(((((((((((((((((((((( Lyne )))))))))))))))))))

Maybe its what we call 'baby steps'...  

(((Lyne))) - I hear you....loud and clear! The denial that comes with this disease is well beyond my ability to relate or begin to understand. This is where I have to practice acceptance and the simple 'view' from my 'cheap seat' is that I can not understand the thinking of anyone else, especially those with a disease of the mind. Love your plan and it's carried me over and over and over again.

I have 3 (sons & Hubs) who are anti-AA. Each has their own reason/excuse/thoughts, all of which to me are very far from my own experience. While I can't change their thoughts, minds, or attitudes, I can detach and create boundaries. I have suggested that if they need to bash/complain about recovery or 12 step programs, they need to find a different ear than mine. When either of my sons bring me their issues related to this disease, I still have no problem directing them back to the phone list they got at their last AA start or an old sponsor. For my own sanity, I really have to detach as quickly as possible from their recovery/disease issues or I get in there and try to change/fix them.

Do you, keep doing you and if possible, focus on what's good. I do believe that any meeting is better than no meeting, even if nothing changes (today). Seeds have been planted, and she knows where to go should she decide to do so. (((Hugs)))

 

 

I mostly go with "Acceptance is the solution to all of my problems" and that doesn't mean that I judge the situation as good and proper but that it happens and as it happens I am powerless over the control of it.  I don't say "That's okay" and then walk away from the person, place or thing.  It means I let my HP point the way that we are going and then I go that way with my HP and  my recovering family.  Nothing says I have to like it.   ((((Hugs))))  

Thanks everyone. ODAT. All your shares well regarded. :)

There are other recovery programs besides AA I had real intense resistance to al anon.when I went there. I knew people who loved that particular meeting. I did.not relate at all. Denial is a way to survive. For some people survival is the onjy place they will ever know. I know people who never move beyond denial my sister being one of them. I come up.against denial all the time. Unfortunately for me that usually means I have to put some distance in that relationship. Detachment is an art. For me trying to make someone get into recovery is a no win solution. Then there is the issue of wanting to manage their recovery. I can drown in that one too. Maresie

Acceptance and Detachment were tools that helped me separate myself from him and the chaos. My anger often made me feel hopeless, like I was going down with the ship.   so I believed my sponsor when she told me it was necessary to detach.

Detach from his needs, his emotions, and the control all of it had over me.  Practicing detachment was a gift to myself.

However, I never found lasting happiness in detachment alone. There had to be a positive to that negative. For me, that positive was a healthy "attachment."

I began to recognize my need for an attachment to my own personal hopes and dreams. When I crawled into al-anon, I realized I never had dreams for myself, I always attached myself to everyone else's dreams.

so I began to write about... and nurture... and strengthen my own dreams. That's when my anger began to melt away. I filled an entire notebook with dreams that truly made me smile!!! and re-read it often because it lifted me every time.

I eventually understood I was never powerless to create the life I wanted. My dreams began to materialize and I have since realized that his alcoholism, along with my anger, all had a perfect purpose.

We are indeed powerless to force solutions onto someone else. but not powerless to empower ourselves... with our own hopes and dreams.

-- Edited by 2HP on Monday 2nd of December 2019 10:09:58 AM

Thank you so much aloha. I will surely listen to this audio. :). Lyne