((((((((((((((((((((PNP)))))))))))))))))))))))))) OMG and it is THOSE attributes that keep a good relationship, be it with relationships with humans, pets, jobs, ANYTHING to do with LIFE going.....Tho my feelings never faded with my lost pets, sadly with humans, they did, but if the relationship was for the MOST part, nourishing, positive, etc., it would endure....I have a cousin who for lack of a better term is a "spoiled little rich girl" whose parents gave her everything and left her provided for so she never had to work and struggle and suffer financial fear like I have and am now doing....She thinks she is "higher" than me and treats me many times as such....Money can give her a lot, but it cannot impart on her honour and respect, compassion, trustworthiness, AND desirability.....I have finally distanced myself from this woman who does not deserve me.....being a DNA relative does not compel me to accept being treated "less than" by someone who is always in a row with someone because SHE is always right and her city /neighbors are always in the wrong...

Rose, you are so right... money can buy you many things, it can open many doors too. But it cannot magically place inside of you those most desirable of qualities: integrity, compassion, honor.

Betty, I am so happy to hear that you found that special person that can add to the richness of your life! You could say your HP has blessed you!

&

-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Monday 28th of October 2019 09:26:59 AM

I am reminded of our slogan FIRST THINGS FIRST. Not that it would have done me any good as a young woman....

My own parents never liked the man I dated but I married him anyway. And though he was alcoholic, I believe I could NEVER have learned what I did at the pace I did, without that experience.

"Nothing in God's world happens by mistake."

(((peace)))

 

Love the original way that I learned it should be only happened part-time and never with such endurance that kept me working at it.  It was after a meeting one night where an old timer shared how she "love behaved and believed" that I needed to hear her understanding of love so as she was leaving the meeting I chased her down and asked her to tell me how she believed it to be and today I keep it utmost in my mind and behaviors, "Love is the complete and total a c c e p t a n c e of every other human being for e x a c t l y  w h o  t h e y  a r e".   HAPPY!!   (((((hugs)))))       

 

I understand this is how HP loves me.  HAPPY!! 

I have been absent from the forum for awhile, busy working on myself through other means. I love that quote. I too thought I had those things when I got married at age twenty-five. Then addiction set up house keeping in the middle of my marriage and stole happiness from me. I hope to get those things back one day.

Welcome back spur - glad to have you joining right in! Keep coming back, keep sharing - MIP is just another great tool for your recovery toolbox...

I remember so well feeling the sorrow of my marriage. I hope my ESH will give someone HOPE. These character traits we long for in a relationship ( I did too...)

...by assimilating the 12 steps (that is the key)... my character was changed gradually to become those things I desired ( first things first.) it wasn't about becoming fortunate enough to find the "right" person, I had to become the right person first. Then like a magnet, I seemed to attract it, it happened so easily, I met and married a wonderful man this year.

We had to attend a function recently at his place of employment and what a rich experience it was when all his colleagues came up to me, to tell me what a wonderful human being he is and how they love knowing him and working with him.

The environment I live in now is sooo peaceful and easy and this is allowing me to unfold and do the work I am here to do in my lifetime.

This is not to say I sneer or look down my nose at my former husband whatsoever. He was most certainly the instrument Higher Power chose to help ME change, I am quite sure it could never have happened any other way. I pray for him still, more than I ever did when we were married.

So I must admit that this quote is not much of a favorite to me because it doesnt tell anything about "the teaching"

It all comes back to ME. my kids can only learn by my example. I know this because that is how it worked for me, I came from an alcoholic family and I married it, the example given.

What a shock when I sat in al-anon and discovered I had picked up alcoholic traits myself, it was my conditioning. that is why al-anon suggested that we too had become "sick". (affected)

The 12 steps helped to unravel all of that confusion, one day at a time. I was told to wrap myself DAILY in the wisdom of the steps. Don't just do the steps once a year or whatever but rather, BECOME the principle BEHIND the step.

I am most definitely seeing changes in the character of my (adult) children now... all the Higher Power's great wonderful doing!!   All they told me I had to do is become willing to work on ME.

This program works. it really does.

-- Edited by 2HP on Friday 15th of November 2019 08:36:59 AM

Wonderful, Rose!! Now that is a great example of "Detaching with Love!"
I think that it was evidenced by the peace/calm you felt in your soul... thank you for sharing!

Hi it's WendyP. I would like to share my version about Love, the difference of me between then and now. I was brought up in a House of Hate, I learnt very early in the piece, not to show any emotions, feelings, if I did, I wouldn't be here now. Affection was out, big time. I grew up between 2older sisters,and3 Brothers, so had to be tough.We couldn't sit at the Table without Fights, Arguments, no peace. I grew up Tough, could hold my own with anyone. The bigger the Better. I use to say, that I could go through an operation without any Anaesthetic and not feel anything. But I knew inside of myself, that how I grew up, wasn't right. All I ever wanted to do, when I got married, and had my 3children, was to give them a life, not like my own. I wanted to show them Love, I had learnt an awful lot from my Childhood, of what not to do. Certainly not Hate.

Sadly, unbeknown to me, Alcoholism was very firmly entrenched with in. My First Husband was very Violent,a bender Drinker, and because of my previous history, I stood up to him, knowing that I had to protect my Children. Once more, I knew that the Drink was the problem, not understanding any of the other part of it. I tried so hard to stop it from getting into my 3 lives, I thought I did a good job, and I did, with what I had to deal with. The one thing was, I didn't want to bring my 3 up in a house of Hate, which after finding Alanon, I had.

Alanon, answered so many Questions for me, I could understand, finally as to what had happened, to all of us and why. It helped me to forgive myself for my part in all of it, and that of others. It taught me to give myself permission, to Love, and to show Love. I realized I had always had it, but it was buried beneath a lot of stuff. With my 4th Step, I realized,that being me, I was able to teach my 2 Parents to all Love and Affection, through my 3 Children, I didn't have Alanon at that time, but was still able to teach my 3 to give my Parents, hugs, and kisses and affection in their ways with them. My heart broke for them, as I watched them at first be so uncomfortable, when they got the hugs and kisses, but they did get comfortable afterwards. They even expected it, and looked for it. It became natural,as we were always,so far away, and use to drive sometimes for 8 hours each way, just to come home for a weekend to see them. My children, taught them to Love, sadly, because of the way things were, my Parents,never got that from their other Grand Children. Also, my other Brothers and Sisters not getting recovery, like me think I am the weird one, because I can show Love and affection, sadly, I have always been on the outside looking in, with them.

A friend in AA,once asked me, what was my definition of Love. I had to think about it for awhile, and told him, that my Heart was full of Love, and made up of all little draws, and each one of my loved ones have their own special draw. That was theirs, to keep, no one else's, for they are special to me. To finish, a Friend once gave me a Book Mark of the Name of Wendy, and surprise, surprise, the meaning of it,is Love. I have so much to Thank My God, for holding me in His Arms when I was born,always looking after me, and for giving me this wonderful Programme, Called Alanon, and AA.

Love WendyP.