The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Courage to change reading for today October 15 speaks about the power of detachment. It points out that forgiveness is a great form of detachment because it helps us to let go of our resentments and anger. The reading suggested that we do not pronounce a person innocent and wipe the slate clean. nor do we accept unacceptable behavior however wallowing in negativity will not permit the situation to continue. the reading suggests that accepting our powerless to change a situation we can detach and let go of bitterness fear and self-pity and view our lives from the quiet voice of HP"S guidance. WE must be willing to let go of resentments that hold us back as they hurt only us.
Thank you Betty for your service and the daily. I appreciate your share and ESH too. I am better today with detachment than before through practice, practice, practice. I am grateful for progress in this area as it allows me to continue with my life in spite of what others are doing or not doing.
It's not always easy nor is it always smooth yet it does service me well to detach as best I can. For me and my recovery, I am not able to grow spiritually or emotionally when I am wrapped up in the lives of others, no matter how much I care or love them. I have also found forgiveness to be a profound tool that frees me up for change and growth. I struggled for years with forgiveness as I confused it with accepting unacceptable behavior; today, I realize it's for me, and about me and not others.
Happy Tuesday - off to golf shortly! Make it a great day all....(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
thanks Betty for your service and both shares above. Detachment is a big part of my recovery. Without it, I could not forgive, live and let live, and a host of other positive things that are important for my mental health. And as a result of practicing these tools and slogans, I am a different and better version of myself. I cant say my spouse likes the new me, nor can she understand the wisdom I obtain through alanon, but the focus is on me. Thats where it needs to be, Lyne
Thank you all for showing up and giving me peace today!
Betty, are you in my head? LOL!!
Today should be my 31st wedding anniversary. Regardless that I was the one to seek divorce, or the very valid reasons why I chose that path, I am always out of sorts on this day. Last year I tried to concentrate on the good that was in that marriage (my son is my greatest joy), and I got through the day.
This year I have been trying this leading up to today, and I am just realizing that almost all the 29 years was tainted by some form of addicted behavior. What is the difference, I ask myself? I just didn't know about it at the time. Was I happy? Not very often. I lived in a state of Hope. It was not all bad... the first five years were great! For my part, I think I always wanted my spouse to be different... somehow better. I can look back now and see that I was not willing to accept him just as he was. That I was sure with my love and guidance, I could mold him into the best husband ever! Oh, the Ego!!! LOL! (This was profound for me when I unearthed it during my second Step 4 w/ my sponsor b/c being the perfectionist I was, I always worked on being the "perfect" wife - whereby never seeing my part). Even so, each Oct. 15th I end up either feeling sad or resentful.
Then I come on here and lo and behold, I am reading EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO!! Funny how that happens, huh?
"WE must be willing to let go of resentments that hold us back as they hurt only us."
I KNOW this. Perhaps I need to form a mantra from this good statement above, and keep it at the ready today to help me. I am reminded of, "This Too Shall Pass.'
I will be WILLING to let go of resentments today. I will treat myself kindly, and use my mantra should I feel myself getting stuck in looking back.
Thank you Betty for posting just the right thing, and thank you MIP for allowing me the safe space to process this!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Betty for your service.
Ah this is a good one. Sometimes I think my default setting (defect of character) is on resentment. It's my automatic reaction to everything. In order to survive in an alcoholic household growing up I learned how to play the Martyr and I learned to have a lot of self pity. If I could make people feel sorry for me they would leave me alone or be kinder to me or give me what I needed (attention or support). I internalized it though and even in my marriage I started to be the martyr and began to tell him how I put up with so much from him etc etc. I built up so much resentment inside that it was toxic to me and those around me. Today I am learning to let go of resentments and stop victimizing myself in this way. It's where I have to use the slogan progress not perfection. Just yesterday I found myself upset with my family because I was sick and they were still asking things of me. I had to stop myself and remind myself that I can just say no sorry I'm not feeling well. I also have learned to check my motives for doing something and check in if I was going to be resentful afterwards. For example.... my child wanted a ride to school that could make me late. Instead of getting upset that driving her to school would make me late I looked at it as a choice. I can choose to drive her to school and be late or I can ask her to walk by herself. For me dropping resentments is about reminding myself that I have choices. They may not be pleasant choices but they are choices. Thanks!
Mahalo Betty for that service and glad I stuck with all of the responses after instead of rushing out to craziness. I relate to all of it including the fear of getting angry and rageful with self pity sitting quietly in meditation and understanding the forgiveness is for my peace of mind and serenity and peace with others and then praying for my Higher Power's direction and support as a must. I will place this within my intentions today. ((((hugs))))
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