The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author found that being too passive was a defect of character: letting things happen to them, rather than taking action. It was the best they knew how to do at the time, but harm was done. Now, the way they make amends is to stop practicing the defect. They take action in all areas of life, and take responsibility for their choice of actions.
Today's reminder is that Al-Anon does not tell me what to do, but it encourages me to find my own values and and take responsibility for my own choices.
Quote from As We Understood: "Making amends isn't just saying 'I'm sorry.' It means responding differently from our new understanding."
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Passivity was my defect, too. In the past, I could not speak up for my own needs because I did not know how, and I did not know it was OK to speak up. It hurt me, and it also hurt others at times. Now, I can recognize what I need, state it, act to make it happen if it is within my power, and ask for help if it is not within my power to do alone. Somehow the Al-Anon process -- the steps, sponsorship, literature, fellowship -- has made it possible for me to respond differently.
My defect wasn't being passive...I was a fixer, a Do'er. My defects were sweeping things under the rug that shouldn't be, and trying to control most other things!
I love today's reminder...I try very hard to say what I mean, and mean what I say. In other words, taking responsibility for my thoughts and actions.
It is the end of another week. I hope everyone enjoys their Friday!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good morning MIP - thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you also PnP for your share and ESH. What I love about recovery, amends and more will be revealed is who I thought I was vs. who I truly was continues to evolve. I also was a fixer, yet I focused on things that weren't fixable nor were they often mine to fix/change. What I know about me now is that I was driven by many, many forms of fear that came out of me quite different than real. Instead of facing what was 'real' and 'now', I often distracted myself with other 'things' to avoid reality, continue denial of the disease and my part and to mask many other things.
I do still believe that most of our defects are actually assets we exploited for self-preservation, related to this disease or other 'life events'. I am grateful for the git o recovery and the willingness to keep learning, growing, changing....it's a lovely way to be an imperfect person, exactly as designed.
TGIF folks! Make it a great day! I'm packing for my road trip - Thelma & Louise style to warmer temperatures, starting Monday! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you FT for your service and it was great to read all the above shares. My FOO left me passive, afraid, beaten down emotionally, and I barely had a self. The inability to act on behalf of myself was a great disservice to me! I hurt myself and others as a result, as others above me shared.
Alanon has changed everything for me, and my tools are allowing me to be a better, healthier, and stronger person. I resigned from the Doormat Club! Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. All for the better, Lyne
"Today's reminder is that Al-Anon does not tell me what to do, but it encourages me to find my own values and and take responsibility for my own choices."
I like that as it truly encourages me to grow and change. Learning about and finding my own values was and still is a treasure hunt. Love you all. ((((hugs))))
Thanks Freetime, for your service to Alanon, and to y'all for being here, and sharing.
getting to the point of acting, and getting out of my own way took time. My FOO was massively passive aggressive-
and, as a consequence, I suffered badly from the paralysis of analysis. I could see easily have a family system
with overt behaviour could lead to prison- and a wide range of victims. But ours was covert.
I am reviewing m own recovery, as I speak. Feeling surges of gratitude, and relief. Through following another related programme I have managed to obtain therapy-
with some professional help- dealing with chronic pain and stored trauma. But much-most of the effort and and initiative was my own. Self care. The guiding arms
of HP... taking stressors out of buy world one by one. I was a milkaholic [no kidding! ] and was drinking a bottle of cream her day- milk- butter- cheese- the lot. And that
extreme was a sign that I was lactose intolerant. Maybe had been for much of my life- with inevitable health consequences.
The road back has been long- and it did seem to take forever. A change in the way of being, thanks to Alanon, was an essential base. Moving from fruitless concern
for others- to undertaking care for myself- and reversing the inevitable decline and collapse.
Taking steps- in the form of the steps themselves;
Good Afternoon Freetime This is a perfect topic for me . I am ever grateful to program for giving me permission to define my values and act and not react. Thanks for your service
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