The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Author talks about going to a meeting and hearing many members complaining and moaning about not having what they felt entitled to, or about the alcoholics behavior and generally about their sorry lot in life
One brave person spoke up: he or she said that you know all this sounds as though some of us were childishly expecting life to be entirely free of problems. This member recalled along time ago a radio comedian who his favorite line was something to the tune of well you have to take the bitter with the better and that is pretty good Al-Anon philosophy too because it tells us we have to accept some unacceptable experiences along the way but not forgetting , At the same time, to keep an eye out for the good things
So today's reminder is am I expecting something in life to be just the way I want it? Maybe I should take a good look at those expectations and see if they are realistic for my particular situation. If I am constantly reaching for the moon, Im going to miss a lot of pleasant things right here in my little world. The author also mentions how important and what excellent medicine the serenity prayer is for discontentment
I really needed this reading today because many many times I am looking at the moon, and I miss out on the smaller blessings that do manage to come my way. Some of my expectations have been unrealistic and I have been working on step four and paring down these unrealistic expectations of mine. Yes I need more income. That is a given. But what can I do now? What is the next best thing I can do for me right now? And that is sometimes I just have to do a big step three and make myself be patient and persevering because the universe has to work on the other person whom I know needs my services as I need them as a client but the universe has to put us both together and that can take time. I am trying to look at the little good things for which to be grateful and that does help keep away the discontentment. I just have to trust that I have made good karma all my life or tried to and will continue to and I just have to trust in my higher power That good is on its way to me not because I am in titled but I do figure it is our birthright to be able to take care of ourselves and to have a life of good health, good abundance, good love, and good self expression, I also realize I have to get up and do the work and do everything I can on my part before I toss it off onto step three and the higher power
-- Edited by mamalioness on Thursday 24th of October 2019 07:15:50 PM
Hi Rose I know that I was guilty of "Unreaistic expectations when i entered program. i felt thqt if i acted responsibily all would be well and i would not have any problems --How wrong i was!!!! THANK YOU alanon for the tools to live life wtih courage and lower expectations
(((Betty))) "unrealistic expectations" have caused me so much bitterness/resentment, a life not just interrupted but lost...I thought "magically" all my losses would be given back to me.....NOT!!!!! what I lost is GONE...I have to build a new life with new gains/ blessings....let go of what is gone, never to come back...and if it should come back after I let go, then it is really mine to keep , but even then, life is change....nothing is permanent...another thing I used to "expect" the "forever" mentality...in life there is no such thing as forever....my expectations have really lowered.....I can hope, visualize, dream, but keep the expectations low or at least reasonable.......
I have expectations but they are reasonable ones. I have stopped having expectations around alcoholics and addicts except they are going to be difficult
Nevertheless this program is one of action
I have to take actions to get to.a better place
Life is like a spiral. I most certainly have problems today. The issue for me is that I have tools to deal with them
Certainly I would rather have an easier life
Right now I am looking at I have to move out of my.aoartment temporarily. The building I live in is being rennovated. That brings its own set of problems including a rent increase. All those problems are workable
One key issue for ne is not trying to change what I have no control over. I need income to deal with some of the issues to deal with this move. I have to deal with a supervisor who is an alcoholic. I work really hard on minimizing that.
I know in the past I made my problems central to my life. I worked at a store where I really did not get enough hours for over 5 years. I would not consider alternatives. Eventually I found other work but for a time I had to deal with a lot of discomfort
This move is going to cause me some discomfort. It is incredibly inconvenient. I am detaching daily Most of all.I am swtaching from my neighbors experience of it. I cannot fix their problems just my own.
I have had times where my work life ran smoothly. I had a great supervisor. The routine worked for me. That was not always the case
I have the ability to be realistic these days. I did not have that ability before. A great deal of my life is dealing with situations that are beyond my control. The better my attitude is the better I feel. And ny attitude these days is self preservation first
Maresie
(((Maresie))) Yea, me too...Zero expectations of alcoholics and other dysfunctional people..Much as I love my brother, I have no expectations of him...I, too, would rather have an easier life...and no, there are things we cannot change: anything outside of me I cannot change/conrol.....and I agree about self preservation and I, too, am in situations where I am powerless...LOTS of times...I am really being forced to practice letting go of outcome....do my best...hope for the best, but let it go, detach from it...disconnect, even, toss it to the universe and proceed with life, what I can do with it.........thank you, I sure hope you can find an affordable and lovely flat........
I am just moving out of my apartment temporarily while it is rennovated.
I am not looking for an apartment
Nevertheless there are expenses involved
There are expenses everyday unexpected out of nowhere so I understand what it is to be on an extremely tight budget
I.existed on very little for a number of years. My income crashed to zero just before I left the now ex A.
I have built it up but I can't say I like my current job. Juggling more than one job is extremely tedious.
I am working to reduce exposure to alcoholics and addicts. Right now with the exception of this one supervisor there are very few in my life. That is a first for ne
Rescuing was a way of life for me for a long time. Rescuing an alcoholic and then being shunned by them was one of ny most normal interactions. Yet I never out it together until I became more active in al anon recently. I allowed myself to do that scenario.countless times. I could always justify rescuing them 100%every time
Maresie
(((Maresie))) sounds like lots on your plate, but you are handling it well...and yea, I did the more than one job thingy and got mononucleosis for my troubles ..I was flat done inn, literally....and I hear ya about rescuing being a way of life...I don't do it anymore, thanks to program...
Heres to BOTH of us finding a life of better Ease and abundance.......cheers, and take care
I do more than one job right now but that is because I have increased expenses
I went without so.much.for years
Leaving the now exA was a huge financial crater.
I have to say it took.me decades to.pull myself out of that one. Indeed I am only now working my.way back to a reasonable credit score
Sometimes life gives us more expenses. I am working really hard on setting limits.
Those limits were never in place before
Sometimes I believe being with an alcoholic/addict involves great disappointments. For me I think I set myself up to fail over and over
So these days I work on setting myself up to succeed
Maresie
hey Maresie, with this latest job loss, which was a , as you say "financial crater" I am just KIS'ing my life....KEEP IT SIMPLE...I cut out the things that I took for granted and I'm "OK" for now...(this is NOT what I want the rest of my life to be) but a temporary need to "pair down" some stuff...I found out I was , even tho it wasn't REAL bad, I did "waste" money, like eating out when actually my own cooking pleases me more, and buying stuff "do I really need/want this"?? and I found that a lot of times I did not really care if I had an item or not...keeping within a budget, not doing really badly at all, considering, just fighting to keep the fear at bay till things turn around....and I hear you about "set myself up to fail over and over" My self sabateur is only kept at bay by daily and sincere program and actually Practicing what I learn to the good.....and yep...I am doing inner "me" work to set me up for sucess....Here is to BOTH of us doing just that!!!!!!
I dont like the new job but I only have to stick it out till March
I may find something else in the meantime
I.dont look back with regret. I did huge things to help the now ex A drained my savings. As you say that was all put of fear
Being around an alcoholic is all.fear
I just do the best I.can every day. It is hard.
Before recovery I did not have the tools. Now I have better tools I.do better
I struggle now but I am not drowning.
Without al anon.I would gave drowned
Maresie
((Maresie))). I like what Betty says. Sometimes we have to work at places we dont care for and I just, when I have been there, just kept telling myself one day at a time and I just searched for something better, and then hopefully, letting my higher power take care of the outcome instead of me forcing and fighting which is usually the thing I do first until I get a headache from bashing my head against the wall, so much easier to just accept that this is temporary. Life is fluid, never static, so this too shall pass. Take care and take care of you
