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I just wanted to share about a reality tv show that is on in the mornings that i really get something out of from time to time. It is a show called "Starting Over" on ABC. it is a home in california where women go to "start over". as in, know they are at a stale-mate in their life, and go there to get to the bottom of it, heal, and start over. yes, there may be 'editing' that goes on to make the show more interesting to viewers, i dont know. all i know is, that some days i am in tears listening to it because it will tap into some reality in my own life. Just today, they were discussing addictions at one point, and then control at another point, and there was so much said that was helpful to me. like, people with addictions are trying to hide from something painful or shameful in their life. and people who are controlling are just trying to make their environment safe, cuz they feel so scared and insecure. it helped tap into a feeling of compassion for my a...instead of disgust and anger and hurt.
the topics go on and on. on days i dont want to listen to it ( i listen to it as i clean...i have a cleaning business, and can have the tv on while i work) i know its cuz i just dont want to deal with any of my own realities, cuz it really gets in there to whats really going on with these women.
anyway, if anyone is at home in the mornings, or somewhere where they can tune in, i know this show really helps me stop and think sometimes, and i just thought maybe some of you might enjoy tuning into it.
Hi I am in Australia and I get this on Foxtel cable. I reckon it is great. It does show different women struggling with varied problems. I found it inspiring because most of them come out a lot stronger than when they went in. Luv Leo xx
I catch that show occasionally. I really can identify with some of the women. I like that the life coaches don't let them get away with their excuses. I am in transtion in my life and sometimes I think I want to go to that house and make a major change.
i was figuring there HAD to be SOMEONE who had seen the show before, and i'm so glad you two replied about it. i have related to different things on that show in different ways so many times, and i'm glad to hear others have related at times, too. i like how the coaches generate so much trust from the women due to their compassion coupled with their point-blank honesty. kind of like sponsors, huh? lol
actually, the first times i saw it, i thought it was kind of lame. but then i'd end up leaving that channel on while i was cleaning houses and started listening more often, and came to like it. i've often thought i'd like to go to a place LIKE that, but not a place that is aired on national television! i could never do the deep work those women do knowing it was being aired to the whole world! i wonder if they get paid to do it......?
I am a big fan of the show. I am also a big fan of the work of one of the coaches and have read all her books. To my knowledge having read some of the web sites of the people who appear on the show they don't get paid anything but do get lots of therapy (most of which isn't shown on TV) and I presume some follow up care.
I have found some of the metaphors they use a bit inane but I think they do make an effort to address some issues like codependency and addictions. Personally I would like to hear the women making more effort to contact with 12 step groups or at least allude to it. I dont' really see how people will manage out of the "house" otherwise without on going therapy and more. I think they provide an informal support group for each other but really they only "touch" on certain issues and then go back to the dysfunctional families they came from.
For me personally the work I have had to do on myself requires sustained challenging and sustained work on the steps. I don't think it happens in a few weeks. I have made a lot of progress in the weeks I have been in Al-anon but I really immersed myself in it. I do feel the real work is in the years ahead and a real focus on the program.
I am really personally on many many levels against a lot of "reality" shows as I think they breach a lot of boundaries for people who are boundaryless (in fact they are looking for people who are boundaryless). I know I have over disclosed lots in my life. I have to work on having boundaries (I had none most of my life). So while I appreciate the issues this group brings up and the issues that people talk about in the group(s) I do think that people have to be hugely careful about being public in a really big way about their history(s) and their process. This group is fine for me but even here I have felt over exposed and vulnerable at times. I think it must be incredibly difficult to go back to a life where one is exposed.
I did find myself watching the show regularly and really identifying particularly with the codependence issues. Personally some of the intrigue and who gets kicked out of the house and when left me cold. But then I am no longer "intrigued" and over involved with others. I did read the message boards on the group and found it incredibly sad that so many people felt tremendously over involved and reactive to the people on the screen. That was me until I found al-anon Ms. Over reaction and Ms. Labile ( I had a reaction to everything).
wow! obviously you know a lot more about the show than i do! i guess i try to not get toooo introspective about it, but the things they talk about still help me get my own think tank going. i didnt know there were any books out or message boards or anything. i do agree that mentioning 12 step programs would be good, but, it is a tv show, and i think their motives are more 'ratings', unfortunately.
i relate to over-disclosing in my younger years, and have learned to not do that so much anymore. and i really dont like reality shows too much either. i just kind of thought this show helped me tap into some of my issues, but dont get over-involved in it. just find it interesting, i guess.
i appreciate your comments, tho. i think i just thought this show was a small tool in the kinds of things us alanon people deal with.
but thanks for your thoughts and insight on it, maresie! good luck to you in YOUR journey!
