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Post Info TOPIC: Can this relationship last?


Veteran Member

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Can this relationship last?


Is it at all possible for a non drinker & a alcoholic to continue a relationship?


I started drinking at 16. I drank booze for  28 years. we would chug beer, I drank  wine, & liquor. We were underage but older people would buy it for us every wekend. A gallon between 4 or 10 people.  When I first got together with my now sig other, we did not drink. If we did we would get the non alcoholic beer. We  would make everyone else  laugh at her  sisters parties. the drinking increased after our back injuries, you go  from being  able to do anything and everything  and in the blink of an eye you can't do much of anything. I can understand the depression. Before I quit drinking, we were drinking up to a 6 pack or 12 pack of beer per the two of us each night.                                                                                                                                   


I did drugs for 13 years ( marijuanan, qualludes, dimeral, daladid, cocaine, freebase,Lsd, hashish, opium, pcp aka angel dust, Tch, MDA, black beauties,  methadone, herion (once), tuinal, you get the picture. In 1984  I quit them all but cocaine which I quit in 1988. I did no program  nor any desire to return to using again. I  moved to another state & got away from all my buddies.   


Last year , I became sick to my stomach for about 2 months. It was a combination of naproxen, muscle relaxers, & anti inflammitories are the cause severe acid reflux. I have herniated disk in my back so in constant pain since 1995. I was literally throwing up every day for 2 months.  I ended up in the hospitals ICU on my birthday. renal  failure, sepsis, low blood pressure & acid reflux. Now the smell of alchol makes me nauseous. I did not go into a treatment proram nor have a desire to want to use again.  


My significant other  on the other hand grew up in all kinds of abuse in her household  a child. You name it, she probably went thru it. She is a hard worker did manual  labor at a retail store. Now her back is screwed up & has gotten worse. so  she says she is using the beer as a pain reliever. I have heard her say it is a truth serum "it helps her with her true feelings." yeah right the next morning she does not remember a thing I said.


I am not afraid of her just annoyed & angry. She will not shut up while drinking. Forget trying to watch a show on tv. I call it captive audience. Now she has been asleep aobut 1 hour, she wakes up stumbles to the bathroom. then comes out here where I am to try and carry on an intelligent converstion. I have no F clue what she is trying to say. Yes, she does the sleep walking too. It usually walks up all the whole household & the dogs start barking. No recollection the next day. 


She can drink beer warm, hot or cold. She can throw up all nite . then get up the next morning and start all over again. some times she wakes up & throw up all nite & calls it a sinus headache.Her average comsumption a night is  144 oz's her idea of one beer is a 24oz can.


She keeps saying I am going to quit this time. She has poured it down the toilet. Thanks to Al Anon I am not as consumed with her problem. It is annoying though. the not shutting up. Some say go  somewhere else to get away . the options are few out here. We take care of a small army of dogs/ cats. We are praying they will be adopted one of these days. 


I have set boundaries for myself. I do not try and talk to her when she is wasted.  I will not sleep in the same bed  if I know she has been drinking.  etc snoring is horrendous. nothing works to stop it. I swear her snoring peels the paint off the wall. I am saving up so I  can get my own truck fixed soon.


Well, my question is there any chance of this relationship lasting with one sober & the other in denial? We are together 14 years this year.


Second does anyone know Social Security Disablity Rules? do the cover alcohol  re hab treament programs? I have heard years ago that they no longer cover alcohol or drug rehab programs? My Sig other did the work program and SS  cut her off  for $13 months.She had the job created just for her. she worked weekends & holiday during the summer.


Thanks again to everyone. the support is really helping. I will be going to f2f meetings next week


De 



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D.E.A.


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3854
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Well from my own experience yes it can. Al-Anon made that possible for me as I learned to detach fromwhat was going on around me and lowered my expectations. Its not easy when only one person is in recovery but i feel my relationship got better with this program regardless.


I was in this program for 3 yrs before my husband quit drinking  difficult at times but possible. keep the focus on yourself treat her with respect - that will make both of you feel better.


goodluck   Louise


 



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I came- I came to-I came to be



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1382
Date:

Hello De,


I don't have any answers to your questions, except maybe to give your local SS office a call about the benefits they offer. SS can make getting answers hard but eventually you may get an answer. At least that way if your A chooses to get help you may have some info already.


Mainly I just wanted to say WELCOME to MIP! Glad you are here. Take care.


Jennifer



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Senior Member

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Posts: 394
Date:



Welcome to the Board,

We are really glad that you are here.
Some say that you can continue to have a good relationship with someone who is not in recovery. For me the jury is still out... I have lived with my husband for over 19 years and he has been an alcoholic the entire time. I am not sure if i want to continue to be in this marriage where I get not emotional support from him. I use to think that it was suppose to be like that now i know that it isnt. Someone once told me that going to an alcoholic for emotional support is like going to a hardware store for bread.. it isnt there..

Good LUck..

Tammy

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Tammy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 818
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I have an official social security book given to me by my senstor when I was applying.


As far as living with an alcoholic, only you can answer that after you work your program, and see if your life becomes manageable. 


Welcome to MIP and keep coming back.


Josey



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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 762
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One of the beauties of this program is there is no stock answers.  What works for one might not work for the other. 


For some the program gives them the strength they needed to leave and the tools to be happy Post-A.  For others it provides the tools to be happy even with an active A.  It's amazing.


It's an answer only you can find.  You seem to be using some of the tools already by not engaging etc. 


Glad you found us, keep coming back.


Bob



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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are!  (added by me...in that special alanon way)



Member

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Posts: 17
Date:

Hi,
I do not have any advice but I sure know how you feel. I have been with my husband for 33 years married almost 29 of those years. His drinking has gotten worse the past couple of years..He has been disabled from an accident when he was 4 years old.. The wear and tear on his body from using crutches has caused great deal of back pain..He retired after teaching 28 years..an early disability retirement.. When he drinks he talks and talks and does not know when to shut up and he can repeat himself and stay on one subject and not drop it!! His memory when drinking is the pits.. I usually just try to stay out of his way...I sleep in another room.. He smells and snores when drinking..
You are not alone in this..Why did I stay??-- I am married to him and have two grown children..I made a commitment when I married him..Mind you,if he ever got physically abusive I would be out of here so quick!!
Take care and look after yourself..
Pam

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