The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading from C2C, the author shares that, while sobriety brings change, it doesn't take away all the problems. The author was sure that the nightmare was over once the alcholic became sober. Instead, the alcoholic accused, insulted, and attacked, becoming verbally abusive. At first, the author found it imperative that the alcohoic understand, and the author got into the habit of defending themself. The author argued pleaded, or insulted in return. But no matter what they tried, the alcoholic didn't understand.
AlAnon helped the author to understand that, no matter what, they do not have to accept the unacceptable. Whether the alcoholic is activly using or sober, the author does not have to argue back or convince another person that they are innocent or right. The author can detach instead of getting caught up in the alcoholic's insanity. And, the author certainly need not respond by doubting themself.
Today's Reminder: WHen cruel words fly from the mouth of another person, drunk or sober, Al-Anon helps me remember that I have choices. Perhaps I can say the Serenity Prayer to myself, or refuse to discuss the topic any further. I can listen without taking he words personally; I can leave the room, change the subject, make an Al-Anon call, or explore other alternatives. My Sponsor can help me to discover options that seem right for me.
Today's Quote: "We may never have the choices we would have if we were writing the script, but we always have choices." ...In All Our Affairs
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I really like today's reading. I like the reminder that the alcoholic's insanity doesn't necissarily stop with sobriety. This is a reminder I need often. Especially after years of sobriety, I can forget that my AW may not always be working her program, may not always see reality the way I do, and may not always deal with logical fears. When I forget, I find myself engaging in her alcoholic insanity. I find myself wondering if I'm so wrong, if her perceptions and beliefs and feelings are true and correct. This is why, the longer I have been engaged in my oun Al-Anon program, it has become more and more important for me to attend Al-Anon meetings, engage in friendships with others in the Al-Anon program, and cultivate friendships with people who are understanding, but are not married to an alcoholic. I need a reality check from others sometimes to help me remember that the insanity isn't mine, and I don't need to engage with it. That my wants and needs are not unreasonable or unaceptable. I'm so thankfulto Al-Anon and the pace of the Al-Anon program - always my own pace - because every time I encuonter a challenge, I have people I can reach out to, meetings I can go to, and reminders that I am not alone.
Today I'm working from home in the morning - AW returns at 11 pm from her conference, and that is going to be one LATE night for me! Working from home this morning so the pups can go out again before I leave for the city. I'm liking the calmer, more peaceful start to my day! I hope you make today great!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Dear Skorpi. This is a wonderful share and thank you for your service. I have seen alcoholics in my life stop drinking and I would say oh boy my relationship is going to be so much better because they are not drinking. Not true. The alcoholism is just a symptom of deeper lying issues that they have not addressed because they are not working a program. Im thinking about my neighbor next-door who is a lovely lovely human being but he can act like a dry drunk sometime our friendship goes back 20 years or more and I love him to pieces but when he gets ugly and nasty and bitchy, I just walk away. I dont say anything I just say see you later at the very most, and I walk away and then he is back being sweet and nice again. He grew up with alcoholism and he began abusing alcohol long years ago, I applaud him for not drinking anymore, but I wish he would Get into, for his own sake, Alcoholics Anonymous and address the deeper issues that caused him to drink too much. But I am powerless over him and his choices so I just love him with loving detachment. Brother dearest is back in Port now and he texted me on the way in to the dock, and that is the last I heard from him , So I know that he is on another 80 proof sabbatical. So I just except it, I will talk with him when he services again
Thank you Skorpi for the daily and both you and Rose for your interpretations of it!
I like the reminder that I don't have to (and I shouldn't) JADE. I know that my part in my disfunctional marriage was that I always felt the need to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. If I am honest, there were plenty of times that my point was valid, but it took me a long time to understand you just can't engage addiction in that way... it just isn't productive!
I must say that when I finally learned how to say, "You may be right," and walk away (detach) I found much peace. But nothing changed with my spouse. It was all within me! I CHOSE to stop engaging in the insanity, and I CHOSE to use detachment. So yeah... choices!
You all know what day it is... HUMP DUHAAAAAAY! LOL! Ride that camel & make it a great day! Attitude is everything!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hello Skorpi,P@P and Rose I do appreciate this reading as it helped me with a new sponsee this AM . Expecting a newly sober person to respond in a "healthy " ,manner is unrealistic and destructive to our serenity
Thanks for your service
All the old justify, argue, defend, explain. My cousin who is normally very sweet and nice, got very nasty and accusing and just working my inventory and I just told her very plainly that this conversation was not what I wanted in my time of grief, that I was hanging up and that I wanted a time out and I said God bless and told her to take care of herself but I was taking a time out because that behavior was unacceptable to me And I do not accept unacceptable behavior. I told her I would be happy to speak with her if the conversation can be a positive one.
And when I hung up I was very happy that I was not nasty or insulting or anything like that to her I just said that this was not comfortable for me and I was exiting and I did. I have to remember that these people are not in the program, her parents were sober, but she was married to a dry drunk and she does think in the disease but that is not for me to judge. I can feel compassion but I do not have to be in the swamp with them
Thank you Skorpi for the daily and your service. Thanks to all for the shares and ESH on the daily. It was easy for me to blame others for a long, long while before recovery. I blamed the disease, the diseased, and more simply because I could and it was way easier than to look at me, and realize that I could do some changing, growing, learning and chilling and trust what others suggested - life could/would improve.
My experience is that I was super sensitive and took way more than I should personally. It made sense at the time and I didn't know how to detach from others, the disease, word vomits, etc. Today, I can simply make a decision/choice to do what's best or me and no longer have to be sucked into the insanity of others. This works well for those with this disease and others because I do fundamentally believe that 'everybody's got something goin' on'...
I am grateful for the freedom recovery gives me to choose my battles wisely. As I get healthier and attract healthier people in my life, I find very few reasons to battle. In almost every scenario where a fight might happen, as I consider what's really important to me, my serenity and internal joy wins time and time again. What's been fascinating in my life/home is the more I stay on my side of the street and am consistent with my boundaries, the better all things are here! Like PnP, all that's changed really is me yet there's way more peace around here than before!
I hope everyone had a lovely HUMP day! I golfed this morning, had my oil changed and then cooked some dinner and am chilling! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This is a great share. I read it twice yesterday, once with a sponsee, as well.
On the flip side of this, I see how this reading also reminds me that even though I'm in a recovery program that MY insanity can still rear its ugly head, too. As was mentioned earlier, I keep that insanity under wraps by working my program - getting to meetings, working the steps with my sponsor, participating in service and fellowship, and daily prayer and meditation.
It's amazing how quickly this disease can sneak up on a person. My sponsor mentioned that it doesn't go away. It just recedes into a back room and is doing push-ups while awaiting its next opportunity to make its presence known. (When she said the pushup thing it cracked me up. Although she wasn't doing pushups, it always makes me think of Sarah Connor in the Terminator 2 movie doing pull-ups in her cell while waiting for any opportunity to escape.)
Especially after years of sobriety, I can forget that my AW may not always be working her program, may not always see reality the way I do, and may not always deal with logical fears. When I forget, I find myself engaging in her alcoholic insanity. I find myself wondering if I'm so wrong, if her perceptions and beliefs and feelings are true and correct. This is why, the longer I have been engaged in my oun Al-Anon program, it has become more and more important for me to attend Al-Anon meetings, engage in friendships with others in the Al-Anon program, and cultivate friendships with people who are understanding, but are not married to an alcoholic. I need a reality check from others sometimes to help me remember that the insanity isn't mine, and I don't need to engage with it. That my wants and needs are not unreasonable or unaceptable. I'm so thankfulto Al-Anon and the pace of the Al-Anon program - always my own pace - because every time I encuonter a challenge, I have people I can reach out to, meetings I can go to, and reminders that I am not alone. 
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