The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...there are two aspects to this share... ...along the way sharing has become second nature to me. It has bought me out of my shell.
It has given me discipline, over time. But I still love doing it, and I always shall. I know- in the beginning- I didn't cause it, can't control it, and ah surely cant cure it referred directly to the disease. I never poured liquor down the sink- and never really tried to control the drinking. I did know that drinkers preferred not to eat at all before a good session. And I do recall an aunt trying her utmost to get my uncle to eat something- to try to stop him getting away on the spree.
But I wanted to apply the saying to myself- and to my own condition. Anger and fear. Rage and horror, I used to call it- as I tried desperately to reign it in. I was a sucker for every fad and fancy under the sun. But over time- I settled in with things that worked for me. At age 68 I take no medication. I am prepared for the day- when I have to- but not for mow, it seems.
Tackling my chronic pain was a priority. And at my first meeting i heard about emotions. A good starter for me. Emotional sobriety, serenity, maturity, emotional intimacy, were all about the same for me... as my mind began to clear. And it unified my thinking around all of the 12 Step groups... and the sisters and brothers in them.
I had times when I was terrified of getting things wrong. Or saying the wrong thing. This came from raw experience. Especially what was right or wrong in Alanon. and the 3 "C"s is not actually conference approved. I hear them used often enough, and nobody seems to mind at all. Our Hope for Today sticks pretty much to Alanon based materials. But ODAT and Courage To Change contains references to sayings and ideas from hither and yon.
So we do have to right to be wrong- up to a point. So long, I suppose that we keep in the straight and narrow- most of the time. There is a theme and purpose.
I am a great believer in Tradition 4.
I know that Alanon policy will change over time- but this will happen very slowly. New things added. The no cross-talk guideline is one of these. It is not mandatory- but it is used in some meeting formats. Other times 'take what you like and leave the rest' seems to apply... and this seems to work, especially where members are getting to know each other well.
In this group I sometimes call "Coffee Time", or even 'car park time' where we can free-wheel and ask and say what we like... which I think is healthy.
I had a p.m. message from a member last week- which I think is healthy... testing boundaries and finding trust. ...
As I write this- more as a diary entry than a share- I am aware of the changes. Subtle at first. I used too talk "poisonality" in describing myself. But not today... I have hope and confidence.
Hi David-You put a lot of thought into this diary/share. I love the 3 Cs and hear them all the time. So CAL or not, its an excellent idea that I keep in my tool box. I am living with my spouse of 28 years and I did try to control her drinking and all the other negative behavior (lying, sneaking around, driving under the influence, etc.). As Ive gotten healthier through alanon, she did stop drinking. She wont attend AA but does go to OA. So I have a dry drunk situation. Im happier and stronger from program and like yourself, ODAT I will continue to strive to improve. Lyne
Lyne... I married a carbon copy of the A., my father. Her own father split away from the family when she was 11, and died a few years later. He was from a strong Methodist family- but in all the photos i saw of him- he had a smoke in one hand and a beer in the other. My wife was never an A. but is a strong candidate for OA. And I applied my own personal growth, in Alanon, to produce a calm relationship- in the end... over time. ...
Actually... the Three C's is conference approved. It makes an appearance in Hope for Today, at least (I haven't looked in other books, but I'm sure it shows up there, as well.) Hope for Today is CAL... the Three C's are CAL. :)
...
Thanks...