I wish you the best, and take care of yourself. <big hug>
Just like it's scary for us to face change, I believe it's scary for an A to face change as well. Your moving out of his comfort zone. You are becoming independent and your own person by working on you. It is threatening.
Sounds like you are making some positive steps.
As for the insurance, like it was said, A's say alot of things. Also some companies only allow changes in benefits during open enrollment or life changes (aka death, divorce) so you may have it for awhile.
I try to worry less about controlling the things I can't control.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
