The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses learning about the disease of alcoholism -- and also cautions us not to let the disease concept lead us into "analysis paralysis." Our own recovery is our focus, and it is wise not to become obsessed with another person's disease.
I apologize for such a short summary. I don't have my book with me at the moment, but I read the page earlier today and remember how it resonated with me.
For myself, when I began learning more about what science has discovered about alcoholism, it gave me so much more empathy and compassion. My anger began to slowly fade more and more, as I began to realize that my loved one was not a bad person, but a good person with a bad disease, and that having the disease was not his fault. It gave more substance to the 3 C's -- the simple slogan those nice Al-Anon folks gave me was really true -- according to science!
Now, I am the type of person that likes to delve deeply into a topic. So I am glad I did not get this knowledge until I had been in the program for a while. Otherwise, I might have used my new found information to try to manipulate my loved one. "Look, honey, I've figured out what's wrong with you! It's in this book with all this research!" And I might have shown him facts, figures, and footnotes. That would not have gone over well.
I like to stay away from a black-and-white approach to understanding the disease of alcoholism. I like the grey areas. My complete ignorance about what alcoholism is, did not benefit me. On the other hand, I had to use knowledge to improve my spiritual outlook, so that I could begin the long, gradual process of forgiveness.
I always had trouble with the disease model. Coming from an old gold-town, where hard drinking was a part of the culture. There was a kind of bond where no-one actually had to drink alone. Therefore none of them were alcoholics! But then dad's step-father was a classic binge drinker- and had never really been a social drinker. And my uncle on mum's side- who was chronic. I need really tried to stopped the drinking. I realised that a drinker avoided meals- because that affected the drinking stomach. But I flip-flopped a lot- and felt embarrassed and ashamed at "outing" my family by having my car parked outside the rooms. On for two thought I was in AA- because they were the same rooms- and that did not bother me none.
I did suffer badly from 'the paralysis of analysis", but that was not around the disease concept. There was no actually denial there- just a questioning of just about everything.
I was alway was much more into the arts than into science. The higher power ideas fitted me like a glove.
I got my dad into a treatment centre- for a week. Well- I was in the treatment centre and he was at the local hotel. Not sure how the filled in his evenings- and by then I was not fixated on that. His conclusion was that he drank more than he ought, but he was not an alcoholic. At least he made the effort to come along to my family week.
Today I say that the only qualifier I bring to meetings is me. This initial teachings I got stuck... and I managed to build on these. Teachings like loving caring detachment- where I began to take care of myself, as well as others... ...
Good Mornin all I had no problem accepting the disease concept regarding alcoholism.. i watched my husband and son destroyed by alcohol even after they willing sort medical help. It being a disease made perfect sense to me . i was extremely grateful to ind alanon meetings and accept their wisdom in order to learn to live life with courage and wisdom
Thnak for your service
Thank you Freetime for your service. I don't think you ever need to apologize for the content you post! Just being here helps all!
Like David, I had a real hard time with the disease model. But I am a "research nut" and my faith was nil, so I dived head first into learning about Addiction. What I have settled on, is that I define it as a "Disease of Choice." Because the choice to take that first hit/drink is there. Then there is always the choice to keep going down that path. BUT...(now that I have learned more about brain chemistry) once the chemistry of the brain is changed, it is changed for good - even though the brain has great plasticity and the ability to heal, there is only so much it can do once neural pathways have been changed. It is imperative for the affected person to ACCEPT that their brain has been changed by the substance. Period.
I think this explains for me how Qualifiers can find sobriety and live years and years and then suddenly "fall off the wagon." It also helps me to understand how addicted people many times will believe they can moderate or have just one drink. It always seems to surprise them when it becomes apparent they can't - they have not accepted what the substance has done to their brains.
My personal opinion is that is where the treatment models fall short. I think more focus needs to be on that scientific part.
Like you Freetime, learning about the disease process has helped me to 1) have compassion for my Qualifier (where I had zero before) and 2) understand just what I can bear in my life regarding this disease.This part was the most important for me in going forward.
TGIF! It has been a rough work-week for me, and I have had some quacking texts from my Ex... so I am ready for the weekend!! Woot!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you FT for your service and for all above shares. I love FT what you said, a good person with a bad disease. That sums up my A for sure. I was obsessed with fixing my A and became so angry and frustrated. I got that alcohol was a disease, but with all the help available, I couldn't make peace with someone not getting help. It's taken me a number of years for me to ask HP for forgiveness and compassion towards my A. I guess it's taken me quite awhile to REALLY accept that I am powerless over alcohol. And even with a dry drunk, I can get triggered by bad behavior from the disease. All in all though, I've come a long way, and will continue to strive to be the best person I can be with the set of circumstances I have. Lyne
Happy Friday MIP! Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily! Thanks to all who've shared their ESH. I accepted the disease in myself easily enough because it made logical sense to me, my habits, my progression with the disease, etc. When it activated in my sons, I had to revisit this big time simply because a part of me wanted to fix them, save them, redirect them, etc. I had to walk back to Step One over and over again with regards to the disease and the disease concept.
I fully agree today and can walk the walk regarding the disease concept. This does not happen alone, or in me but rather through the grace of the God of my understanding. My youngest is slipping away from the closest he's been to functional in a long, long while and watching him/the disease is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. There aren't enough words to describe how emotionally devastating it is to watch one you love being dragged back into active addiction. He knows better, he's been 'there' - jail, hospital, detox, homeless, etc. - yet, the disease still haunts his thoughts, heart, emotions, etc.
I am working hard to keep my joy, just or today. I have to focus on me and not this disease in another. All that keeps me from joining him in that rabbit hole is this program, my sponsor and all the tools. I am allowed to be sad, scared, anxious - choosing to pray and practice self-care is where it's at for me today.
Make the most of the moment; we just never know what comes next and I want to be present for that too! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Freetime for your service and all who have shared. It never fails, I can relate to something from every single share. I fully believe in the disease model, but I am glad also that I was in Alanon for awhile before getting into the research. It does help with my compassion level and understanding of how one just "can't stop." It is complex and ugly and unless one is 1000% into getting better, it's not going to happen. It is a disease of choice....yet.....not.....as the disease doesn't WANT to be in recovery.
IAH, I am sorry about your youngest and am inspired by your focus and self care One Day At a Time. I have been struggling lately with acceptance, disappointment, worry and frequently....disgust. Reading your and everyone's words here helps immensely!
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